5T互助小组 第六组 专用贴

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

原帖由 gpctext 于 2006-4-9 12:13 发表

关于作文，因为是互助组的缘故，有规定斑竹是不可以改作文的，所以建议你发到互改帖子里面和大家进行互改

好的马上看。　！

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

帮忙改作文——第一次写……ｂｙ　QuincySM

023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and
It is a considerable fact that some teenagers take part in part-time jobs while they are still at school. Some people think it may help the children to know about the real society and understand the hardness of working, others argue that the reverse is true. Both arguments have their reasons. However, I side with the opinion that allowing teenagers to go for work is more harmful than helpful.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA        V7n#ebk
As I have concerned, the advocators of teenagers’ taking jobs say that it leads them to the society. I must say that children should have a happy childhood. A child is a child; he should be innocent and naive as a teenager. In fact, even a college student does a job only when necessary. We can imagine the horrible scene: A boy is selling food or newspaper in the morning, while his friends who are at the same age as his are still in bed. The overwhelming stress, to make matters worse, may even cause psychological diseases, making them regret having done so for their whole life.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA!uD6i E
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To be frank, in my country, China, the employment of teenager is clearly forbidden by law. Teenagers have their rights of going to primary school, which is preserved by law also. In remote countryside, the families are often too poor to afford their children to go to school. Once some bosses, however, attracted the children with money and almost employed their whole families. Not until they were sentenced to prison life did they realize that making teenagers work was not only unreasonable, but also harm to society.
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UH5w*R|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREThe most important reason is that teenagers cannot do work well mostly. The little children are often without pre-work training, so they are not skilled workers, nor do they have more strength or experience. The aim of doing business is to make profits. Though children are paid little, the quality and quantity of their product is doubtful, the companies or factories will most probably end up with failure.
H ~M1]#^3[I would recommend that teenagers should stay at school or home, and get away from work, even part-time job. Working is an essential part of everyone’s life to benefit others and the society, but putting it forward will only limit the students’ study time and eventually slower the development



建议：
１／段落连接不够分明。
２／你的ｓｕｐｐｏｒｔｉｎｇ　ｅｘａｍｐｌｅｓ　实际上不应该单独一段，如果单独一段就要在开头明确这段的中心，　三段要对称，而且我觉得你的例子和上面的段落是从属关系，　不应该单独出来。　
３／还有要注意个别词汇的用法，　修饰词语不能随便使用。　要注意搭配。

QuincySMUID：2162088

谢谢

xiaobian731UID：2140176

呵呵,猫猫斑竹lyhcynthia好负责呀~~
我从第一页一直看到现在，这是我最直接的感觉哈
赞～～

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

原帖由 xiaobian731 于 2006-4-9 13:00 发表
呵呵,猫猫斑竹lyhcynthia好负责呀~~
我从第一页一直看到现在，这是我最直接的感觉哈
赞～～

欢迎大家ｂｒａｉｎｓｔｏｒｍｉｎｇ！！１:lol

QuincySMUID：2162088

原帖由 lyhcynthia 于 2006-4-9 12:32 发表
建议：
１／段落连接不够分明。
２／你的ｓｕｐｐｏｒｔｉｎｇ　ｅｘａｍｐｌｅｓ　实际上不应该单独一段，如果单独一段就要在开头明确这段的中心，　三段要对称，而且我觉得你的例子和上面的段落是从属关系，　不应该单独出来。　
３／还有要注意个别词汇的用法，　修饰词语不能随便使用。　要注意搭配。

1/第一条细讲讲……
2/我实际是要写3个的，可是经常就会出现这种：要么一段都去说理了，要么就是一段在讲故事。我看到有的范文例子不过就说了一句而已……Confused了……怎样处理论说和例子？

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

原帖由 QuincySM 于 2006-4-9 13:07 发表


1/第一条细讲讲……
2/我实际是要写3个的，可是经常就会出现这种：要么一段都去说理了，要么就是一段在讲故事。我看到有的范文例子不过就说了一句而已……Confused了……怎样处理论说和例子？

１／你要运用过渡　句。
２／要有很好的举例子地联结词。

philixcasterliuUID：2182659

现在还来得及参加吗？我是要考5t的高中生 需要大家帮助阿~谢谢牛人们~~还有lz

philixcasterliuUID：2182659

Please help me evaluate my essay and revise it. I am gonna take 5T in several months…please do me a favor and I really thank you all very much!


topic: Many students have to live with roommates while going to school or university. What are some of the important qualities of a good roommate? Use specific reasons and examples to explain why these qualities are important

Dormitory, which means the place that some college students live in when they stay at school , plays an important part of school life .In a way ,the qualities of one’s roommate seem to be crucial to a student. For my part, I would like to outline some of the good features in the following parts.

The most important character of all is the honesty of one’s roommate. Only one trust the other can they share the same room, same tools and the same key, which is most likely to lead one be afraid of . Once one can find a reliable roommate, undoubtly it is a good one that is qualified one’s basic recognition.

A good roommate should have an organized life schedule and neat dormitory. Living with such roommate with numbers of bad habits, one may get frenzy and fury with his roommate. For instance, in my dormitory in senior high school, my roommate, who always get up, before 4:00 in the morning with his so-called “regular schedule”, made me disorganized with my biologic clock and deteriorate my efficiency in study at day time. It is true to say that having an organized and neat roommate will let you feel comfortable in your school life.

Furthermore, generosity is necessarily needed. Far from your parents, while facing difficulties, one’s roommate might be the best helper to him. Once one get sick, his roommate could take care of him;once one feel unconfident in making success, his roommate could spur him; As far as I am concerned, living with that kind of roommate will make one’s life much smoother.

To conclude, honesty, typically speaking, organized and neat life and generosity are the main qualities of a good roommate. To some extent, before setting off for college life selecting an appropriate is a care-need step.

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

原帖由 philixcasterliu 于 2006-4-9 13:23 发表
现在还来得及参加吗？我是要考5t的高中生 需要大家帮助阿~谢谢牛人们~~还有lz

可以的。我们很愿意帮助你，　你可不可以从开始这个帖子看下来，如果有具体的问题再提出来？

tingting_tUID：2124800

我也来串个门~~
这里好热闹的说~

whereismyfutureUID：2127971

Is it possible to add one more person to your group?
i'm 100% serious.

philixcasterliuUID：2182659

o~听力感觉好多mp3资料 音质都很差 大家都这样吗？那怎么办呢？~~怎么才能让语法从错4个左右到不错呢？~~~~阅读经常出一些理解性的问题 单词题还行~主要把红宝书背完的缘故~~作文是很愁人的 没大有时间写 另外没有人能面授技艺 ~还有很多背过的高级词 当写作文的时候都用不到了 郁闷。。。

lyhcynthiaUID：2178647

原帖由 tingting_t 于 2006-4-9 13:39 发表
我也来串个门~~



这里好热闹的说~

welcome!!!:)