【作文互改组27】stoneSQ（version2!）&zhangheng1020

stoneSQUID: 2145827

感谢avex,小羊斑竹和yuchen给予的修改意见，版本二：
Since the origin of the human beings, people’s life has never stopped changing owing to many factors. In the following part, I will narrow down my topic on a kind of transportation vehicle – airplanes to present which changes the use of airplanes has brought about to our life.

Firstly, airplanes are the quickest transportation vehicles common in people’s everyday life, which facilitates people’s life greatly. Nowadays, people suffer from far less limitations of distance than they used to be because of such speedy vehicles as airplanes, which can be depicted vividly with the popular words – the earth village. In ancient times, people’s life was mainly confined to local areas near their habitats and traveling between cities might cost several days or even months. While in modern society, thanks to the rapidity and convenience of airplanes, a businessman are able to have meetings in Tokyo and romantic supper with his wife just in the same day.

Secondly, the invention of airplanes transformed people’s belief about human being’s intelligence and abilities. Before Wright Brother made the first flight successfully in human history, almost nobody believed that humans were capable of flying freely in the sky like birds. Such doubt and nonconfidence about humans’ wisdom were drastically shattered. Modern people would not easily conclude that something is impossible.

Another point that also deserves to be mentioned here is that airplanes have not only served as a kind of vehicle, but also functioned as indispensable facilities in a variety of industries, which make people’s work more efficiently and contribute greatly to saving people’s life.

However, some negative effects caused by airplanes should also attract our attention. A large number of airplanes are utilized in wars to bomb cities and quite a few people lose their lives in accidents due to airplane crashes.

To conclude, nobody can deny the tremendous changes coming along with the popularity of airplanes, no matter positive or negative. In my opinion the positive influences of airplanes outweigh negative ones.


这两天有点忙，所以才写。

Many transportation vehicles such as bicycles, automobiles and airplanes have brought great changes to people’s life style and attitudes about life. If I am asked to choose one kind of vehicle that influences people’s life typically, I will highlight airplanes because of the following reasons:

First of all, airplanes are the quickest transportation vehicles common in people’s everyday life. It is such speedy vehicles as airplanes that make our earth more like a village where people suffer from far less limitations of distance. For example, a businessman who is having a meeting with his customers in Japan in the morning and he will enjoy his dinner with his wife and children by taking on a non-stop airplane in the afternoon.

Secondly, the invention of airplanes transformed people’s belief about the world, which is that nothing is impossible for intelligent human beings. Those people, living centuries ago, who made the conclusion that humans couldn’t fly freely like a bird in the sky would be astonished by airplanes commuting between metropolises all over the world. It is often heard that people take the invention of airplanes for instance to support their ideas that what they are doing is of high probability.

Another point that also deserves mentioned here is the function that airplanes play in modern wars. Frankly speaking, airplanes have been serving as crucial transportation vehicles – carrying soldiers from their hometown to the battlefield, conveying bombs to destroy cities ahead of terrestrial forces and so forth. The use of airplanes causes much more pains.

To conclude, nobody can deny the tremendous changes coming along with the application of airplanes, though some effects may be negative. Every coin has two sides after all.

[ Last edited by stoneSQ on 2005-12-30 at 14:00 ]

avexUID: 159089

占沙发
下班回去狂写作文

stoneSQUID: 2145827

就等着你的文章呢。expecting ...

avexUID: 159089

Many transportation vehicles such as bicycles, automobiles and airplanes have brought great changes to people’s life style and attitudes about life. 这两个很别扭 If I am asked to choose one kind of vehicle that influences people’s life typically, I will highlight airplanes这么说很别扭不如用my chioce will settle on airplanes firmly because of the following reasons: 用句号

First of all, airplanes are the quickest transportation vehicles common in people’s everyday life. It is such speedy vehicles as airplanes that make our earth more like a village where people suffer from far less limitations of distance.这句不如直接到装写，而且where可以不用，直接对应首段attitutes or notion For example, a businessman who is having a meeting 时态有问题with his customers in Japan in the morning and he will enjoy his dinner with his wife and children by taking on a non-stop airplane in the afternoon.这个说法罗嗦，不如就用你下面用过commute来说。 Thanks to the rapidity and mobilty of airplanes, one businessman might commute betwixt(搞个笑) two countries and have both the business meeting in tokyo and romantic supper with the fabulous lady in the city of new york in just one day. (lady改成family,换个place比较稳妥，万一判卷的比较conservative)
Secondly, the invention of airplanes transformed people’s belief about the world, which is that nothing is impossible for intelligent human beings. Those people, living centuries ago, who made the conclusion that humans couldn’t 书面不能用缩写算错误， could not fly freely like a bird in the sky would be astonished by airplanes commuting between metropolises all over the world. It is often heard that people take the invention of airplanes for instance to support their ideas that what they are doing is of high probability这个同位语从句在逻辑和句式上都不好.
对主题帮助不强
就是你说了一个fact sinks in : airplanes change the idea of people about the possiblity of themselves. 但是你没有给出warrant 为什么这个change in attitutes 怎么和change people's lives

Another point that also deserves mentioned here deserves to be mentioned here is the function that airplanes play in modern wars. Frankly speaking, airplanes have been serving as crucial transportation vehicles 加状语吧– carrying soldiers from their hometown to the battlefield, conveying bombs to destroy cities ahead of terrestrial forces and so forth. The use of airplanes causes much more pains.这不要用much more吧，不要做比较因为重点是change，你要突出的是also就是说明thinking的全面性

这段的意思我明白，但单独突出military use有点诡异的说
因为飞机并不是pains的造成的主要和直接原因

To conclude, nobody can deny the tremendous changes coming along with the application of airplanes, though some effects may be negative. Every coin has two sides 这句就不要使了，因为twe只有人判；考官一看就会吐的 after all.

ps:来坐坐吧，我这招组员呢：）
    https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

[ Last edited by avex on 2005-12-29 at 22:50 ]

yuchenUID: 2111079

感谢stoneSQ的修改，拍的很好，我的回拍如下：
Many transportation vehicles such as bicycles, automobiles and airplanes have brought great changes to people’s life style and attitudes about life【只用life style就好】. If I am asked to choose one kind of vehicle that influences people’s life typically【这词放在这个位置好吗？】, I will highlight airplanes because of the following reasons：

First of all, airplanes are the quickest transportation vehicles common in people’s everyday life. It is such speedy vehicles as airplanes that make our earth more like a village where people suffer from far less limitations of distance.【这句是要用强调句型把，很好，但读着有些别扭，特别是后面的好几层从句。还有，有make sth like sth的用法吗？这里的like可是介词呀，不知这样说好不好: make our earth increasingly become a large village】 For example, a businessman who is having a meeting with his customers in Japan in the morning and he will enjoy his dinner with his wife and children by taking on【用taking 就行吧】 a non-stop airplane in the afternoon

Secondly, the invention of airplanes transformed people’s belief 【？】about the world, which is that nothing is impossible for intelligent human beings【这句再改改】. Those people, living centuries ago, who made the conclusion that humans couldn’t fly freely like a bird in the sky would be astonished by airplanes commuting between metropolises all over the world. It is often heard that people take the invention of airplanes for instance to support their ideas that what they are doing is of high probability.
【这段的观点很好，赞一下】

Another point that also deserves mentioned？ here is the function that airplanes play in modern wars. Frankly speaking, airplanes have been serving as crucial transportation vehicles – carrying soldiers from their hometown to the battlefield, conveying bombs to destroy cities ahead of terrestrial forces and so forth. The use of airplanes causes much more pains【这句太绝对了，加上军用飞机吧，不然就把前面的都推翻了。】

To conclude, nobody can deny the tremendous changes coming along with the application of airplanes, though some effects may be negative. Every coin has two sides after all. 【我认为要正反两面说还是应该把主要支持的观点表明】

[ Last edited by yuchen on 2005-12-30 at 11:00 ]

avexUID: 159089

hehe
是increasingly

stoneSQUID: 2145827

刚刚更新完毕，^_^

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

take a site here... to be continue...

yogurt4UID: 198389

seat taken:D

stoneSQUID: 2145827

这位特约老师又来了哈，欢迎欢迎！

yogurt4UID: 198389

Originally posted by stoneSQ at 2005-12-30 22:25
这位特约老师又来了哈，欢迎欢迎！

真不好意思:$
你们都是GT都没考过的么?
考完了上作文版玩吧:p

stoneSQUID: 2145827

好啊，考完了一定经常去，从这里获得了不少，到时也做点贡献之类，虽然能力有限，不过一定try my best