topic 166 请大家多多指教

susan8940UID: 160449

Groups and organizations exist everywhere in the world. Each and every of us(直接everyone 把) is more or less associated with groups or organizations, from one’s own family to the United Nations. Groups and organizations are essential to people. They make people more powerful, intelligent, and well-cooperating.

First of all, groups and organizations offer people the opportunity to help with(可以删去with) each other, and thus（这里and 可以删去吗？） make them stronger. Everyone knows that（也可as we all know,） breaking three sticks together is much harder than breaking them one by one. Similarly, a group of people make them selves more powerful as a whole, even though they remain pretty weak separately. They are supported by each other, and fight against enemies together. Once they are united, they are no longer afraid of tigers, pumas, or lions. Once they are united, they are no longer afraid of drought, flood, and hurricane. Once they are united, they are no longer afraid of evils

Secondly, groups and organizations act as a platform for people to communicate with each other, and therefore enable them to become more intelligent. There goes an old saying, “At least one of every three people can be my teacher.” One gets knowledge and information from others and become wiser(也可One becomes wiser by getting knowledge and information from others). Groups and organizations manage to bring a number of people together, and provide them countless chances to communicate（可以换个词比如exchange ideas and disscuss） with each other. Organizations of academics(可以用academic organization吗？) have thrived numerous brunches of science, such as astronomy, meteorology, mathematics, biology, and so on(这句话跟分论点有什么关系？).      

Furthermore, groups and organizations teach people to cooperate better. When realizing the importance and consequent profit of being united, people will not return to lonely lives, for sure. As a result of being stronger and wiser, they can better understand the importance of cooperation（也可teamwork）, and search for better ways to cooperate with each other. A better cooperation will then feed back on these people, that is, make them more and more powerful and intelligent.

In a word, groups and organizations are extremely important to people. They cause people to become stronger and clever, and eventually make our human civilization flourish.
愚见！:)
结构很不错啊，语言流畅。就是一些词可以换成近义词，避免重复。
我修改过的文章，帮看看阿
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 susan8940 于 2006-4-20 13:47 编辑 ]

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢大家的意见，如果可以的话，我今后尽量少用谚语，的确，ETS最喜欢的还是生动具体形象的论述
另外谢谢susan8940的纠正，用词的variety一直是我比较头痛的。。

夜一UID: 2130338

继续交作业，topic1的全文

Topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As human society develops, attending college or university becomes more and more important. It is admired by common residents, insisted by parents, and needed by students themselves. As I see, people go to college or university not only for an ideal place of knowledge obtaining and career preparing, but also for a splendid period of time to fight for anything they love.

Generally, people attend college or university to learn more knowledge, and therefore prepare for their future careers. Colleges and universities contain various sources of knowledge, such as skilled teachers, well-developed libraries, and helpful workmates. One attends wonderful lectures offered by professors, borrows all kinds of books from libraries, and gains information from roommates, classmates, and any other friends. One finds knowledge of various careers, no matter mathematics, physics, history, or languages. One learns a great deal of knowledge, as well as how to obtain knowledge, and how to cooperate with others. All of these make up a perfect career preparation.

Besides, college (or university) is a deep ocean for students to discover their interests and devote themselves to those interests seeming useless in future careers. A student writes novels, forgetting rests and meals, even though he understands clearly that he will become an engineer rather than a writer. A student plays baseball, exposing to burning sun in summer and freezing wind in winter, even if she always remember that she will become a lawyer rather than an athlete. Knowledge is everywhere, yet such strange events only take place at college or university. Strange atmosphere in college or university offers students time, space, and determination to experience this kind of strange things, without any apparent profits or rewards, seeming unwisely and crazily. However, these experiences, full of sweat and hardness, together with friends and one’s own heart, will become one’s most valuable gift given by Gods, which emits courage and confidence, reflects happiness and success, and backs oneself up for the rest of one’s life.

People attend college or university not only for a swimming poor of knowledge or a rich island of careers preparation, but for a wonderful ocean to fight for anything they enjoy, which makes the rest of their lives more powerful and beautiful than usual.

ben26102UID: 2184045

We notice many differences between children and adults. Children are always small, weak, and thus need to depend on adults. Adults are usually big, strong, and thus support themselves and others, especially the children. With one’s （one's觉得可以不要）age increasing, a child will become an adult, from a person supported by others to the one supporting others. Countless events occur during that progress, and some of them make a person an adult most significantly, as I see.

First, leaving one’s own parents and beginning to arrange one’s own daily life make a person live like an adult. While parents get everything done, children, on the contrary, are always carefree. They need not to（觉得用need not to 怪怪的 is not necessary 好点不过和后面有些重复 后面就改称essential吧 个人意见） know how to prepare dinner, how to wash clothes, or how to divide their time into parts of studying, playing, and resting. However, when one leaves his parents, it is necessary for him to learn cooking, cleaning, and working out his own time schedule. He should care about himself, get along with others, and solve various kinds of problems with（by 或者through 好点 通过 ？） his own ability rather than his parents’. He is much less dependent on his parents than he used to, and begins to deal with many of his personal affairs like an adult.

Then earning one’s own life makes a person generally an adult. A student is still supported by his parents financially. When one gains his own incoming, he can support himself and others, instead of being supported. From that time on, one is not a child any more.

And finally, becoming one of the parents makes a person an accomplished adult. A well-known old saying is “children are always children in front of their parents”.（两个连接的逻辑怪怪的 前面说孩子永远是孩子 后面说孩子成为父母以后？） Only when one begins to have his own children, can he really understand the various aspects of an adult, including feelings, qualities, and responsibilities. One will experience preparing dinner and washing clothes for his children, telling them when to play and how to study, and looking at them with unspeakable feelings when they are about to leave.

Children depend on adults. （觉得少个连词）Living away from parents makes one almost independent in his daily life. Earning for oneself makes one independent financially, and thus get rid of the characteristics of a child. Becoming one of the parents eventually makes one an adult. These are the most important events that make a person an adult.

觉得楼主超级喜欢用doing 从句做主语 不过好像太多了点，适当用用to do 啦，其他从句感觉会更好点

个人意见，仅供参考
我的文章，欢迎互拍
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=449905&extra=page%3D1

夜一UID: 2130338

嗯，前些日子也被人批评过了，谚语什么的今后能不用尽量不用了