issue5 BaXia小组--deelee221 欢迎拍拍。。。

deelee221UID: 2170883

5"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

The speaker prefers that the students in one nation are required to study the same courses until their entrance into the college, instead of studying different academic courses offered by authorities of different parts of the nation. I can not totally agree with him. The reasons are as follows:

For one thing, there are some advantages for the nation, schools, students even the parents. To the nation, it is easy to bring everything under control when every school offers the same courses, like politics. It makes for the balance among different regions. To the schools, they do not have to waste time, energy and money on adopting curriculum. Moreover, it is convenient for the teachers' communication and intercommunion between schools. And to the students, due to studying the same courses before college, they have fair chance to compete with others in the entrance examination to top-ranking universities and the intercourse among them will get along well. Finally, to the parents, when picking out an appropriate school for their children, they do not have to rack their brains to compare the diverse programs provided by schools. Because they are the same. Apparently, to some extent, it is feasible to provide same curriculum nationwide.

For another, the disadvantages are obvious if all of the students in one nation study the same curriculum without a second choice. Firstly, the set down of the list of the courses requires careful consideration. As we all know that education plays an important part in the development of a country. Secondly, monopolization of education by the government can be existed. Thirdly, we can not take everything into consideration, like the economic conditions, the average level of the students and qualified teachers when establishing the courses. What's worse, some minorities have their own religions, languages even characters. If not well handed down by generation, those precious legacies will be ruined in our hands. In the end, students before college are like the sponge eager for knowledge. If too much limitations and pressures from studies they are not interested in on them, it will do harm to them and to our nation.

In conclusion, we must maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages mentioned above. In that case, we enter a positive cycle which will renders us a prosperous future.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-2-7 18:40 编辑 ]

michelle1021UID: 195011

The speaker prefers that the students in one nation are required to study the same courses until their entrance into the college, instead of studying different academic courses offered by authorities of different parts of the nation. I can not totally agree with him. The reasons are as follows:

For one thing, there are some advantages for the nation, schools, students even the parents. To the nation, it is easy to bring everything under control when every school offers the same courses, like politics. It makes for the balance among different regions. To the schools, they do not have to waste time, energy and money on adopting curriculum. Moreover, it is convenient for the teachers' communication and intercommunion between schools. And to the students, due to studying the same courses before college, they have fair chance to compete with others in the entrance examination to top-ranking universities and the intercourse among them will get along well.我觉得考大学的机会是人人均有的，和他们之前学的什么没有太大关系 Finally, to the parents, when picking out an appropriate school for their children, they do not have to rack their brains to compare the diverse programs provided by schools.我觉得通常父母选择学校是看学校的名气和教学质量而不是根据课程的种类 Because they are the same. Apparently, to some extent, it is feasible to provide same curriculum nationwide.

For another, the disadvantages are obvious if all of the students in one nation study the same curriculum without a second choice. Firstly, the set down of the list of the courses requires careful consideration. As we all know that education plays an important part in the development of a country.这句话似乎不能很好的解释前面一句 Secondly, monopolization of education by the government can be existed. Thirdly, we can not take everything into consideration, like the economic conditions, the average level of the students and qualified teachers when establishing the courses. What's worse, some minorities have their own religions, languages even characters. If not well handed down by generation, those precious legacies will be ruined in our hands.这个理由很有道理 In the end, students before college are like the sponge eager for knowledge. If too much limitations and pressures from studies they are not interested in on them, it will do harm to them and to our nation.

In conclusion, we must maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages mentioned above. In that case, we enter a positive cycle which will renders us a prosperous future.
我觉得你的开头结尾段和中间两段的字数差距太大，可以适当调整一下

[ 本帖最后由 michelle1021 于 2006-2-7 18:28 编辑 ]

forevercocoUID: 149574

5"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

The speaker prefers that the students in one nation are required to study the same courses until their entrance into the college, instead of studying different academic courses offered by authorities of different parts of the nation. I can not totally agree with him. The reasons are as follows:

For one thing, there are some advantages for the nation, schools, students even the parents.[按照起承转合来说，第一段和B1应该是起承的关系，但是第一段最后陈述自己的观点是can not totally agree, 而B1的第一句是写advantages，似乎有些衔接不上。] To[For] the nation, it is easy to bring everything under control when every school offers the same courses, like politics. It makes for the balance among different regions. To[For] the[应该去掉the,因为是泛指] schools, they do not have to waste time, energy and money on adopting[这里用arranging或者formulating会比较好] curriculum. Moreover, it is convenient for the teachers' communication and intercommunion[两个词意思有点重复，communication and cooperation会好一些，交流与合作] between schools. And to the students, due to studying the same courses before college, they have fair chance to compete with others in the entrance examination to top-ranking universities and the intercourse among them will get along well. Finally, to the parents, when picking out an appropriate school for their children, they do not have to rack their brains to compare the diverse programs provided by schools. Because they are the same. Apparently, to some extent, it is feasible to provide same curriculum nationwide.

For another, the disadvantages are obvious if all of the students in one nation study the same curriculum without a second choice. Firstly, the set down of the list of the courses requires careful consideration. As we all know that education plays an important part[role] in the development of a country. Secondly, monopolization of education by the government can be existed. Thirdly, we can not take everything into consideration, like the economic conditions, the average level of the students and qualified teachers when establishing the courses. What's worse, some minorities have their own religions, languages even characters. If not well handed down by generation, those precious legacies will be ruined in our hands. In the end, students before college are like the sponge eager for knowledge. If too much limitations and pressures from studies they are not interested in on them, it will do harm to them and to our nation.[最后一句没看懂…if后面加上there’re?]

In conclusion, we must maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages mentioned above. In that case, we enter a positive cycle which will renders[render] us a prosperous future.

[细看之前scan了一下，用了2分多钟，想找一下ETS判分的感觉。整篇文章的条理很清楚。虽然没有提纲，但是论证就一正一反两大段，每段里的论据都是并列的，所以条理一目了然。但是我觉得应该挑一些insightful的观点展开一下，每个都说一两句看着有点像流水帐了。
可以看看ets范文里The media tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society这个题目的6分文章，是一篇未完成的作品，评论里面有一句：What matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.]

freud5027UID: 2165870

我从头到尾看了一遍，语法用词之细节，我就不谈了。
一句话，你竟然比我写得还简单……
还有就是好像还是没什么书面语的感觉。

黑崎猫猫UID: 209414

5"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

The speaker prefers that the students in one nation are required to study the same courses until their entrance into the college, instead of studying different academic courses offered by authorities of different parts of the nation. I can not totally agree with him. The reasons are as follows:（恩，这句话作开头不错，简洁）

For one thing, there are some advantages for the nation, schools, students even the parents（这句话不完整，读起来过于突兀，作为中心句略显单薄）. To the nation, it is easy to bring everything under control when every school offers the same courses, like politics. It makes for the balance among different regions. To the schools, they do not have to waste time, energy and money on adopting curriculum. Moreover, it is convenient for the teachers' communication and intercommunion between schools. And to the students, due to studying the same courses before college, they have fair chance to compete with others in the entrance examination to top-ranking universities and the intercourse among them will get along well. Finally, to the parents, when picking out an appropriate school for their children, they do not have to rack their brains to compare the diverse programs provided by schools. Because they are the same.(这句指代不明啊，而且貌似有些简单呢) Apparently, to some extent, it is feasible to provide same curriculum nationwide.（恩，照顾到各个角度，不过论证只是点到而止，有些不够细心呢）

For another, the disadvantages are obvious if all of the students in one nation study the same curriculum without a second choice. Firstly, the set down of the list of the courses requires careful consideration. As we all know that education plays an important part in the development of a country. Secondly, monopolization of education by the government can be existed（why?）. Thirdly, we can not take everything into consideration, like the economic conditions, the average level of the students and qualified teachers when establishing the courses. What's worse(可能用besides更书面), some minorities have their own religions, languages even characters. If not well handed down by generation, those precious legacies will be ruined in our hands. In the end, students before college are like the sponge eager for knowledge. If too much limitations and pressures from studies they are not interested in on them, it will do harm to them and to our nation.

In conclusion, we must maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages mentioned above. In that case, we enter a positive cycle which will renders us a prosperous future.

:L是有些简单了
用了两段论述了优势和劣势，说到了很多理由，但都是点到即止，从而不是那么有说服力，在论证的严谨和全面上就有所欠缺