Issue208 人的外在与社会的内在 恳请拍砖!

PsychocandyUID: 171159

208."The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

提纲：

首段：可以通过外在表现人们的态度和兴趣甚至一个社会的思想和价值观。但肤浅并且狭窄。

然后是1转折2并列3的结构
BODY1：可以反映一些。穆斯林不吃猪肉认为猪脏；日本人穿着正式反映重视工作；

BODY2：但是通过外在所了解的会肤浅，需要研究来获得更深和更有意义的关于一个社会的信息。穆斯林为什么不吃猪肉的研究。

BODY3：而且通过外在观察的会狭窄。一个社会有多种文化。与其说是反映了一个社会，不如说是反映人所代表的某种文化。素食主义只代表西方众多饮食文化中的一个。

末段：总结，给建议。


The ways people look, dress, and act do reveal their attitudes and interests, and we can learn a lot about individual persons and even learn a society’s ideas and values by observing its people’s appearance and behavior. However, what we learn in this way is rather limited because it tends to be superficial and narrow.

We can tell much about a society from its people’s appearance and behavior. For example, Muslim people do not eat pork due to their religion in which pigs are thought as dirty. In this case, by observing the fact that Muslim people do not eat pork and asking them why not, we have learned their attitudes toward a certain kind of animal. Also, in films and television news reports, we often see that Japanese people are dressed rather formally. We may learn from this that maybe Japanese people value their work more highly than recreations and leisure activities. It is true that by observing people’s behavior and appearance we can learn something about a society.

However, this outward information about people may be very superficial. For example, as mentioned above, we have learned Muslim people’s attitudes towards pigs. This is rather superficial as we only know that they think pigs are dirty. To learn deeper and more meaningful truth about this idea of Muslim people we need to consider why they have this attitude, and to do this, we need to refer to Islam sacred books and need to consider the idea from historical and anthropological points of view. Rather than simply observe phenomena of a society’s people’s customs, we have to study, which means we have to observe and analyze the phenomena and think, to more deeply understand a society’s ideas and values.

Besides, what we learn from people’s behavior and appearance is often rather narrow because there are usually so many different cultures within a society and individuals’ behavior and appearance are only representative of the cultures they belong to. What we observe is people from a culture rather than a society. For example, in modern western countries, there are many vegetarians. They do not eat flesh of animals either because they think diets containing only vegetation are healthful or because they think that animals deserve more rights than they have now. By observing their eating habits, we will learn some western people’s ideas and values towards eating. However, vegetarian people make up only a small portion of the whole population in any western society. They can only represent vegetarianism which is a culture among the many eating cultures that a western society has. For example, there are French food culture, fast food culture and even anorexia nervosa culture and they are all parts of a western society’s ideas towards eating.

In conclusion, we can learn about a society’s ideas and values but what we learn is often superficial and narrow. To get more meaningful information about a society’s ideas and values, we need to study why the society’s people have them. In addition, because a society has so many different cultures, we will have to study the behavior and appearance of people from many different cultures of a society to learn and even understand its ideas and values.

另外：
1.这是严重超时写的又自己改过的版本。
2.本想限时，可是没有提纲，思路太慢又想不到合适的例子，磨了半天才有思路，确实是现想现写啊。本来只想到素食主义的例子就想到了这样观察人观察到的是社会中的文化而不是一个社会。就想写二分的：1能了解社会2其实了解的是社会中的文化，但感觉缺东西而且这两个的逻辑关系整不太清楚，前后矛盾。后来磨了半天才想出肤浅这层感觉。思路进展比较混乱。
3.篇幅太长了，考试绝对写不了这么多。

请看完了的同学不怕麻烦的话回答我三个问题：
一、为了使例子贴近BODY段的主题意思，例子后面感觉需要再来一句话解释一下往上拽，这个措辞什么的最费脑筋和时间。有没有什么简单易行的方法写这句话？到了考场，时间紧又心慌，怕就放弃来这么一句了，例子完了这段直接结束。有点突兀?
二、日本人穿着正式能不能说明他们重视工作不重视休闲，我自己有点怀疑。所以我在句子里加了个maybe
三、说观察人们的外在肤浅和狭窄是不是仍然显得牵强？

virginia730UID: 208873

不好意思~~~~来晚了
占位~~

我的马甲UID: 2177806

208."The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

提纲：

首段：可以通过外在表现人们的态度和兴趣甚至一个社会的思想和价值观。但肤浅并且狭窄。

然后是1转折2并列3的结构
BODY1：可以反映一些。穆斯林不吃猪肉认为猪脏；日本人穿着正式反映重视工作；

BODY2：但是通过外在所了解的会肤浅，需要研究来获得更深和更有意义的关于一个社会的信息。穆斯林为什么不吃猪肉的研究。

BODY3：而且通过外在观察的会狭窄。一个社会有多种文化。与其说是反映了一个社会，不如说是反映人所代表的某种文化。素食主义只代表西方众多饮食文化中的一个。

末段：总结，给建议。


The ways people look, dress, and act do reveal their attitudes and interests, and we can learn a lot about individual persons and even learn a society’s ideas and values by observing its people’s appearance and behavior. However, what we learn in this way is rather limited because it tends to be superficial and narrow.

We can tell much about a society from its people’s appearance and behavior. [对这个TS的分析，WHY we can tell ... 还有，是这个society的value 还是 idea，还是都有]For example, Muslim people do not eat pork due to their religion in which pigs are thought as dirty. In this case, by observing the fact that Muslim people do not eat pork and asking them why not, we have learned their attitudes toward a certain kind of animal. Also, in films and television news reports, we often see that Japanese people are dressed rather formally. We may learn from this that maybe Japanese people value their work more highly than recreations and leisure activities. It is true that by observing people’s behavior and appearance we can learn something about a society. [建议把最后这个IT IS TRUE的句式作为你的TS，然后结尾可以用现在TS那种句子。这样B1和B2的TS就构成了一个转折。当然，个人建议。
这段的例子都很好，看过后很受教，不过稍欠分析，不妨说一句社会主流的idea和value决定了他们穿什么，吃什么。]

However, this outward information about people may be very superficial. For example, as mentioned above, we have learned Muslim people’s attitudes towards pigs. This is rather superficial as we only know that they think pigs are dirty. To learn deeper and more meaningful truth about this idea of Muslim people we need to consider why they have this attitude, and to do this, we need to refer to Islam sacred books and need to consider the idea from historical and anthropological points of view. Rather than simply observe phenomena of a society’s people’s customs, we have to study, which means we have to observe and analyze the phenomena and think, to more deeply understand a society’s ideas and values. [这一段我还是觉得少分析]

Besides, what we learn from people’s behavior and appearance is often rather narrow because there are usually so many different cultures within a society and individuals’ behavior and appearance are only representative of the cultures they belong to. What we observe is people from a culture rather than a society. For example, in modern western countries, there are many vegetarians. They do not eat flesh of animals either because they think diets containing only vegetation are healthful or because they think that animals deserve more rights than they have now. ["because either or" and "either because or because", which is better? i prefer to the former] By observing their eating habits, we will learn some western people’s ideas and values towards eating. However, vegetarian people make up only a small portion of the whole population in any western society. They can only represent vegetarianism which is a culture among the many eating cultures that a western society has. For example, there are French food culture, fast food culture and even anorexia nervosa culture and they are all parts of a western society’s ideas towards eating.

In conclusion, we can learn about a society’s ideas and values [by它的人的外表和行动] but what we learn is often superficial and narrow. To get more meaningful information about a society’s ideas and values, we need to study why the society’s people have them. In addition, because a society has so many different cultures, we will have to study the behavior and appearance of people from many different cultures of a society to learn and even understand its ideas and values.

另外：
1.这是严重超时写的又自己改过的版本
2.本想限时，可是没有提纲，思路太慢又想不到合适的例子，磨了半天才有思路，确实是现想现写啊。本来只想到素食主义的例子就想到了这样观察人观察到的是社会中的文化而不是一个社会。就想写二分的：1能了解社会2其实了解的是社会中的文化，但感觉缺东西而且这两个的逻辑关系整不太清楚，前后矛盾。后来磨了半天才想出肤浅这层感觉。思路进展比较混乱。
3.篇幅太长了，考试绝对写不了这么多。

请看完了的同学不怕麻烦的话回答我三个问题：
一、为了使例子贴近BODY段的主题意思，例子后面感觉需要再来一句话解释一下往上拽，这个措辞什么的最费脑筋和时间。有没有什么简单易行的方法写这句话？[不知道，但如果你不是明天就考得话平时还要练习写的] 到了考场，时间紧又心慌，怕就放弃来这么一句了，例子完了这段直接结束。有点突兀? [应该是的]
二、日本人穿着正式能不能说明他们重视工作不重视休闲，我自己有点怀疑。所以我在句子里加了个maybe举例是加MAYBE不好，口气太弱了，连自己都叫不准怎么能证明你的观点呢？日本的例子我不清楚
三、说观察人们的外在肤浅和狭窄是不是仍然显得牵强？[贵在自圆其说，我太明白你这里想说什么]

[我水平有限，改得不对包涵]

PsychocandyUID: 171159

你的建议很有道理.
例子后面确实欠分析.

按你说的,我准备这样改进:

在穆斯林不吃猪肉的例子后面加上这层意思:是穆斯林社会对于猪的Idea决定了他们不吃猪肉,所以我们可以通过他们这种饮食习惯来了解穆斯林社会的一个Idea.

在日本人的例子后面加上这层意思:是这个社会的Value决定了他们的穿着,从而他们的穿着反映了日本这个社会重视工作的价值观.

在BODY2对不吃猪肉的研究后面仍然欠分析.
比如对这个问题的研究发现了一些穆斯林经典中关于猪的一些传说,是这些传说导致了猪在穆斯林社会的地位.而这些传说就不是supeficial的了,而是更有意义,更深的东西.

这样似乎好一些了,

谢谢你!

virginia730UID: 208873

208."The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

提纲：

首段：可以通过外在表现人们的态度和兴趣甚至一个社会的思想和价值观。但肤浅并且狭窄。

然后是1转折2并列3的结构
BODY1：可以反映一些。穆斯林不吃猪肉认为猪脏；日本人穿着正式反映重视工作；

BODY2：但是通过外在所了解的会肤浅，需要研究来获得更深和更有意义的关于一个社会的信息。穆斯林为什么不吃猪肉的研究。

BODY3：而且通过外在观察的会狭窄。一个社会有多种文化。与其说是反映了一个社会，不如说是反映人所代表的某种文化。素食主义只代表西方众多饮食文化中的一个。

末段：总结，给建议。提纲好专业~~~不错恩


The ways people look, dress, and act do reveal their attitudes and interests, and we can learn a lot about individual persons and even learn a society’s ideas and values by observing its people’s appearance and behavior. However, what we learn in this way is rather limited because it tends to be superficial and narrow.开头简洁清楚~!

We can tell much about a society from its people’s appearance and behavior.^_^例子占太多了,前面除了topic s 就没有了 For example, Muslim people do not eat pork due to their religion in which pigs are thought as dirty. In this case, by observing the fact that Muslim people do not eat pork and asking them why not, we have learned their attitudes toward a certain kind of animal. Also, in films and television news reports, we often see that Japanese people are dressed rather formally. We may learn from this that maybe Japanese people value their work more highly than recreations and leisure activities. It is true that by observing people’s behavior and appearance we can learn something about a society.
呵呵...例子来得也太快了点,之前也要说点话把.
However, this outward information about people may be very superficial. For example, as mentioned above, we have learned Muslim people’s attitudes towards pigs. This is rather superficial as we only know that they think pigs are dirty. To learn deeper and more meaningful truth about this idea of Muslim people we need to consider why they have this attitude, and to do this, we need to refer to Islam sacred books and need to consider the idea from historical and anthropological points of view. Rather than simply observe phenomena of a society’s people’s customs, we have to study, which means we have to observe and analyze the phenomena and think, to more deeply understand a society’s ideas and values.恩...觉得很有道理,不过题目只是说看出态度和观点,没有问态度和观点的由来. 不很切题

Besides, what we learn from people’s behavior and appearance is often rather narrow because there are usually so many different cultures within a society and individuals’ behavior and appearance are only representative of the cultures they belong to. What we observe is people from a culture rather than a society. For example, in modern western countries, there are many vegetarians. They do not eat flesh of animals...直接用meat不行吗? either because they think diets containing only vegetation are healthful or because they think that animals deserve more rights than they have now. By observing their eating habits, we will learn some western people’s ideas and values towards eating. However, vegetarian people make up only a small portion of the whole population in any western society. They can only represent vegetarianism which is a culture among the many eating cultures that a western society has. For example, there are French food culture, fast food culture and even anorexia nervosa culture请教这是什么? and they are all parts of a western society’s ideas towards eating. 这段写的好那~~~~~94说不能"盲人摸象"这样个意思把,例子也不错,想象力很丰富那~!

In conclusion, we can learn about a society’s ideas and values but what we learn is often superficial and narrow. To get more meaningful information about a society’s ideas and values, we need to study why the society’s people have them. In addition, because a society has so many different cultures, we will have to study the behavior and appearance of people from many different cultures of a society to learn and even understand its ideas and values.总结地不错~~!
同学写的很好那~字数也多.....(打击,呵呵)
观点和结构感觉不错,
但是段内安排有点不合理,例子成主体了
还有语言少许不对头~

另外：
1.这是严重超时写的又自己改过的版本。
2.本想限时，可是没有提纲，思路太慢又想不到合适的例子，磨了半天才有思路，确实是现想现写啊。本来只想到素食主义的例子就想到了这样观察人观察到的是社会中的文化而不是一个社会。就想写二分的：1能了解社会2其实了解的是社会中的文化，但感觉缺东西而且这两个的逻辑关系整不太清楚，前后矛盾。后来磨了半天才想出肤浅这层感觉。思路进展比较混乱。
3.篇幅太长了，考试绝对写不了这么多。

请看完了的同学不怕麻烦的话回答我三个问题：
一、为了使例子贴近BODY段的主题意思，例子后面感觉需要再来一句话解释一下往上拽，这个措辞什么的最费脑筋和时间。有没有什么简单易行的方法写这句话？到了考场，时间紧又心慌，怕就放弃来这么一句了，例子完了这段直接结束。有点突兀?
二、日本人穿着正式能不能说明他们重视工作不重视休闲，我自己有点怀疑。所以我在句子里加了个maybe
三、说观察人们的外在肤浅和狭窄是不是仍然显得牵强？

virginia730UID: 208873

二、日本人穿着正式能不能说明他们重视工作不重视休闲，我自己有点怀疑。所以我在句子里加了个maybe
三、说观察人们的外在肤浅和狭窄是不是仍然显得牵强？

的确觉得那个例子不是很好
赞成你的观点,其实只要你说圆就行了

还有,措辞方面,这个9帮你了你了,(我自己都郁闷).只有靠自己漫漫学习了把

virginia730UID: 208873

^_^忘了...
名言什么的我没背过(T_T我提纲都没看完,还有时间弄那个?)
觉得那...背那个固然好,但是实际作用不大(看运气了)

楼主好努力啊~~~

runningpiggyUID: 194977

The ways people look, dress, and act do reveal their attitudes and interests, and we can learn a lot about individual persons and even learn a society’s ideas and values by observing its people’s appearance and behavior.[累赘并且没有意义的restate，至少也要换一下说法吧] However, what we learn in this way is rather limited because it tends to be superficial and narrow. [表达出了自己的观点，不错]

We can tell much about a society from its people’s appearance and behavior.[例子实在是有点突然，我本打算你会用一两句话来说明一下你的观点如何正确的，比如说一个社会是由许多个体组成的，整个社会的意识形态，宗教习俗，风俗习惯等等很自然地会体现在这些个体的外表和行为上。这个只是参考，我希望带出的信息是，最好不要一来就写例子，那样容易让本来应该是论述过程的篇幅沦为例子的堆砌] For example, Muslim people[Muslims就好了，people不需要] do not eat pork due to their religion in which pigs are thought as dirty. In this case, by observing the fact that Muslim people do not eat pork and asking them why not, we have learned their attitudes toward a certain kind of animal. Also, in films and television news reports, we often see that Japanese people are dressed rather formally. We may learn from this that maybe Japanese people value their work more highly than recreations and leisure activities. It is true that by observing people’s behavior and appearance we can learn something about a society. [最后总结的这句不好，it is true that一般说了之后后面都有转折的。另外就是整段来看，基本就是两个例子堆砌而成，这样并不能表明你的观点，你说的是we can tell much about a society，这两个例子也就说了两个地方的两个方面，何来的much？要以自己的语言，把这些例子推广到别的情况，那么才能证明你的观点是正确的]

However, this outward information about people may be very superficial.[再次出现了上面的问题，TS句一完就是example] For example, as mentioned above, we have learned Muslim people’s attitudes towards pigs. This is rather superficial as we only know that they think pigs are dirty. To learn deeper and more meaningful truth about this idea of Muslim people we need to consider why they have this attitude, and to do this, we need to refer to Islam sacred books and need to consider the idea from historical and anthropological points of view. Rather than simply observe phenomena of a society’s people’s customs, we have to study, which means we have to observe and analyze the phenomena and think, to more deeply understand a society’s ideas and values. [这段的中心问题应该是证明那些表面的信息为什么是肤浅的，但是看下去就发现只有一句话是跟这个有点关系的，后面主要是在提出怎么样去深层次地认识这些现象，如果你是想这么写，那这个TS句就应该改一下了]

Besides, what we learn from people’s behavior and appearance is often rather narrow because there are usually so many different cultures within a society and individuals’ behavior and appearance are only representative of the cultures they belong to.[这个TS句有点长，because后面的部分内容或许可以另起一句来写] What we observe is people from a culture rather than a society. For example, in modern western countries, there are many vegetarians. They do not eat flesh of animals either because they think diets containing only vegetation are healthful or because they think that animals deserve more rights than they have now. By observing their eating habits, we will learn some western people’s ideas and values towards eating. However, vegetarian people make up only a small portion of the whole population in any western society. They can only represent vegetarianism which is a culture among the many eating cultures that a western society has. For example,[就不能用个别的词来举例么] there are French food culture, fast food culture and even anorexia nervosa culture and they are all parts of a western society’s ideas towards eating. [这段问题不大，但是我比较奇怪的是为什么总是写这么多例子，楼主似乎比较缺乏单单用论述来证明问题的能力。另外，最后这里最好能加上总结性的句子]

In conclusion, we can learn about a society’s ideas and values but what we learn is often superficial and narrow. To get more meaningful information about a society’s ideas and values, we need to study why the society’s people have them. In addition, because a society has so many different cultures, we will have to study the behavior and appearance of people from many different cultures of a society to learn and even understand its ideas and values. [最后总结得不错，但是如果时间不够，就扼要重复一下自己观点就好了，不需要把分论点都写出来]


[总的来说，文章缺乏应有的论证的过程，取而代之的是许多的例子，我不反对使用例子，但是我反对仅仅靠例子来证明观点。因为例子本身并不能证明什么，例子以外还需要作者的说明，说明例子跟论点的关系，说明例子如何证明论点。语言还行，语法错误基本没有，还有，实在没有什么闪光的句子，虽然比较浅显易懂，可如果想得高分，语言还需要加强，学习一下怎么写倒装，虚拟语气，强调，同位语套定从，排比等等]

PsychocandyUID: 171159

谢谢.

看了你们的意见真是很有收获啊!

如果BODY1的论点--能通过外在了解到MUCH不好写,

干脆就写至少可以了解到SOMETHING.