TOPIC5&TOPIC166(重写),求改~~大家改后留下琏接

powerpycUID: 2180236

TOPIC166,已经重写,在第2页

[ 本帖最后由 powerpyc 于 2006-4-16 14:09 编辑 ]

powerpycUID: 2180236

大家要是愿意的话,留下连接,我也会去看看的

powerpycUID: 2180236

5. A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.


When faced with the decision of whether to support or oppose the factory which might be built near one's community,some one may oppose it for several reasons.As far as I am concerned,the building of the new factory is beneficial for 3 major reasons.

First of all,the new factory will provide many jobs for the local people.Thus,it will solve many social problems and may attact more and more people who can contribute to the city's prosperity to come.There is no doubt that it will improve the city's prosperity as we know that many big cities in the world developed from small ones in this way.

What is more,the new factory may bring in a lot of finacial profit.This is so important that it may have great influnce on the development of the city in many aspects.With its contribution,the goverment could promote the social services.This means the local people can enjoy daily life much more and have a better living condition.

Last but not least,the new factory will attract a lot of investment to the city.Therefore,shopping centers,hospitles and others that could make daily life more convenient will be established at the same time.In the same way,it will also offer local people many opportunities to know more and obtain the newest affairs in the world.

Although there are many advantages of building the factory,someone may still argue that the factory will bring problems such as pollution and noise.However,these problems can be solved and they will not prevent us from gaining so many advantages of building the new factory.In a word,i support the idea of building the new factory.


第一篇,也是50多MIN,咋个没人帮忙改捏??痛苦

powerpycUID: 2180236

没人帮偶看作文么?55

xizzhuUID: 2195156

原帖由 powerpyc 于 2006-4-16 11:34 发表
topic 166
People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer   

不得不说 my opinion, that is,  i do feel that you didn't respond to this topic, why?
let's take a look this topic again:

People recognize a difference between children and adults.--这已经是一事实或前提.

What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult (Make a person an adult 是被要求Response的?

this topic is kind of "argument".  In this essay, you will be presented with a hypothetical situation.  You will have to determine what needs to be done, make a choice, and support your hypothesis.

in the essay you wrote, i feel that you are trying to tell us the difference between an adult and a child.   but this topic does not ask "difference' and it does ask "what   events make  a child an adult"

[ 本帖最后由 xizzhu 于 2006-4-16 13:07 编辑 ]

rachelliUID: 2153113

muturation--maturation
不知道(or she)改不改用---应该可以我也是这么用的！
that of an the same time－－－是不是应该去掉an ?
Last but not least---偶应该学习的地方！（盗版呵呵）
最后呢就是拼写＆文章开头要空格！
以上是偶的一点拙见，希望大家再指正！
以下是偶的文章,请帮忙拍一下！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

powerpycUID: 2180236

又只有sigh了,第2次了

夜一UID: 2130338

re xizzhu

In a word,an adult is more independent,mature and self-responsible than a child and these abilities are indispensable for anyone who wants to step in the society.

这样的总结确实是有点。。。偶还没有看内容，只看了这句话已经相信本文跑题了
真得觉得这篇文章好难啊，偶昨天写完也是，双腿麻木，头脑里有无数的轰炸机在盘旋

powerpycUID: 2180236

上次写的一篇也是被老美说成没按题目要求写,sigh

4312UID: 2172206

1.which i will to explain in（能不能用as呀） the following.
2.First of all,independance.（能这样写吗）
3..Thus,when faced（应该是facing吧） with a problem,one will try whatever he(or she)can tosolve it without the older's help
4. which will be useful in the long run.（in the long run 这是习语,还是你想出来的？）
5.Last but not（是不是应该加the呢） least,忘了,问一下大家

powerpycUID: 2180236

5不用加,4是习语,1好象不行,

powerpycUID: 2180236

topic 166
People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer    (出现年分0510)

There are many physical and mental differences between adults and children.What causes this difference especially the mental differences?In my opinion,there are 3 major events or experiences which I will explain in the following.

First of all,leaving one's parents makes a person more independent.As is known to all,when a child is with his(or her) parents,parents will always tell the child what to do and how to do it.But when a person is all alone,one will have to learn to judge things,make decisions and deal with things with one's own efforts.For instance,when I left my parents to live alone in school,I learned washing clothes and cleaning the room which used to be done by my parents when I was at home.Doing all these things is necessary for me to live alone and is a sign that shows the independence.

Second,college graduation is also a sign that not only shows one's independence but also shows one's maturation.Before graduation,one depended on parents both mentally(..) and finacially.While after it,one will find a job and try to support for oneself or even for one's parents.Thus,the graduation makes a person a ture adult.

Last but not least,marriage is also very important for a person to be an adult.Once married,one will take care of others and take the responsibility for the family.When becoming a father or mother,he or she will also take care of the child.

There is no doubt that many other events and experiences have great influence on a person,but as far as I am concerned,leaving one's parents,graduation and marriage are the most significant factors which make a person an adult.

powerpycUID: 2180236

感觉字数还是有问题,少了点,第2段多了点,汗

夜一UID: 2130338

还是有点问题
第三段开头
Second,college graduation is also a sign that not only shows one's independence but also shows one's maturation
不要用sign和show，一定要用make同意的词语，比如enable之类的

powerpycUID: 2180236

oh,see,不过没偏题了吧-_-'看来语文学差了还真的不行吖