12月27日，1T作文第四期同主题写作。

hotkenUID: 2135671

Originally posted by 逆风飞羊 at 2005-12-29 12:05


看看这道题
Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and example ...

原来这样啊，谢谢你啦 :lol
不过我已经把文章写成飞机的了。。。。:L:L:L
你还是帮我看一看吧 ;P
还有我发现要在30分钟内写完真的很困难哦~~~得怎么办呢 ？:confused:

40mins,310words
There is no doubt that people’s lives have been greatly changed since airplanes are invented. Such vehicles increase people’s work efficiency, promote the communication between the people from different countries and diverse cultures, as well as making people feel more comfortable during their long travel.

First and foremost, with the advent of airplanes, people have become more efficient in their work, because the trip take much less time now than before. Compared with the other vehicles, including trains, automobiles, ships and bicycles, airplanes undoubtedly is the fastest and the most convenient. It is incredible that a businessman drives his car form Beijing to New York, while it is not surprising that it only takes several hours between such two cities if you take the flight. On account of airplanes saving much time, nowadays many large Multinational Corporations do business not only in their own countries but in other ones, making their extending services easier for more and more people to approach.

Moreover, airplanes largely contribute to the communication of the people between different countries as well as diverse cultures Regardless of races, religions and political beliefs, people’s connections have become much closer. It is common that one person travels from east hemisphere to west hemisphere while in the past it seemed to be something unbelievable. With all kinds of purposes, such as taking a vacation, doing business and visiting the relatives, people could spend much less time than before in traveling. Suppose we live in a world without airplanes, Olympic Games would not gain success and popularity as they do now. Besides, it is impossible that a large number of students go abroad for further education from their own countries every year.

From the statements discussed above, it can be clearly seen that airplanes have much more advantages than any other vehicles. Undoubtedly, it is airplanes that greatly change our lives.

stoneSQUID: 2145827

但是你自己最后一段的结论不是说好的影响是主要的吗

WeOnUID: 2110447

昨天写了篇，30min。
第一次给自己定死时间，发现好紧啊，只写了240字，我不好意思发上来了...

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

每段的开头最好统一，第二段用Secondly,第一段就用firstly比较好。你这几段的字数分配再注意一下，B1再多写一些，重点谈。而且你没明确提出“changes”。B2的观点很好的。写作文的时候一定要注意立意——立异。其实观点不要一定太古怪，但是多想想与最简单的那些不一样的方面。比如一个很现实的东西（比如此题，或是技术等等）对社会、文明、经济、精神等非实体方面的影响，反之亦然；大的现象就说对小的、个人的影响’小的就说对社会、群体的影响~~~肯定会能想到的，只是要脑子转个弯而已。

另外你的结尾注意一下，其实你的说法有个小小的误曲。题目说“change people‘s lives”，change就一定是positive的吗？它是个中性词对吧？所以说，积极变化可以写，消极变化也是可以写的啊！而且大部分的人都只是写正面的而忽视负面。你写了，但是却把它和change对立起来，很遗憾啊~~ 不过，确实挺不错的 咩咩~~~~

fanfancy1026UID: 2126743

评北回归线的

Automobiles, as the major modern transportation vehicles, change people’s lives a lot from the day they came into use.（句子用的不错，值得学习） They bring a great deal of benefits to improve our lives. However, everything divides into two. Similar with all other modern technologies, automobiles also lead to some global problems, which influence people’s lives from the other side.（句子结构都不错，应该尽量用使表达地道点）

As is known to everybody, automobile offers a much more convenient method for travel. Just imagine what would be like if we want to have a trip from Nanjing to Beijing in ancient times. Maybe it would take us over one month to cover such a long distance even by horse. But nowadays, we can arrive there in 20 hours. With the help of automobiles, one can travel to almost any exact desired location in record time.（例子很好，对比很鲜明） In addition, we could get rid of the disagreeable gas and dust on the road. And there must be a personal space in the cars or buses for each person to let everyone do not feel crowded. All above makes our modern trip much more efficient and comfortable. Some people even consider driving as a pleasure, and driving trip is becoming a worldwide popular hobby.

At the same time, with the development of the automobile, we can enjoy more sufficient supply of goods and materials. The world seems to be smaller and smaller. Trucks transport cargos across countries. As a result, food and other consumables have become available even in remote areas. Today, people are able to buy almost any goods they want no matter where they originate from, and to make choices among more counterparts, and the best of all, to take the goods home with less expense. Thanks to automobiles, people’s overall living standards have improved conspicuously.good

While understanding the truth that automobiles do us much good, it is also important to see the disadvantages of them. Statistics from a research indicate that on average every 3 seconds there is one person killed in the car accident. The threat from automobile safety problems towards people’s lives has far surpassed that from cancer or any other diseases. Not to mention the air pollution: harmful gases exhausted by automobiles in metropolitan create serious environmental changes.


In conclusion, we could ignore neither the benefits, nor the drawbacks that automobiles bring to us. And most of all, they do change people’s lives a lot, from whatever sides.

写得果然是好，值得学习:handshake:handshake
只是个人以为不需要花那么多的篇幅你用的是一段来写汽车的不好，是不是结尾的时候提提就可以了，可以再加一段理由段，不过不管怎么说，比我写得好，值得学习:victory::victory::victory:

[ Last edited by fanfancy1026 on 2005-12-30 at 01:07 ]

窗UID: 209565

请斑竹给４７楼的窗评一下，好吗，谢谢了．

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

Hundreds of years ago, flying like a bird is still a dream for human beings, but now, airplanes are so common that you can go anywhere in the world by taking a plane (air),I think(believe that) airplane has changed people’s lives a lot based on following reasons :

Automobiles and bicycles are transportation vehicles traveling on the ground while airplane is the only one that doesn’t rely on land which is a great progress in the history of transportation, so it become the most fast way of transportation, besides, the independence of land enables it go cross the ocean in just a dozen of hours, people who live in different continent can visit each other so convenient now. While ship needs a few months and Automobiles and bicycles can never do it.
这段本来想给你改改,可是发现,这一段只有两句话,而最后一句只是一个从句,没主语和谓语:L 还是你自己改改吧,首先,把TS简洁明了写在开头.先写飞机然后再写while汽车单车什么的。另外,注意断句.你的观点和想法其实还是不错的,但是不要一味想用复杂句.你在besides前就可以点句号了.一口气一口气慢慢说.

The appear(appearence) of airplane take (took/takes) people’s work to a new stage, no one can imaging going to a conference hold in a place thousands of miles a way and coming back in a single day many years ago when there was no airplane, (注意断句啊~~~)  it is very common now, (还是断句,前后都是完整的句子) my father is one of those who often fly here and there to meet different people and deal with different things, taking airplane saves his time ,and in (nowadays是副词,不能 in)nowadays, time is the (这个the放在这觉得好别扭啊) money ,airplane makes his work more effective.

Not only airplane changed people’s way of doing work , but also it gives our a excellent opportunity to go on a trip to father  (farther) places during a shorter period of time . we now can ( can now ) make a one-week trip to a couple of foreign countries as many travel agencies advertised which can be seen on the streets or TV, life become more attractive and pleasant.

Though the fee charged by airplane seems a little high for ordinary people, but (前面有though了) it can’t demonstrate any things that can prove the airplane didn’t put a great changes on people’s lives. (这个双重否定在语法上让人看着好难受啊. 而且这样的话并不能支持你的观点.你就直接说它重大就行了,这样说会让人觉得很有问题.比如,这个it是指什么?是fee charge吗? 不能否定,那也没说就一定能支持啊,你这样说是何苦呢)
加油:cool::victory:

[ Last edited by 逆风飞羊 on 2005-12-30 at 12:10 ]

斯塔赖特UID: 193437

我的贴就在10楼啊~~bz不给看~~~没天理阿~~

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

With the advancement of new technology, there are numerous numbers of transportation vehicles nowadays. It cannot be doubted that people's lives have encountered a revolutionary change in the last few decades due to the development of so many vehicles. If I were asked to choose one of them which changed people’s lives greatly, I would choose automobiles. The reasons given as follows can substantiate my choice.

First of all, no one can deny that automobiles have improved our lives dramatically. For instance, with the availability of automobiles, we can go shopping more conveniently and efficiently. Quite the country (这是什么用法啊) , in the past, we had to cover long distances on foot and spent a large amount of time to the shopping mall, and when we finished shopping, we had to go home with so many things in hand that we are really worn out arriving at home. However, automobiles help save us a great deal of (应该是只能形容可数名词) time as well as energy and therefore bring people’s lives to a new era.

Nevertheless, automobiles have also brought about some undesirable side effects to our lives. Take the environment for example. It is of significant importance to realize that automobiles have polluted our environment to a great degree. There are not only waste gas but also harmful residues given off from automobiles. Meanwhile, automobiles give rise to many traffic accidents and every year, thousands of people in the world are killed or horribly mutilated by them. In addition, an increasing number of people have been complaining about the frequent traffic jam and thus get a bad mood for their lives.

Last but not least, automobiles do provide a new pattern of life and a higher horizon to people. (没太看懂 这new pattern 和higher horizon在这段里指的是什么啊??) What we can do for travel is not just lead by a guide and see what he/she tells us to. Instead, we are able to obtain much more freedom to go everywhere we like and every time we can by our own cars. Therefore, we can broaden our horizon and gain much more knowledge throughout the world.

Despite the fact that automobiles might bring us a few demerits such as pollution, noise and heavy traffic, I would like to conclude that automobiles have changed our lives to be more convenient and comfortable. However, it is undeniable that other transportation vehicles, especially airplanes, also have changed our lives to some extent, but this is for another essay. (晕你这句话.既然都是for another essay了,写在这里干吗?还不都删掉~~~)

B1和B2写的呼应的很好，先写正的再写负的,挺好的.这是我见到的第一个有意识地这样写的.赞一个:victory::lol
但是建议你还是正的写的多些,因为毕竟你的观点还是积极的变化多些.
well done!!

poraporaUID: 2156020

Since entering to the twentieth century, our Earth seems smaller and much easier
for us to communicate with people in other countries by the invention of telephone and the greatest transportation - airplane, which can bring people go through the ocean and desert to another side on the Earth.

Before airplans come to the world, people ship to the other side of ocean; ride camels to across the desert; or travelling on land by train. Travelling days to months for long distance was very common that time. However, now it takes only about 13 hours from  Beijing to the west coast of the United States, less than 1 day to go around the world. It absolutely saves time for travelling or business and induces the development of all around the world.

Nowaday, there are hundreds of airplanes travelling on the sky and each needs a variety of materials to be produced. It brings up  the the demand of any kind of material used in airplane, from metal to glass, from blankets to rubber, thus pushes the economic development. Also, in the other hand, as more people have more willingness to go travelling to the other countries, and higher service quality required, then give the great opportunity of the growth of the travel industries.

As the new century coming, airplanes have became the most popular choice to travel around the world. They supply not only in conveniency on travelling but have more more demand on their production, thus strengthen the economic status. As far as I am concerned, I do figure out the airplane is the most important invention in the modern times.

PS. 麻烦请羊大大百忙之中抽空帮我改一下第三期的作文~在88楼~~
谢谢喔~~

[ Last edited by porapora on 2005-12-30 at 15:32 ]

nisionUID: 2134223

谢谢 StoneSQ的修改和意见,自己的问题还很多

fanfanzozoUID: 2114008

Originally posted by pirate_sql at 2005-12-30 13:04
请各位高手给43楼的发表点意见好吗！！！谢了！

Airplanes, the most fastfastest transportation vehicle in current days, have brought significant changes in people’s lives. It is airplane that plays animportant role in several aspects of our lives. There are numerous reasons why I make such a statement, and I would expose only a few of the most important ones here.
First and foremost, as the most advanced transportation vehicle, airplane make it more convenient for people to have an access to different places all over the world. Therefore, airplane contributes a lot to open people’s mind and to enhance the communication among people in different regions. 前两句换下位置,主题句该放在最前面For example, nowadays, Chinese students who tend to go to America for further education can finish their travel in no more than 24 hours. Just recall how long Columbus spent in his voyage to America, people would readily to agree with such statement that the airplane has changed our lives.

Additionally, no body 笔误?can deny that it is airplane that make people’s romantic dream of flying came true. With the help of airplane people can appreciate the world which is acquaint to us from a fresh perspective. And the traveling by air could offer us an interesting experience which can not be provided by other vehicles. I can still recall how excited I am when I have my first traveling by air. So, isn’t airplane that gave me a new picture of our world and brought some special experiences in my life? I believe, that’s also the reason for some one else to argue that the airplane has changed our lives.

fastest

Although airplane can be regarded as a fresh man compared with other transportation vehicles just like automobile and bicycle, it has played great influence on our lives. And, take into account of all the factors, I can easily reach the conclusion that it is airplane that changed our lives.
文章有些单薄，飞机作为一种越来越普及的交通工具，对我们生活的影响只是飞行的体验吗，一种新奇的感受吗？觉得它的影响该是方方面面的，好的坏的

hotkenUID: 2135671

版主哦，我的在48楼哩，帮我看看哟~~~
还有问题想问你一下。。题库里的第87题说过去一百年的发现是不是非得自己国家的阿？它后面那个限定语in your country是修饰哪个

poraporaUID: 2156020

请各位大大帮我看一下#57的作文 谢谢喔!~~