Issue144 超时字又少,望有经验的XDJM介绍哈经验

wojiaoawenUID: 2188270

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Does the artist or the critic give society something of lasting value? Faced with this controversial issue, the speaker claims it is the artist, not the critic. I concede that the some of the critic help the society progress. Otherwise, in my view, it is the artist, just like the speaker says, who does the most significant work to give society something that could be lasted forever. In the following discussion, I would like to present several aspects to support my standpoint.

There are several reasons why I have almost the same opinion, one of which is that the artist is defined by us as the person who does the great effect to human beings. As the president of a famous Art college in my country once said in the beginning of term (and I paraphrase):" Do not tell others you are the artist, at least in the following for years. The artist, those who can be called artist by majority is the person who can give humans the idea that can be lasted after his/her death hundreds years." This illustrates the point that the society treat the artist as the person who contribute a lot to us. Consequently, it is the real fact that the artist gives society something of lasting value.

Besides, the further reason that must be taken into consideration is that most of the critic does little things to do but criticize, and in fact many of them have not enough knowledge about what they criticize. Further more, some critics even understand what they want to argue totally. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive: In the present age, there is many and many false argument about some famous person or his/her production. Understandably, the so called critic (actually, his/her title is the critic), making the argument, just want to be famous in the public.

While, on the other hand, if the society ignores those real critics who gives the sincere suggestion, it will bad for the progress of us. This assumption can be understood easily. After all, the argument they provide is the supplement of the idea made by the artist, and actually is the part of something that lasting value. Without them, the artist could not find their perspective's flaw, and what they give to society is not incomplete.

In sum, something of lasting value is always left by the artist, for their imagination could bring human the creative perspective. However, the society also could not erase all critics’ idea. It will be best to the society to adopt most of the artist's excellent opinion while consider about the critic who has the true attitude.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-3-7 10:21 编辑 ]

我爱StarBucksUID: 2194187

Does the artist or the critic give society something of lasting value? Faced with this controversial issue, the speaker claims it is the artist, not the critic. I concede that （the）去掉 some of the critics
（help the society progress.)可以改成boost the progress of the society Otherwise, in my view,你刚才都concede了怎么又otherwise,in my view,难道刚才不是你的view吗 it is the artist, just likeas the speaker says, who does the most significant work说的不地道，怎么改还没想好 to give society something that could （be lasted）last forever. In the following discussion, I would like to present several aspects这是一个很抽象的词，最好具体说什么的aspects， to support my standpoint.

There are several reasons why I have almost the same opinion和谁same？要说清楚, one of which is that the artist is defined by us as the person who does the greatest effect to human beings.这个定义有些含糊，我明白你的意思，但按照这个意思来讲有些牵强 （As）去掉，因为从头到尾只是一句话 the president of a famous Art college in my country once said in the beginning of term (and I paraphrase):" Do not tell others you are the artist, at least in the following （for）去掉 years. The artist, （those ）who can be called artist by majority is the person who can give humans the idea that can be lasted after his/her death hundreds years."这个话太绝对，别说是、你们院长说得就是艺术大师说得我都觉得不可信 This illustrates the point that the society treats the artist as the person who contributes a lot to us. Consequently, it is the real fact that the artist gives society something of lasting value.
首先，你得TS写的太过于模糊，我觉得TS一定要明确，让人知道你在说什么，你要证明的是什么，而你得TS说的太大，太泛；这就导致你在论正时我总觉得不够有说服力。而且你的开头和结尾说的是艺术家的贡献，而你举的例子是说真正的艺术家是死了以后的事，没有讲到贡献，所以你的论据和结论之间有鸿沟

Besides, the further reason that must be taken into consideration is that most of the critic does little （things） to do but to criticize, and in fact many of them have not enough knowledge about what they criticize. Further more, some critics even understand what they want to argue totally.什么意思？ To illustrate this,不用这么赤裸裸的表示你要证明你得论点了吧 there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive最好还是不要自己说有没有说服力: In the present age, there isare many and many不要这样说many and many false最好是用controversial arguments about some famous persons or his/hertheir productions. Understandably, the so called critic (actually, his/her title is the critic)so called已经说明问题了，不用再解释一下，而且你得解释感觉不地道, making the argument, just wants to be famous in the public.
怎么没有总结呢？感觉这一段没有说完。而且你这一段没有例子，你illustrate的不是例子是你自己的想法，给人感觉很空洞，没有说服力
While, on the other hand, if the society ignores those real critics who gives the sincere suggestions, it will bad不要用be bad这样的词，对...有害有好多“好”词可以用比如：jeoperdize,circumvent（这个词如果查字典的话也许找不到损害的意思，但GRE的一篇阅读中的确有句子用到这个词）都可以 for the progress of us. This assumption can be understood easily. After all, the argument they provide is the supplement of the idea made by the artist, and actually is the part of something that lasting value.没看懂 Without them, the artist could not find their perspective's flaw, and what they give to society is not incomplete.
还是没有例子，没有总结
In sum, something of lasting value is always left by the artist, for their imagination could bring tohuman the creative perspective.bring这个词可以说bring A to B或者bring to B A 当A很长的时候 However, the society also could not erase all critics’ ideas. It will be best to the society to adopt most of the artist's excellent opinion while consider about the critic who has the true attitude.
结尾应该总结全文所讲述的内容，而你得结尾中没有提到BODY2里面讲评论家的负面作用

你的文章还有很多地方需要改进的，语法上有其要注意主谓一致以及名次的单复数问题，另外过分的注重难句使得你的论述很不清楚。逻辑上，你的论证和论点总是有点距离，没有把问题说透，而且论证的套路还不清楚比如没有例子（虽然也不是说每一段都要有例子，但最起码不能每一段都没有吧），没有总结等等

wojiaoawenUID: 2188270

非常感谢你的点评!

我爱StarBucksUID: 2194187

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