ISSUE83 欢迎互拍

yogurt4UID: 198389

seat taken
上次那个childream,提纲写的比较简单,我叫她单独发个帖子,PM我去看,结果没有下文

childreamUID: 2134921

汗...米想到JJ记性这么好...脸红ing~
上次之后捏,校园网抽了好几天,一直上不了寄托,连个谢谢都米来得及说...
过了几天之后,想已经隔了这么久了,斑竹JJ应该已经忘了,就米发...
好吧,偶承认是偶懒.....JJ对不起哦~后天(啊应该是明天)考完了一定将功补过,把上次的提纲完完整整贴出来~
Redhobor,水了一下你的贴不好意思啊,先占个位,明天考完了来帮你改~

yogurt4UID: 198389

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."

1.自然保护区稀有和重要，因此应该认真保护。
2.野生保护区很脆弱，不能承受人类的大量活动。
3.即使偏远地区也应该保护，因为商业公司为了商业利益可能进行有害的开发。
4.政府在保护的同时，应该研究有效开发的方法，找到环境与适当利用的平衡。

With the society continuously developing and human being continually pursuing resources, the environment problems have been becoming more and more severe issues. One of the concerned disputes is whether Government should constrain people or organizations to access into preserve publicly owned wildness areas for the sake of keeping these regions natural state. As for me, I do support that the government should take such actions to protect these areas for avoiding excessively exploitation and devastation.

开头不错。

First of all, these wildness areas, which still maintain the unstained这个词用得不合适 conditions, are so important and scarce for our environment that they should be seriously conserved. Human being's excessively utilization and application has already destroyed most of wild districts around the world. We often watch news from television programs or newspapers about what plenty of natural forests has been disappeared because of human being ruining. While natural regions act a critical role to adjust living environments of mankind.这个句子怎么只写了一半？ Recently a variety of environmental problems are constantly appearing and one of reasons causing these disasters is that the exploitation of human being results in the breakage of natural areas so that the earth is devoid of its self-accommodation and self-recovery. 把这个句子分成几个句子写，太长了，还有语法问题。 It will eventually become the nightmare and fate of human being if we still have little consciousness about decrease of natural areas. Thus, the government should enact laws and commence regulations to save the wildness areas.

中间论述的地方有一点乱。Ts是，保持原始状态的wildness areas很少，对环境很重要，需要保护。论述的时候应该把土地对环境的重要性放在最前面写
然后转折，土地对地球自我调整的作用是如此重要，可是我们却在不停的破坏他们，导致一系列问题的存在，每天都在媒体上听说。。。，可以想象，如果政府不采取行动保护土地，我们又会如何。
你把重要性和土地少这两个问题倒过来说，缺乏很好的信号词连接，所以段内不是很连贯。

Secondly, the biological circumstance of wildness areas is too weak and fragile to endure a great amount of activities of people.感觉这个a great amount 是你自己强加上去的。换个表达。 The biological reserves within plants and animals living there have formed a balanceable and harmonious circle. The visiting of human being could break up this kind of serenity and impart unpredictable damages on these locations. For example, in the last century, people entered the range of Yellow River and their large-scale cultivation and plantation made the soil and the native forests derogated /deteriorated. At last most of Yellow River district become the debris or deserts and couldn't afford the requirements of human being. 洪涝灾害，影响生产生活，带来物资人命的损失，等等，写起来比can afford the requirements 更有力度。Therefore, the government ought to urges to permit few people to explore these wildness areas.

这一段环境weak and fragile的特点没有得到很好突出。

Last but not the least cliché ,换, although some wildness areas are extremely remote and seldom people ever advents, it is still necessary for the government to take up measures to protect them这个不是你全文的总立场么，这一段的ts在哪里？. On the one hand, mercantile companies and individuals have enough capabilities and power to arrive in any faraway places and may go on harmful activities in order to gain commercial interests. On the other hand, these remote areas lack effective methods and facilities to safeguard their crude surroundings.这一句的主语有问题。改一下可以写成，虽然有有识之士和环保工作者为野地的状况担忧，但是人单力薄没有足够的人力物力来确保土地的安全，仍旧需要政府的帮助。 The government has responsibilities to invest funding to construct efficient security mechanism.  

题目中说到even though的问题，ts应该承认有些土地的确远离人烟，同时强调这种情形同样需要来自政府的保护。每个分论点还是要稍微展开一下，比如，commercial interests 具体是什么interests?缺乏手段和设备，又是什么设备？第二点写完的时候，来个全段总结，和ts照应一下。

Admittedly, the ultimate objective for protecting wildness areas is to find out the approaches how to make use of them to obtain the maximal benefits. 很赞的观点~！Besidesbesides后面不可以加句子吧 government limits commercial development and illegal exploitation, at the same time the government should organize biologists, environmentalists, and other experts to discuss and investigate relevant problems, to set up a series of projects to research related science and technology, and finally to discover a routine which keep the compromise between natural ecosystem persisting and human being appropriately utilizing them.

还是那个问题，relevant problems,  related science and technology到底是什么？写了这么多字，要把生态价值这几个字点出来!!

In conclusion, it is necessary that government restricts exploitation on wildness areas even though some of them are undevelopedwildness areas都是undeveloped的吧，= =. This preservation of resources not only guarantees the healthy development of our contemporary society but also will benefit the next generation of human being in the long term造福后代的问题，你的body没有直接体现，而且结尾也没有很好的概括你的正文。.

结构和内容都还不错，除了b3后半段和b4有点打太极的嫌疑以外:P
语言总体上很清晰，有两点意见可以参考：
1，        对论点最有帮助的内容，最需要强调的表述，放在主句的内容，其他不太重要的东西统统放在从句里。比如你原来的一个句子：
Mercantile companies and individuals have enough capabilities and power to arrive in any faraway places and may go on harmful activities in order to gain commercial interests.
可以改成，
Although some wildness areas are extremely remote, their potential commercial interests may still turn these faraway places into the target of business men, who have a lot of money.
我的句子也写的比较蹩脚，就是想说明白一个意思，同一个意思，放在不同的文章里面，句子的长相不同。
2．没有把握的单字和搭配不要用，这个一定要注意。我把有问题的字眼挑了一些出来，标了颜色，你可以再斟酌下。大部分是不适合语境,结果放在句子里面不自然.


推荐一个帖子
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=




继续加油的说^^

childreamUID: 2134921

考完跑出去玩了两天,今天才爬上来改文,redhobor表介意啊~
还看到斑竹JJ巨详细的修改,差点没勇气改下去了.....
不过上次已经失信过一次这次真的不好再失信啦,于是硬着头皮来改了...

TOPIC: ISSUE83 - "Government should preserve publicly owned wilderness areas in their natural state, even though these areas are often extremely remote and thus accessible to only a few people."

1.自然保护区稀有和重要，因此应该认真保护。
2.野生保护区很脆弱，不能承受人类的大量活动。
3.即使偏远地区也应该保护，因为商业公司为了商业利益可能进行有害的开发。
4.政府在保护的同时，应该研究有效开发的方法，找到环境与适当利用的平衡。

With the society continuously developing and human being continually pursuing resources, the environment problems have been becoming more and more severe issues. One of the concerned disputes is whether Government should constrain people or organizations to access into preserve publicly owned wildness areas for the sake of keeping these regions natural state. As for me, I do support that the government should take such actions to protect these areas for avoiding excessively exploitation and devastation.

First of all, these wildness areas, which still maintain the unstained conditions, are so important and scarce for our environment that they should be seriously conserved. Human being's excessively utilization and application has destroyed most of wild districts around the world. We often watch news from television programs or newspapers about what plenty of natural forests has been disappeared because of human being ruining. While natural regions act a critical role to adjust living environments of mankind. Recently a variety of environmental problems are constantly appearing and one of reasons causing these disasters is that the exploitation of human being results in the breakage of natural areas so that the earth is devoid of its self-accommodation and self-recovery. It will eventually become the nightmare and fate of human being if we still have little consciousness about decrease of natural areas. Thus, the government should enact laws and commence regulations to save the wildness areas.[这段的论述跟TS不符，没有说清楚到底怎么稀有和重要]

Secondly, the biological circumstance of wildness areas is too weak and fragile to endure a great amount of activities of people. The biological reserves within plants and animals living there have formed a balanceable and harmonious circle. The visiting of human being could break up this kind of serenity and impart unpredictable damages on these locations. For example, in the last century, people entered the range of Yellow River and their large-scale cultivation and plantation made the soil and the native forests derogated /deteriorated. At last most of Yellow River district become the debris or deserts and couldn't afford the requirements of human being. Therefore, the government ought to urges to permit few people to explore these wildness areas.[这一段分析的比较清楚，但是最后一句话太绝对了,加个限定词会好点,不然就跟你最后的admittedly矛盾了]

Last but not the least, although some wildness areas are extremely remote and seldom people ever advents, it is still necessary for the government to take up measures to protect them. On the one hand, mercantile companies and individuals have enough capabilities and power to arrive in any faraway places and may go on harmful activities in order to gain commercial interests. On the other hand, these remote areas lack effective methods and facilities to safeguard their crude surroundings. The government has responsibilities to invest funding to construct efficient security mechanism.  [个人感觉从companies这个角度讲有点牵强，分析题目：政府应该保护wildness areas，即使这些地方人迹罕至，其实我觉得标题里已经默认了没有人为因素的存在，比如companies会去破坏啊什么的，既然如此我觉得就应该从另外一个角度来说，虽然人迹罕至，但是这些地方有着非常珍贵的价值，比如说有珍稀的物种啊或者一旦破坏了会影响整个地球环境啊，比如热带雨林的例子。而且我觉得从出题人的角度来说，人迹罕至但还应该保护应该是这篇文章的重点，不然ETS干嘛非加上这一句捏~所以这一段的分量明显太少，可以把前两段有些内容拿出来放在这里讲]

Admittedly, the ultimate objective for protecting wildness areas is to find out the approaches how to make use of them to obtain the maximal benefits. Besides government limits commercial development and illegal exploitation, at the same time the government should organize biologists, environmentalists, and other experts to discuss and investigate relevant problems, to set up a series of projects to research related science and technology, and finally to discover a routine which keep the compromise between natural ecosystem persisting and human being appropriately utilizing them.[这个观点很好啊，丰富了题目的内涵]

In conclusion, it is necessary that government restricts exploitation on wildness areas even though some of them are undeveloped. This preservation of resources not only guarantees the healthy development of our contemporary society but also will benefit the next generation of human being in the long term. [ 正文里MS没有讲到造福后代的问题吧……如果BODY4中的内容是说利用是为了要造福后代,那B4没有明确提到这一点,让人觉得思维跳跃的太厉害...]

对redhobor的语言就只有流口水的份了,偶不说啥了.....所以语言米有任何改动
全文的结构捏,也是非常清晰,但是偶总觉得重点放错了,不然ETS没必要多写后半句
以上.
上次的那篇提纲我正在翻以前的邮件,过会整理了贴出来.

childreamUID: 2134921

爬上来贴上次承诺的提纲,晚了这么多天也不奢望斑竹JJ的原谅了.....55....

ISSUE218:In order for any work of art -- whether film, literature, sculpture, or a song -- to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.

偶认为题目的前提是understandable,结论是have a merit,所以重点应放在"merit"上面,写没有被大众理解的艺术作品也有价值,价值有一二三……
Redhobor认为前提是have  a merit,结论是understandable,所以他的写法是有价值的艺术作品常常不能被大众理解,不能被理解的理由有一二三……

具体来说捏，Redhobor的提纲是这样的
观点：不认为衡量一件艺术是否有价值取决于它是否被大多数人所理解.
1，艺术品的价值不取决于人们对它的理解程度和能理解他的人数多少
2，艺术品的价值是独立存在的。从它诞生的那一刻起，他的价值就被决定了(只不过我们发觉或多或少)——我认为艺术是无价的
3，艺术品的价值同样存在于它感动（影响）我们的过程中.
P.S.上述COPY了Redhobor的作业提纲

偶的提纲是这样的：
观点：无论是否能被大多数人理解，艺术品都有价值。
1，艺术有大众艺术和非大众艺术之分
2，大众艺术易于被人们理解，这些艺术品当然有价值，其价值更多的体现在微观层面，举了一个通俗音乐能够舒缓个人情绪的例子
3，非大众艺术不容易被人们理解，但这些艺术品同样是有价值的，其价值更多的体现在宏观层面，比如丰富了人类文明史（其逻辑结构是这样的：这些艺术品表达了艺术家的内心感受—>而这些内心感受是独一无二的—>所以这些艺术品丰富了人类的文明史）
又P.S..偶本来的提纲不是完全按上面写的，但要表达的就是上面这个意思

不知道这个提纲是不是详细了？
P.S.又P.S. 考完了似乎更有情绪来整理自己以前的思路~~再为自己的失信跟斑竹JJ说声对不起~~~