shiyan

songsuenghunUID: 2147227

在wqyl修改的基础上加上了一些自己的意见

I disagree with the assertion that colleges and universities "is"去掉 should allow students to enroll only in those courses that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields ,in stead of it ,改标点,去掉of it they are needed to take courses in a variety of disciplines in a proper way.
最后一句话感觉有点怪

     First of all, though the goal of education is to prepare the students into(prepare 好象不能和into搭配) the society by giving them the knowledge and the ability to do well in their major course and in their professional career, there are far more important things than that that 好象指代不清,是the knowledge and the ability 吧 ,such as  values, honesty ,self-discipline, moral views, logical thinking ,creative problem solving .This capacity should be attained attain the capacity? through studying a variety of disciplines .Different courses may teach one different things and enable us with  different abilities ,which are also crucial to one's future career.这句话应该在改进一下,前半句搭配似乎不当 Just as Francis Bacon said:” Histories make men wise ,poem witty, the mathematics subtle, natural philosophy deep ,moral grave, logical and rhetorical able to contend.” Then the student, who has taken wide range of?courses, may enrich his/her character and contribute greatly to society in their future career.
例子感觉不错,但是语言应该再注意一下,我觉得句子和句子之间的逻辑关系也不是很清楚.比如最后一句和你举的例子就不是因果关系,例子并没有说contribute to the society
(引用培根的话在这篇文章很好,值得学习!)
    Secondly, any work in the world are(is) not absolutelyabsolutely>necessarily? disconnected with other jobs ,which use different knowledge from the former work感觉这个从句应该去掉,jobs后边加上分词做伴随就可以了, take take 大写吧the anthropologist for instance, he can not excel in后边宾语呢 without the knowledge of political and social events that shape the culture ,and can not do well in 问题同上without understanding archeology and geology.似乎有点牵强.我觉得不必具体写出哪些学科 And the political leader who is bind (blind)to economics and history (lack of the knowledge of economics and history) may be去掉 make a worse哪里来的比较级? decision and finally even blockade the development of the society.

    In addition, event（even） if the students only去掉 take the course(courses) in their chosen fields, they cannot mater it?什么意思?不懂 without  learning a variety of courses in other field(fields), which are also important to their future work .Take my major chemistry for example ,there are many intercourses(是交往、交流之意，用在这不恰当，interdisciplinarity更好) related to other courses in the area, such as 去掉逗号 physical chemistry ,environmental chemistry ,biochemistry and not least these courses 是不是 so on就可以了.As  the  president in my department  once said(and I paraphrase);" when you graduate from school ,maybe you will participate in kind of去掉 jobs related to （本段就多次使用这一短语，语言没有变化）chemistry ,but the courses ranging from physical chemistry to biochemistry you have had and will have may exert an positive effect  to your future work ,so take care of the courses related to your major. You will learn a lot from it（them）" This illustrate that theythey指代谁? should not only take courses in one’s chosen field ,but also should learn the related knowledge from other disciplines.
我感觉引用的话有点长.个人观点
这段的论据没有分量，无论你本段的论点和引用的内容都是要说明其他学科的学习对本专业有好处，但你并没有从具体的例子加以陈述到底在那些方面产生积极影响，这样会显得比较空洞，另外物理化学和环境化学是否都属于化学这一范畴？

   In the final analysis, student should strike(strike 是否可以和balance连用?) a proper balance between(加the) main courses and the minor courses they take, certainly they should do well in the specific requirement of their major course(courses) of study(用by studying their major courses更好),and complement these effort in joining a proper variety of disciplines as well(此句不通), by earnestly pursuing a broad view of education, they obtain the capacity not only enable them to do well in the future career, but also get a full development of their own character
最后一段标点和大小写有点看不清

我也是头一次改作文啊,语气可能太重.感觉词汇应该再丰富一点,句子结构要注意,然后就是标点符号应该清楚

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

第一次发么

加油撒

不过发帖子的格式不对捏

看看顶上NEEDLE的帖子,自己动手改一下吧