欢迎拍砖！我的5T同主体写作第五六七期+topics 103, 142(分别在第11，12，25，61楼)

潇湘玉UID: 2163859

103和142我还没思考过，我写写提纲再帮楼主看看吧。

lanccyUID: 2156906

谢谢潇湘玉！给我很大信心呢

toeflperfectUID: 2207551

比喻是范文里用过的,俗!

潇湘玉UID: 2163859

呵呵，看了看你的topic142，又向lz学了点呢，楼主的开头结尾和过渡就是比我自然。
小小的提了点意见。
不过如果我写这篇作文，我会只选一个礼物集中说原因，那样可能论述理由更充分一点。呵呵，lz是我学习的好榜样啊！常常互改吧，还有12天，加油！

Children are so flexible that sometimes only a small gift can shape their view of the world.（有一点点说得太大了） Since the gift can contribute to a child’s development, one should be extremely careful in choosing gifts for a child. As far as I am concerned, what present should be given to children for their development is dependent on their distinct characteristic and gender. （lz又给了我一个很不错的开头）

To begin with, if the child is relatively pessimistic, I would consider sending him/her a camera as a present. Why do I make this choice? （会不会太口语化了呢？）Because a camera helps open the child’s eye (eyes,是不是broaden one’s sight 更好) to the world, divert his/her attention to the brighter side of the society. With the camera shooting the dulcet scenery, the child can appreciate the beauty of nature and the affection among people, which gradually changes his/her attitude towards others to become optimistic.

On other conditions, say, (还是很口语化) if the boy who is going to receive my gift is a little shy, I think a soccer ball would suit him best. Soccer play is an activity requiring team work. To participate in the game, one should fuse into the team first, getting to know each other, and exchanging ideas with one another so as to cooperate well in the competition. The property of soccer urges the boy to act bravely, for example, expressing（有没有更好的词呢？我也没想到，只是觉得express oneself 在此处有待斟酌）himself in front of a large number of people. In this way, a soccer ball is apt to shape the shy boy into a more courageous one.

For another instance, for (if，连用两个for) a cruel girl, I believe a kitty is the best present for her. A kitty cute enough is competent to thaw the icebound heart of the girl. The soft fur, the gentle meow and the agility body are all capable to arouse the girl’s affection and compassion, making her more amicably when treating others.

Based on the reasons discussed above, we can safely （why？）come to the conclusion that in order to maximize the impact a gift can exert on a child’s development, we should cautiously choose the gift according to his /her characteristic and gender.（结尾照应得很好）

olive8310UID: 2164907

In order to live in harmony  live in harmony?我们都不是为harmony而live的吧?comfortable或者你后面用的cozy(前后照应不错哦)都可以
having good neighbors has  s 后面have..
criteria 这个我查了下  有个说not yet acceptable in that use..因为看不懂 才去查的..standard蛮好 为什么用得那么生..

he/she是不是用得太多了 用复数的话读起来顺一点

relation 换成relative好点吧?我记得我中学的时候是学的这个表示亲戚...

归来的虎子UID: 181060

142
Children are so flexible that sometimes only a small gift can shape their views of the world. Since the gift can contribute to a child’s development, one should be extremely careful in choosing gifts for a child. As far as I am concerned, what present should be given to children for their development is dependent on their distinct characteristic and gender.强啊，一般列举题我都不敢用分类讨论的:handshake


To begin with, if the child is relatively pessimistic, I would consider sending him/her a camera as a present. Why do I make this choice? Because a camera helps open the child’s eye to the world, divert his/her attention to the brighter side of the society. With the camera shooting the dulcet scenery, the child can appreciate the beauty of nature and the affection affection多指爱慕之情，用在这里好不好呢？among people, which gradually changes his/her attitude towards others to become optimistic.

On other conditions, say个人感觉有点口语化..., if the boy who is going to receive my gift is a little shy, I think a soccer ball would suit him best. Soccer playsoccer playing is an activity requiring team work. To participate in the game, one should fusemerge会不会更好点? into the team first, getting to know each other, exchanging ideas with one another, so as to cooperate well in the competition. Thethese逻辑更好点 property of soccer urges the boy to act bravely, expressing himself in front of a large number of people. In this way, a soccer ball is apt to shape the shy boy into a more courageous one.

For another instance, for a cruel girl, I believe a kitty is the best present for her. A kitty cute enough is competent to thaw the icebound heart of the girl:handshake. The soft fur, the gentle meow and the agility body are all capable to arouse the girl’s affection and compassion, making her more amicablyamicable when treating others. With the company of the kitty, I am sure that the girl will become a docile lady as pretty as it is.

Based on the reasons discussed above, we can safely come to the conclusion that in order to maximize the impact a gift can exert on a child’s development, we should cautiously choose the gift according to his /her characteristic and gender.

楼主很强啊，learning from you

103
A person’s characteristic is a vital element in determining one’s success in his/her life. When askedasking about my opinion, I will positively give the first priority to honesty as the most important characteristic for one to be successful. My choice is based on the following reasons.


First and foremost, an honest man can easily earn the credit form his boss, and thus wins a better chance of promotion. Being a supervisor of an enterprise, the boss cannot manage everything himself. What he need is a trustfutrustworthy?l employee who he can authorize full power to take charge of a certain department. Therefore, if one is ambitious to pursue a higher position, honesty is a crucial characteristic that he can take advantage of to catch the eyeballs of his boss.

Besides getting the faith of one’s boss, an honest man can also win the belieftrust of his colleagues so as to get along with them more comfortably. No one likes to work in a place filled with hostile atmosphere, encountering other’s cold eyes, bearing other’s aspersion. To avoid this embarrassing situation, one should act as honest as possible, to eliminate the suspicion holding by his colleagues towards him. Only in this way, can one make possible the close cooperation with others in the work.

Last but not the least, honest as one is, can he be accredited by his clients to build solid relationship to extend his business. If one deceives his clients for money, maybe he can make a fortune temporarily; however this will not last long. His poor client would possibly complain to others about his ill behavior so that people will suspect his dignity, leading to a downfall of his business.


According to the three reasons listed above, an honest person is believable from the perspectives of his boss, colleagues and clients, to grant him a better chance of promotion, a more favoring career and greater development in business. In this sense, it is sagacious to conclude that honesty is a cardinal characteristic for one to be successful in life.
楼主高级词汇储存量够牛了

lanccyUID: 2156906

谢谢潇湘玉和归来的虎子！大家互相学习吧，你们也很强的说！

lanccyUID: 2156906

原帖由 toeflperfect 于 2006-5-1 15:21 发表
比喻是范文里用过的,俗!

确实是，但是范文就是用来学习的不是吗，重点是写的时候能自然的用出来，反正是用来骗老米的，不是吗？————一点拙见

lanccyUID: 2156906

回归来的虎子：
103第一段：确实应该用when asked about，我查过了，“被问及”

lanccyUID: 2156906

Topic 143: Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.


How long a vacation should be given to students has always been a fierce discussion in the field of education. Some students prefer a long vacation each year for having sufficient time to organize their own schedule, while some others are the strong proponent of several short vacations throughout the year. As far as I am concerned, I would give the first priority to several short vacations based on the following reasons.

First and foremost, several short vacations spread around the year provides a delicate balance of the intense study and the amused entertainment. As the saying goes, all work and no play make Jack a dull boy. Students do not have to bear a long semester before having a seemingly endless vacation lasting one or two months, which in the end turns out to be boring as well, because of a lack of communication with schoolmates. Instead, they can fully occupy themselves in the academic studies for the notion that a short vacation will be rewarded to relax not far away. In this way, the qualities of both study and recreation are improved significantly.

Matching the first reason is that several short vacations offer a precious period for the refinement of schoolwork. As is known to us, to read without reflecting is just like eating without digesting. The incessant intensive study in the school cannot guarantee affluent time for students to review what they have learnt, not to mention to consolidate them, which as a result, forms an impediment on their way to further study. So the short vacation, such as the 7-day May Day Holiday, is a good opportunity to review and after all refine their schoolwork.

One long vacation each year, however, has its own blessings which I have to admit. Self-disciplined can fully utilize the time for internship to put their academic knowledge into practice. Others can use this time to broaden their eyesight by traveling around. Nonetheless, too long a vacation always gives rise to the obsolescence of study and leads some students to waste their time in playing video games or idling around.

To put into a nutshell, since the merits of several short vocations throughout the year outweigh those of a long one each year, I fervently advocate the proposal of the former one.

[ 本帖最后由 lanccy 于 2006-5-2 19:54 编辑 ]

lanccyUID: 2156906

up

susanlytUID: 2190838

How long a vacation should be given to students has always been a fierce discussion in the field of education. Some students prefer a long vacation each year for having sufficient time to organize their own schedule, while some others are the strong proponent of several short vacations throughout the year. As far as I am concerned, I would give the first priority to several short vacations based on the following reasons.（与前文提到的顺序不符哦～～）

First and foremost, several short vacations spread around the year provides a dedicate （这个不是动词么？而且放这里也有点奇怪哦～）balance of the intense study and the amused entertainment. As the saying goes, all work and no play make Jack a dull boy.（俚语？lz好厉害） Students do not have to bear a long semester before having a seemingly endless vacation lasting one or two months, which in the end turns out to be boring as well, because of a lack of communication with schoolmates. Instead, they can fully occupy themselves in the academic studies for the notion that a short vacation will be rewarded not far away to relax.（Instead, they can fully occupy themselves in the academic studies for a short vacation not far away as a reward to relax. 偶觉得原句有点复杂，可能这个会好点，有望高手指教）In this way, the qualities of both study and recreation are improved significantly.

Matching the first reason is that several short vacations offer a precious period for the refinement of schoolwork. As is known to us, to read without reflecting is just like eating without digesting. The incessant intensive study in the school cannot guarantee affluent time for students to review what they have learnt, not to mention to consolidate them, which as a result, forms an impediment on their way to further study. So the short vacation, such as the 7-day May Day Holiday, is a good opportunity to review and after all refine their schoolwork.

One long vacation each year, however, has its own blessings（merits，advantages？偶觉得blessings有点不太合适） which I have to admit. Self-disciplined can fully utilize the time for internship to put their academic knowledge into practice. Others can use this time to broaden their eyesight by traveling around. Nonetheless, too long a vacation always gives rise to the obsolescence of study and leads some students to waste their time in playing video games or idling around.

To put into a nutshell, since the merits of several short vocations throughout the year outweigh those of a long one each year, I fervently advocate the proposal of the former one.

lz的词汇和句式都很强哦～～就是一开始的时候好像弄错了顺序，让我以为你是support long vacation  的～总体好好哦～
欢迎lz来拍拍～～
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768515618

olive8310UID: 2164907

原帖由 susanlyt 于 2006-5-2 16:36 发表
Some students prefer a long vacation each year for having sufficient time to organize their own schedule, while some others are the strong proponent of several short vacations throughout the year. As far as I am concerned, I would give the first priority to several short vacations based on the following reasons.（与前文提到的顺序不符哦～～）

没有问题吖

a dedicate （这个不是动词么？而且放这里也有点奇怪哦～）balance 同问 ed吧?

all work and no play make Jack a dull boy是work还是works  前面有ALL 不过习语 不敢妄下结论

they can fully occupy   occupy换 make use of 会不会合适点..
to read without reflecting is just like eating without digesting GOOD``:eek: 学习学习
The incessant intensive study  incessant and intensive
劳动节 labor day

LZ次次都用has its own blessings  嘿嘿``没问题  看到楼上发问说下而已``:eek:

Self-disciplined  你sure 这样表示自律的人吗? 我也想用 不过好象只表示自律而已  那主语就不是人了

开头结尾不错 不过鉴于我的观点跟你相反`:L 看起来蛮郁闷的  老是想反驳``:lol

mysteryfigureUID: 2184551

现在就写，写完拍砖

zhenzhen_163UID: 196150

原帖由 henryqq 于 2006-4-30 14:39 发表
Neighbors, an indispensable element of making our life more colorful, are the ones (those) who live near us. In order to live in harmony, having good neighbors has always been ou ...

点评：

根据ETS公布的评分标准咱们谈一谈.因为我没接受过ETS正规培训，所以我说的不一定很准。

Using ETS’scoring scale, I would give you a score of 4 on a good day, and a score of 3 on a bad day. This goes to show that raters are human and their scoring is influenced by their moods. Human beings cannot be entirely objective all the time. 

The basis of my scoring is as follows:

1.        You addressed the topic and task quite well.
2.        Your essay is generally well organized, using adequate explanations, though the third one (about a warm-hearted neighbor) is a bit far-fetched.
3.        It displays unity, progression and coherence.
4.        You demonstrated facility in the use of language, although you faltered at times with incorrect grammar, bad choice of words or un-colloquial usage of phrases.

There are certain specific errors in your original essay and suggestions made by other people. If you care to know what they are, I’ll be happy to show them to you. Otherwise, I would simply say you did a nice job and keep writing.

:)