issue196 我的第一篇issue，希望大家多多指正

leongfishUID: 2176854

196"Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life."

Technology , the process and innovation by which human beings regenerate and create tools and machines so as to increase their control and understanding of the natural force, tends to transform traditional social and culture frequently with unexpected consequences. Almost every technology is designed to help humans, although sometimes they fail to do so.

Admittedly, it seems natural that technology has created all the newborn social and cultural problems .On the one hand, human’s life seems to be more inefficient since the modern technique has penetrated through everyday life: the increasing number of cars leads to more traffic jams which waste much of our time on the road; the telephone call improves our ability to communicate in the meantime threaten our personal privacy. On the other hand, technology in some extent damages our life quality: the spread of television has caused a large number of couch potatoes with beer belly; human’s eyesight is also in danger of declining when computers take up large part of our time. Therefore, with technology the society seems to have annoying problems all around and even be swamped into chaos.

Nevertheless, it is unwise to blame technology for the problems it has caused, since technology is born with the aim to solve the temporal troubles. For example, to settle the traffic jams, man has devised a city navigation system to direct cars to avoid jams; to help keep secret, scientists is trying to adopt a newly “quantum communication” which is proved to be never decoded by spies; also some advanced exercise equipment has been produce to resolve obesity problems. Therefore, human society is developing and will develop with the co-existence of diversity of problems, which are the direct motivation to drive man to pay great effort to find a way to improve the actuality and thus develop the new technology. Without such advanced techniques, man would probably still live a poor life or even be primitive.

More, as it is said, "Everything is a double-edged sword”, so is the technique. Being the creator of every technology, man has the final option to decide how to use it. So it is unadvisable to criticize the technology itself, which is born with a virtuous heart, for causing the very problem, rather than deny the fact that those who abuse the technology is the behind-the-screen murders--just like the parents who do not take on their obligations to instruct their children to be a educated person. If we unknowingly, or even deliberately misuse it, which means we use the technology far beyond its proper bound or see it as an implement to achieve some evil goals, more problems would be created definitely. An instance of the use of nuclear would best prove that. As is known to all, nuclear has a striking power. If this power is driven to offer energy, human beings will sure to acquire great profit. However, if such a double-edged sword is used to produce nuclear weapon, millions of lives may be killed in just a few seconds. So only by using the technology rationally can we benefit from its real advantages and then create a better life quality.

[ 本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2006-1-18 13:38 编辑 ]

yogurt4UID: 198389

看看置顶NEEDLE的帖子,谢谢:)

sudongpoUID: 2125302

Technology , the process and innovation by which human beings regenerate and create tools and machines so as to increase their control and understanding of the natural force, tends to transform traditional social and culture frequently with unexpected consequences. Almost every technology is designed to help humans, although sometimes they fail to do so.(感觉上第一段应该表明自己的观点，这样比较符合美国人的直线思维。第一句话写得好，什么时候我才能写出这样的长句子呢？)
Admittedly, it seems natural that technology has created all the newborn social and cultural problems .On the one hand, human’s life seems to be more inefficient since the modern technique has penetrated through everyday life: the increasing number of cars leads to more traffic jams which wastes much of our time on the road; the telephone call improves our ability to communicate in the meantime threatens our personal privacy. On the other hand, technology in some extent （这个用法有点奇怪，不能确定是否有问题，大家怎么看？）damages our life quality: The spread of television has caused a large number of couch potatoes with beer belly; human’s eyesight is also in danger of declining when computers take up large part of our time. Therefore, with technology the society seems to have annoying problems all around and even be swamped into chaos.
（这段是同意题目的观点，写得很好呀，不过要注意一下第三人称单数，句子长了就容易出错了。）

Nevertheless, it is unwise to blame technology for the problems it has caused, since technology is born with the aim to solve the temporal troubles. For example, to settle（settle 的这个用法没见过，但感觉用在这很不错,能否给我讲讲） the traffic jams, man has devised a city navigation system to direct cars to avoid jams; to help keep secret, scientists are trying to adopt a newly “quantum communication” which is proved to be never decoded by spies; also some advanced exercise equipment has been produced to resolve obesity problems. （Therefore, human society is developing and will develop with the co-existence of diversity of problems, which are the direct motivation to drive man to pay great effort to find a way to improve the actuality and thus develop the new technology.）（个人觉得这得因果关系有点小问题，感觉很生硬和不连贯） Without such advanced techniques, man would probably still live a poor life or even be primitive.

Moreover（more 太口语化了，应该避免）, as it is said, "Everything is a double-edged sword”, so is the technique. Being the creator of every technology, man has the final option to decide how to use it. So it is unadvisable to criticize the technology itself, which is born with a virtuous heart, for causing（逻辑有点问题?是否应该是solving） the very problem, rather than deny the fact that those who abuse the technology is (are) the behind-the-screen murders--just like the parents who do not take on their obligations to instruct their children to be a educated person. If we unknowingly, or even deliberately misuse it, which means we use the technology far beyond its proper bound or see it as an implement to achieve some evil goals, more problems would be created definitely. An instance of the use of nuclear would best prove that. As it is known to all, nuclear has a striking power. If this power is driven to offer energy, human beings will sure to acquire great profits. However, if such a double-edged sword is used to produce nuclear weapon, millions of lives may be killed in just a few seconds. So only by using the technology rationally can we benefit from its real advantages and then create a better life quality.

感觉上最好还是要有一个结尾的段落，来重申自己的观点。
总的来说这篇文章写得很好（至少比我的好很多很多）句式丰富，….表扬的话就不多说了。不足就是全文都没有说出自己的观点，感觉是在读完了全文后总结出来的作者的观点，虽然文章是中庸的写法，但是还是要在适当的地方提出自己的论点，因为老美是不会去提取中心思想的。
就这么多了，水平有限，一家之言，仅供参考。

leongfishUID: 2176854

sudongpoUID: 2125302

不用谢啦， 觉得你比我写的好多了，有空帮我也改改吧，多多向你学习呀！
我是12楼的，作文的连接也在12楼！谢啦:victory:

leongfishUID: 2176854

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

原帖由 yogurt4 于 2006-1-18 13:39 发表
看看置顶NEEDLE的帖子,谢谢:)

置顶似乎比较普遍叫做 BUMP:o

fathippohuhuUID: 2171795

我看^_^.

awonderUID: 200778

leongfish的文章写得很好啊！用语很地道，句式丰富！要向你多多学习！能否介绍介绍经验！

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

Admittedly, it seems natural that technology has created all the newborn social and cultural problems .On the one hand, human’s life seems to be more inefficient since the modern technique has penetrated through everyday life: the increasing number of cars leads to more traffic jams which wastes much of our time on the road; the telephone call improves our ability to communicate in the meantime threatens our personal privacy. On the other hand, technology in some extent （这个用法有点奇怪，不能确定是否有问题，大家怎么看？）(On the other hand 和 in some extent 意思重复保留一个就好) damages our life quality: The spread of television has caused a large number of couch potatoes with beer belly; human’s eyesight is also in danger of declining when computers take up large part of our time. Therefore, with technology the society seems to have annoying problems all around and even be swamped into chaos.

Nevertheless, it is unwise to blame technology for the problems it has caused, since technology is born with the aim to solve the temporal troubles. For example, to settle（settle 的这个用法没见过，但感觉用在这很不错,能否给我讲讲）

settle 1
[5set(E)l]
vt., vi.
-tled, -tling
定居；使定居
My son has settled happily in America.
我儿子已在美国愉快地定居了。
殖民
The Dutch settled in South Africa.
荷兰人殖民南非。
安置；安顿
We are settled in our new home.
我们住入新居。
落下；栖息
The insect settled on a leaf.
一只昆虫落在一片树叶上。
使平静，使安静，使镇静
Wait until the excitement has settled down.
等到兴奋的情绪镇静下来再说。
沉淀；澄清；使沉淀；使澄清
（建筑物、地面等）下陷，陷落
决定，确定；解决
We have settled who will pay  for the meal.
我们已经定了由谁来付饭钱。
They settled the dispute among themselves.
他们自己把这个争论解决了。
〈法〉和解
偿清，付还
Please settle your account immediately.
请立刻结清你的欠帐。

这个写得很好，我比较菜，总结不出来，只是看得很顺,非常顺。

leongfishUID: 2176854

我觉得把in some extent 改为in certain extent （固定搭配）好点，意为在一定程度上，应该和on the other hand 无重复，还有settle 可当作solve 的同义变换把，个人觉得settle 更强调解决的过程与所耗的努力。