TOPIC5&TOPIC166(重写),求改~~大家改后留下琏接

xizzhuUID: 2195156

suggestions:

1.  The meaning of"expriences" in this topic is something that happens to you or something you do, especially when this has an effect on what you feel or think  :  经历

2. your paragraph 4:   very important -------> the most important.
in this way, readers can feel your essay is following "重要性走向,弱------>强"

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-16 15:56 编辑 ]

powerpycUID: 2180236

i see.living in the country really makes a difference

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

还可以吧 语言方面要加强,尝试加入些高级词汇和闪光句型.
内容和结构方面没有什么大问题.只是B3说婚姻make a person an adult.其实也说的通啦 只是自己觉得有点怪怪的，毕竟结婚的人已经是adult了嘛.ANYWAY, GOOD JOB, KEEP WORKING ~~~