issue154 同主题13期 寻互拍！

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

提纲：
1 教育应该多方面参与，专家，家庭，团体组织都是不能缺少的。
2 专家有专业的科学的教育体系，及教育经验，并且能客观评价学生管理学生。例子。
3 而家长和团体是专业的教育得补充。老师不能个化到每一个孩子，每一个孩子有他的特长和兴趣。
TOPIC：ISSUE 154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
WORDS：566         TIME：超时        DATE：2006-3-15

Education, as we all know is important for not only the younger generation but also our whole society because the youngests are the future of the world. Therefore， every individual should do their best to help with education besides the professional educators,because both  parents,communities and the teachers play roles in the educational process. What's more, as far as i am concerned, the professinal teachers play the leading role while the parents and communities do as supplements.

To begin with, all of the three including parents, communities and the educators are crucial and   essential during the educational process. Firstly, the educators are specialized in designing the scientific and professional education system, and arrange the corresponding faculties to exert the plans that the educator have made. The teachers who also can be called educators have been treated in the professional collages and universities and who pass on all their knowledge and skills of learning to their students with scientific method. Secondly,  parents who are the first teachers when their children are too young to go to school impact on children's personalities and views about lives, spirits. Thirdly, the communities such as the Hope Project give the chance to the children to take part in the social activities which can make them become more kindhearted. And most of the communities are the resources of the school’s financial support. For the reason of their function, education should contains all of them.

Further, however, the three important and essential part play different role in the process of education. As to professional educators, in my opinion, should be the leading role. On the one hand, the professional educators possess the irreplaceable ability. As an illustration, learning psychology is the compulsive subject for them to gain teaching skills which influence the quality of education. Without it the teaching process will be rather tough. On the other hand, the professional educators have advanced technology and machines such as the update information in the scientific field and the advanced machines in the labs, which may not be offered free for studying anywhere else. Considering its advantages, educators have the most impact on students.

As to parents and communities, they should be the supplement of the educators. For one thing, compared with the professional educators the parents may be more subjective. Imagine that whether a teacher would call for students’ attending additional class to be trained versatile? The answer is certainly “no” and it is their parents who will do so. Because of their absolute accounting on their children’s success in the future, some parents take themselves as educators to arrange their children’s plans and the result is somehow terrible. Every treatment and education should base on scientific and objective guidance, which is probably the shortcoming of the parents. For another thing, communities compared to the teachers may offer more chances for the students to take part in the social activities, yet they are also lack of scientific method if they do not apply to the teacher’s guidance. Therefore, this is why everyone should receive the school education, even though there are some cases that some children become outstanding thanks to their parents in that not all the parents are like the mother of Darwin.

In sum, with the comparison of the three we can assume that each of the three is essential and the educators should be the most important factor contributing to success education.

wenyuZUID: 2113611

把你的文章留下了哦.
明天把改后的给你贴回来.
也请你帮我看看我的哦
还记得我不呢?同是生物学子哦

我的链接:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

谢谢


Education, as we all know is important for not only the younger generation but also our whole society because the youngests是写错了吗?youngsters? are the future of the world. Therefore， every individual should do their best to help with education besides the professional educators,because both  parents,communities and the teachers play roles in the educational process. What's more, as far as i am concerned, the professinal teachers play the leading role while the parents and communities do as supplements. 开头几乎还没什么好说的,我自己也不太会写开头的,所以,也说不出点评价来……

To begin with, all of the three including parents, communities and the educators are crucial and   essential during the educational process. Firstly, the educators are specialized in designing the scientific and professional education system, and arrange the corresponding faculties to exert the plans that the educator用复数啦! have made. The teachers who also can be called educators have been treated in the professional collages and universities and who pass on all their knowledge and skills of learning to their students with scientific method. Secondly,  parents who are the first teachers when their children are too young to go to school impact on children's personalities and views about lives, and.不用逗号spirits. Thirdly, the communities such as the Hope Project give the chance to the children to take part in the social activities which can make them become more kindhearted这后半句有指代不明的嫌疑,意思也有点欠逻辑.become more kindhearted与本文的主旨有什么关系呢?. And most of the communities are the resources of the school’s financial support. For the reason of their 指代问题?感觉这里的their就只是指communities啦,最好再把三者都再提下?function, education should contains all of them.

Further, however, the three important and essential part复数啦 play different role in the process of education. As to professional educators, in my opinion, should be the leading role. On the one hand, the professional educators possess the irreplaceable ability. As an illustration, learning psychology is the compulsive subject问题:learning 是subject?或者去掉? for them to gain teaching skills which influence the quality of education. Without it the teaching process will be rather tough. On the other hand, the professional educators have advanced technology and machines such as the update information in the scientific field and the advanced machines in the labs, which may not be offered free for studying anywhere else. Considering its advantages, educators have the most impact on students对教育家的论述有点偏了哦.信息的及时和设备的先进只能说明学校这个机构的重要吧,教育家能做的只是专业地引导学生.我的意见仅供参考哈.

As to parents and communities, they should be the supplement of the educators. For one thing, compared with the professional educators the parents may be more subjective. Imagine that whether a teacher would call for students’ attending additional class to be trained versatile? The answer is certainly “no” and it is their parents who will do so. Because of their absolute accounting on their children’s success in the future, some parents take themselves as educators to arrange their children’s plans and the result is somehow terrible这段关于论述父母因为主观原因而不因地制宜.其实这样的材料很多的,论述起来的话,文字应该更优美的,注意收集些素材哦!感觉你写出来的有点生硬呢. Every treatment and education should base on scientific and objective guidance, which is probably the shortcoming of the parents. For another thing, communities compared to the teachers may offer more chances for the students to take part in the social activities, yet they are also lack of scientific method if they do not apply to the teacher’s guidance.可以在这个地方简短地加个比如… Therefore, this is why everyone should receive the school education, even though there are some cases that some children become outstanding thanks to their parents in that not all the parents are like the mother of Darwin最后这段话对全段的总结不好.这个段是又提了父母又提了社区的辅助作用的吧?可是为什么最后总结的时候就只有父母了呢,最好再带点关于communities方面的词汇吧..

In sum, with the comparison of the three we can assume that each of the three is essential and the educators should be the most important factor contributing to success education.结尾如此简单,给人一种匆促结尾的感觉,话道是很简洁,但感觉这么快刹车不太好.

总的来说,如果按你的思路去写文章的话,文章差不多写出来就这样的.只是文字,句式方面还可以再提高下的.感觉读起来变换的地方不够多,干瘪瘪的,论述的文字也有点中国英语的味道;
其实这篇文章的思路你应该可以提得更好的,我觉得还可以把有些问题想深点.多参考下别人的看法什么的,多到网上去浏览,对思路的生成是有不小帮助的.
总之,加油~

[ 本帖最后由 wenyuZ 于 2006-3-17 02:04 编辑 ]

takeYYawayUID: 2126646

我来了!呵呵
我觉得你第二段说的不是很清晰,可以不要说三个方面而可以着重说
一个方面.因为在一段里面不可能把每个都说的很充分.HOPE PROJECT
你并没有说明是什么样的工程,改卷子的人可能不知道把:),可能会降低
可信度?
总的来说写的可以的了,好长!论述也比较充分.可以增加一些例子而不是全部
说理哦.
我的文章,谢谢大家趣拍拍
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

嗯 楼上的同志，我看你的文章了，写得不错！

ciceUID: 2140424

Education, as we all know is important for not only the younger generation but also our whole society because the youngsters are the future of the world. Therefore, every individual should do their best to help with education besides the professional educators, because both parents, communities and the teachers play roles in the educational process. What's more, as far as I am concerned, the professional teachers play the leading role while the parents and communities do(serve) as supplements.

To begin with, all of the three including parents, communities and the educators are crucial and   essential during the educational process. Firstly, the educators are specialized(specializes)in designing the scientific and professional education system, and arrange the corresponding faculties to exert(implement) the plans that the educator have made. The teachers who also can be called educators have been treated in the professional collages(colleges) and universities and who pass on all their knowledge and skills of learning to their students with scientific methods. Secondly, parents who are the first teachers when their children are too young to go to school impact on children's personalities and views about lives, spirits. Thirdly, the communities such as the Hope Project give the chance to the children to take part in the social activities which can make them become more kindhearted. And most of the communities are the resources of the school’s financial support. For the reason of their function, education should contains(contain) all of them.

Further, however, the three important and essential part(parts) play different role(roles) in the process of education. As to professional educators, in my opinion, should be the leading role. On the one hand, the professional educators possess the irreplaceable ability. As an illustration, learning psychology is the compulsive subject for them to gain teaching skills which influence the quality of education. Without it the teaching process will be rather tough. On the other hand, the professional educators have advanced technology and machines such as the update(updated) information in the scientific field and the advanced machines in the labs, which may not be offered free for studying anywhere else. Considering itsthese advantages, educators have the most (important) impact on students.

As to parents and communities, they should be the supplement of the educators. For one thing, compared with the professional educators the parents may be more subjective. Imagine that whether a teacher would call for students’ attending additional class to be trained versatile? The answer is certainly “no” and it is their parents who will do so. Because of their absolute accounting on their children’s success in the future, some parents take themselves as educators to arrange their children’s plans and the result is somehow terrible. Every treatment and education should base(be based) on scientific and objective guidance, which is probably the shortcoming of the parents. For another thing, communities compared to the teachers may offer more chances for the students to take part in the social activities, yet they are also lack of scientific method if they do not apply to the teacher’s guidance. Therefore, this is why everyone should receive the school education, even though there are some cases that some children become outstanding thanks to their parents in that not all the parents are like the mother of Darwin.

In sum, with the comparison of the three we can assume that each of the three is essential and the educators should be the most important factor contributing to success(successful) education.

(论述的很全面，语言也挺好。就是很多地方都不需要加the，比如educators，parents。)