issue7 Baxia第八次作业koala

michelle1021UID: 195011

1.摄影机给人们带来的视觉效果不同于手写的感觉。
2，虽然摄影机能真实的反映生活，但是手写的东西也有一定的优势
With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief role in daily life我觉得这中间可以加个逗号，我个人读这句话时感觉有些长 in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things may not be substituted, just like sometimes it is still probably necessary for us to record what had happened in the form of writing rather than documentdocumenting it through video camera.

There is little doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series shown in TV (我觉得这后面三个单词可以不要）for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say what happened to the role seems to happen to us. What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.   

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feeling of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and give us more different fromforms that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even用also好象适合一些吧 I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records.举了自己的真实感受当例子，还可以举一下他人的例子啊！

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.

我觉得写的不错啊，没有写偏题，我觉得要是再多举点例子就更好了

freud5027UID: 2165870

With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief role in daily life in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things may not be substituted, just like sometimes it is still probably necessary for us to record what had happened in the form of writing rather than document it through video camera.

There is little doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series shown in TV for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say what happened to the role seems to happen to us. <引人入胜的剧情，这似乎是TV series的特点而不是video camera的，我已经糊涂了>What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.   

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feeling of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and give us more different from that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records. <Diaries的确是written records的一个突破口，应该写它作为记录的一种形式所具有的特点，而不是Diaries单纯对你个人起了些什么作用，当然这可能是它特点的一方面……>

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.

你的issue是不是基本都4段，可以试着多分几层，有些东西一段表达不清楚。

lynenUID: 2168192

1,首先,在段落上分层明晰,让人一目了然.建议在最后总结的时候加入一些吸引读者,引导读者的比较有鲜明感的句子,比如采用反问的形式,让文章更具有力度感:)当然也可以开门见山的体现语气的层次感!
2,外国人与中国人的思维的最大不同点在于思维的发散度和开放度!因此建议采用一些更加新颖的类比模式,出"新"才是出众的前提!例如就这个话题而言,我们也可以将我们的思维发散到另一个角度:为什么在如此信息化的时代里电子产品却永远无法完全替代传统的书籍?!
此时我们就有了更广阔的思维空间,比如电视电脑看多了比看书更伤眼睛,又比如书本相对于冷冰冰的屏幕而言要亲切的多!
针对一个话题,谁能够想得独特谁能够出新,也许就是一个不小的优势了(因为真正语法上的差异大家都不大)
3,另外我觉得一篇好的文章最大的成功之处在于它能给读者留出一个回味的空间,也就是说给人留下印象.咱们中文所强调的思想性,是不是也可以运用到英文中,来替代干巴巴的陈述呢?!
谨提出以上建议!如有错误欢迎指正!!
                                                                              璇老公      敬上

天才之梦UID: 2159126

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
1.摄影机给人们带来的视觉效果不同于手写的感觉。
2，虽然摄影机能真实的反映生活，但是手写的东西也有一定的优势
With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief role in daily life in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things may not be substituted, just like sometimes it is still probably necessary for us to record what had happened in the form of writing rather than document it through video camera.

There is little doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series shown in[on] TV for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say what happened to the role seems to happen to us. What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal [换个词合适] circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While [However ] the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.   

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feeling of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and give us more different from that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records.

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.
[随然我写的也不怎么样，但是还是要给你多提点意见。你的例子和论点感觉不是很相符。以前是分论点跑题，现在分论点已经不跑了，有进步，但是还要在下一步上继续努力]

deelee221UID: 2170883

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
1.摄影机给人们带来的视觉效果不同于手写的感觉。不够具体
2，虽然摄影机能真实的反映生活，但是手写的东西也有一定的优势同上
With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief role in daily life in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things may not be substituted, just like sometimes it is still probably necessary for us to record what had happened in the delete form of writing rather than document it through video camera.

There is little no? doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series which are filmed by the video camera for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say, what happened to the role seems to happen to us. What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.  (真实感)

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feelings of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and give us more different from that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep keeping? diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. 是不是应该突出这个作用？ Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records. Moreover, books, another form of written records, on which we can make signs, give us a direct way of recollection which can help us learn to some degree.

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.

层次是不是要再多点？要好好讨论哈。。

黑崎猫猫UID: 209414

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
1.摄影机给人们带来的视觉效果不同于手写的感觉。
2，虽然摄影机能真实的反映生活，但是手写的东西也有一定的优势

With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief role in daily life in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things may not be substituted, just like sometimes it is still probably necessary for us to record what had happened in the form of writing rather than document it through video camera.

There is little doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series which are filmed by the video camera for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. (被感动和video camera 作为a form of documetation的作用，两者我认为关系不大，其更多的是一种记录和呈现的功能，难道我们能因为video令人感动而无视书在这方面的同样的，甚至更强大的作用吗？)It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say, what happened to the role seems to happen to us. What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.   （因为不太赞同这段的论点，所以就不评论别的了）

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feelings of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and give us more different from that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records.（也有用video写日记，同样是记录的方式，只是形式不同，所以前面这一段……） Moreover, books, another form of written records, on which we can make signs, give us a direct way of recollection which can help us learn to some degree.

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.

所以，总结一下，我觉得你没有抓住题目的关键，那讨论再多也是隔靴搔痒
另一方面，例子叙述性很多，论述得就相对少了，要注意
可能说得有点直，不过是我个人的看法，权作参考~~^ ^

forevercocoUID: 149574

我down下来改的怎么和这篇不一样了~~~重新改过去~~~:eek:

forevercocoUID: 149574

1.摄影机给人们带来的视觉效果不同于手写的感觉。
2，虽然摄影机能真实的反映生活，但是手写的东西也有一定的优势
With the rapid development of technology, advanced equipments and tools play an increasingly chief[important更好，chief和increasingly搭配不太合适] role in daily life in an invisible way. Yet, some traditional ways of doing things[doing things建议换乘life style,也就是生活方式的意思] may not be substituted, just like sometimes we still record what had happened in the form of writing rather than document it through video camera.
[首段没有表明自己的观点，即便是just like sometimes we still record what had happened in the form of writing rather than document it through video camera.这唯一一句和题目相关的，也没有明确的表明自己的观点是同意还是不同意。issue最重要的一条就是develop a position,并且，这个position应该是出现在文章最显要的位置的。如果想不到好的表达方式，就算用I agree / disagree…..也应该把position表明了，并且在下面的写作中时刻对照position和TS看看自己有没有跑题]

There is little doubt that the video camera can provide us a vivid and accurate series of pictures, which make us feel sooth. Take the TV series which are filmed by the video camera for instance, we may be involved in the roles of the show, when the actor cries, we may feel kind of sorrow, and then we may cry. It seems, undeniably, we are affected by the emotions of the actors, and more specifically, we cannot help putting ourselves in roles in the scene, that is to say, what happened to the role seems to happen to us. What's more, video cameras can show the live situation which is occurring. Like a piece of news which reports a flood goes in the TV, providing us the exact and timely pictures which express people's abysmal circumstances who are suffering from such disaster, touching us directly. While the written records cannot bring us such kind of feelings.  
[有一个问题就是，TV series算不算accurate and convincing record of contemporary life呢？洪水的例子比较合适一些]

Whereas, in some situation, the function of written record cannot be ignored. Though the video camera provides us apparently the feelings of trueness, it is possibly unlikely for us to cover the thoughts which are embraced in the heart, on the other hand, the written records can do and[do and去掉] give us more different from[forms] that coming from the video camera. Diaries can well illustrate this idea, and my experience is a case in point. When I was four years old, my father demanded me keep diary, which made me bored, and each day I just recorded what interested me and what disturbed me. Gradually, I formed the habit of keeping diary, and I was fond of recording events in great details. Later when I was at primary school, I found that my ability of writing was better than others, and even I could get high marks in composition. Not only my writing has improved, but also it left me a pleasant memory of my childhood. Even now, I may touch the feelings when I was at an early age from my precious diary. I really feel that I reap a great deal of benefits from the written records. Moreover, books, another form of written records, on which we can make signs, give us a direct way of recollection which can help us learn to some degree.
[我觉得关于books的这个倒是可以多写一点，如果写一些和video record的对比就更好了]

To sum up, both two ways of documentation have its own advantageous aspects. The video camera provides us the whole view of the exterior better, and the written record can provide us the interior world better. Only when we combine these two ways together properly, the life may be much more colorful.

[结尾段不错，可惜的就是关于exterior和interior的对比没有贯穿到全文中]

一个比较大的问题就是，文章的论据不能很好的支持论点，还是比较散，但是比改之前的那篇已经好多了，可以看看frued的那篇，例子把握的要好一些:victory:加油哇