Argument140 第一次写，请拍砖，谢谢

于飞UID: 182859

题目：
140The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

在Thomas教授作为植物学教授的17年里，她证明了自己确实是值50000元年薪的。她的班级是本校最大的班级之一，这说明她在学生中间的受欢迎度。而且，她给学校带来的研究捐助在过去两年中都超过了她的年薪。因此，鉴于Thomas教授已被证实的教学和研究能力，我们建议将她的年薪增加10000元，并提升为系主任；如果没有这些加薪和提升，我们担心Thomas教授将会离开Elm City大学到别的学校就职。


提纲：
1新的职务不一定适合Thomas.
2工资不一定高.
3班大不一定受欢迎.


In this argument, the arguer claimed that professor Thomas should be paid more money and given a higher occupation in cases his willing for another college for higher salary. To support his view, the arguer pointed out that Thomas brought lots of fund for the research of school during the last two years. Further more, her class is one of the largest classes in the university. After careful scrutiny, however, no evidences show that Thomas is going to leave the university. Hence, the logic of this argument has some flaws which cannot contribute to the topic.

First, it is the new type of job. It's known to us that Thomas has been a professor of botany for seventeen years. What he is dealing with most everyday are plants, flowers and so on. Teaching and doing research is her main part of work. While the department chairperson is a leading person who has the ability to arrange the workload of every teacher in the office, harmonize the relationship between of workmates, and also face the difficulty it may occur. A good teacher may not be a good leader for what the characters they need is definitely different. Further, the Professor Thomas may not like to involve with this complicated affairs as she is busy with her research. Therefore, the new job may not satisfy her.

Second, the arguer told us that the payment of Thomas should be raised to keep her staying. Without comparing to other professors' salary in the university, we cannot conclude that her payment is not enough. It is possible that her payment is the highest one in the school. Although she can bring money which exceed to her salary to school, it is not the reason that her salary should be promoted, because other professor who got lower paid may bring more money than she did. On condition that raising her salary is necessary, whether $10000 is suitable or not still needs more consideration.

Third, the arguer just told us Thomas' class is one of the largest classes among the university. How big the class is not means how many people take part in it. Perhaps there are 200 students signing up for her class, but only 50 always attend to it, in such condition, could we still say that her class is big? According to this, she is popular with the students may seem to be funny.

In conclusion, more details on Professor Thomas' ability are needed to strengthen the topic. What 's more, working for a university for more than ten years, it is not easy for a person to leave without valid reasons.

[ 本帖最后由 于飞 于 2006-2-6 17:37 编辑 ]

koryUID: 2123975

In this argument, the arguer claimed that professor Thomas should be paid more money and given a higher occupation in cases his（提干中给了her，是女性） willing for another college for higher salary. To support his view, the arguer pointed out that Thomas brought lots of fund for the research of school during the last two years. Further more, her class is one of the largest classes in the university. After careful scrutiny, however, no evidences show that Thomas is going to leave the university. Hence, (传说中ets软件比较认美式英语，所以，转折连词用hence机器可能检测不到)the logic of this argument has some flaws which(that) cannot contribute to the topic.

First, it is the new type of job. It's known to us that Thomas has been a professor of botany for seventeen years. What she is dealing with most everyday are plants, flowers and so on. Teaching and doing research is her main part of work. While the department chairperson is a leading person who has the ability to arrange the workload of every teacher in the office, harmonize the relationship between of workmates, and also face the difficulty it may occur. A good teacher may not be a good leader for what the characters they need is definitely different. Further, the Professor Thomas may not like to involve with this complicated affairs(affair上下文的单复数问题) as she-_-|||难道是后面发现了是she但是前头没改么 is busy with her research. Therefore, the new job may not satisfy her.

Second, the arguer told us that the payment of Thomas should be raised to keep her staying. Without comparing to other professors' salary in the university, we cannot conclude that her payment is not enough. It is possible that her payment is the highest one in the school. 个人认为添加already更好些Although she can bring money which(that) exceed to her salary to school, it is not the reason that her salary should be promoted, because other professor who got lower paid may bring more money than she did. On condition that raising her salary is necessary, whether $10000 is suitable or not still needs more consideration.

Third, the arguer just told us Thomas' class is one of the largest classes among the university单说大，没有表达清楚作者觉得大就是受欢迎的意思，imong说过滴话很有道理，不要让默认不写的话害文章论证不清，The arguer indicated that professor Thomas is poplar by suggesting that her class is the biggest one in the school这样写呢？. How big the class is not means how many people take part in it. Perhaps there are 200 students signing up for her class, but only 50 always attend to it, in such condition, could we still say that her class is big? According to this, she is popular with the students may seem to be funny.
是third的部分，摆放位置是否再考虑？popular和带来钱都是加薪给位置的原因，如果先说职位不适合，再说poplar和钱不一定少似乎没有调过来合适。因为如果原因不成立，那么也就可以说结果不成立了。要是一定放在这个位置，那么需要再加些过渡。
In conclusion, more details on Professor Thomas' ability are needed to strengthen the topic. What 's more, working for a university for more than ten years, it is not easy for a person to leave without valid reasons.难道是纯粹的限时版么，似乎结尾非常的仓促阿，在多写两句就好了。但是尾巴上的那个理由写的真得很好，很有人情味，很温柔，佩服一个。


总体来说，文章写的挺好，但是稍微欠缺过渡——这是大家都有的不好解决的问题啊…
argument的难点在于如何把n个错误原因有逻辑侧重的摆出来，这个我也解决的一团乱，觉得你的第一段第二段感觉就接的比第三段自然。

修改的时候，文字措辞不委婉，请见谅~~

paopaofynUID: 2124302

题目：
140The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

在Thomas教授作为植物学教授的17年里，她证明了自己确实是值50000元年薪的。她的班级是本校最大的班级之一，这说明她在学生中间的受欢迎度。而且，她给学校带来的研究捐助在过去两年中都超过了她的年薪。因此，鉴于Thomas教授已被证实的教学和研究能力，我们建议将她的年薪增加10000元，并提升为系主任；如果没有这些加薪和提升，我们担心Thomas教授将会离开Elm City大学到别的学校就职。


提纲：
1新的职务不一定适合Thomas.
2工资不一定高.
3班大不一定受欢迎.


In this argument, the arguer claimed that professor Thomas should be paid more money and given a higher occupation in cases his willing for another college for higher salary. To support his view, the arguer pointed out that Thomas brought lots of fund for the research of school during the last two years. Further more, her class is one of the largest classes in the university. After careful scrutiny, however, no evidencesevidence这个词没有复数形式 showshows Thomas is going to leave the university. Hence, the logic of this argument has some flaws which cannot contribute to the topic.

First, it is the new type of job. It's known to us that Thomas has been a professor of botany for seventeen years. What he is dealing with most everyday are plants, flowers and so on. Teaching and doing research is her main part of work. While the department chairperson is a leading person who has the ability to arrange the workload of every teacher in the office, harmonize the relationship between of workmates, and also face the difficulty it去掉it,改为difficulties是否会更好？ may occur. A good teacher may not be a good leader for what the characters they need is definitely different. Further, the Professor Thomas may not like to involve with this complicated affairs as she is busy with her research. Therefore, the new job may not satisfy her.

Second, the arguer told us that the payment of Thomas should be raised to keep her staying. Without comparing to other professors' salary in the university, we cannot conclude that her payment is not enough. It is possible that her payment is the highest one in the school. Although she can bring money which exceed to her salary to schoolwhich exceed to her salary 放到to school 之后, it is not the reason that her salary should be promoted, because other professor who got lower paid may bring more money than she did. On condition that raising her salary is necessary, whether $10000 is suitable or not still needs more consideration.

Third, the arguer just told us Thomas' class is one of the largest classes among the university. How big the class is not means how many people take part in it. Perhaps there are 200 students signing up for her class, but only 50 always attend to it, in such condition, could we still say that her class is big? According to this, she is popular with the students may seemseems to be funny.

In conclusion, more details on Professor Thomas' ability are needed to strengthen the topic. What 's more, working for a university for more than ten years, it is not easy for a person to leave without valid reasons.这句话可否放到第五段，作为让步的一个攻击点？也就是说，就算他是一个好教师，优秀的研究者，他也不太有可能离开该校
第一次写就写的这么好,不简单,加油!
和kory的建议一样，段与段之间的联系要加强
对了，我在我们练习帖的第四页一楼,欢迎光临J