argument147 义务反复小组第一次作业

天边一朵云UID: 2157330

因为要加入我们小组的朋友比较多，所以我们先布置一次作业，5月6号晚九点前能按时交的人算正式组员。这是我写的，写得不好，算抛砖引玉吧

In this analysis, the arguer intends to prove that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the evidence that a recent survey of video-game players suggests that these players prefer games providing lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Another piece of evidence presented to support the argument is that Whirlwind has kicked off an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. Hence the arguer draws the conclusion that the declining sales trend is about to be reversed. As it stands, this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws

First, the arguer fails to analyze the reasons why the sales of Whirlwind video games declined over the past two years. It may be resulted from poor management, inappropriately high price, all of which nave nothing to do with lifelike graphics. Moreover, the same advertising strategy may nave been used before but didn’t work out. So unless the arguer provides any evidence that the declination in the sales of Whirlwind video games is related to the unqualified game graphics, he will not convince me that the sales of Whirlwind video games will be reversed simply due to the improvement of the graphics.

Secondly, the survey of video-games players is inpursvasive since no details about the people who took the survey are provided. Are these video-games players real fans or they just play it from time to time? What are their professions? Are they selected from one specific group rather than representing the taste of the masses? What’s more, it is possible that they do not match with people 10 to 25 years old targeted by the extensive advertising campaign. All of these put together sharply reduce the credibility of arguer’s conclusion.

Finally, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might affect the sales of the newly introduced lifelike video games. People choose one production out or varieties of considerations. Price is on the top of the list. Introducing up-to-date computers may add to the cost of production, leading to an increase of the charged price and a drop of Whirlwind consumers. On the other hand, if the game lacks fun and thrill, people will not be attracted no matter how delicate the graphics is. Besides, the arguer doesn’t rule out the possibilities that Whirlwind’ competitors have already developed such kind of techniques, making it difficult for it to excess them in this field.

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to provide not only reasons for the previous declination of the sales in Whirlwind, but also some specific details about the survey conducted among video game players. Additionally, to better strengthen the argument, we would need more evidence that the up-to-date and the extensive advertising campaign are effective to promote the sales.

yuviUID: 2169411

我来交作业了.:)

Argument147

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

虽然Whirlwind游戏公司的销售业绩在过去两年均录得下降，一个最近对于游戏玩家的调查显示，这个趋势将会逆转。这个调查询问游戏玩家们他们最看重游戏中的哪个方面，玩家们表示，他们更喜欢提供了更真实的图像的游戏，而这样的游戏，需要使用最先进的电脑。而Whirlwind公司最近刚发行了几个这样类型的游戏，并且有着面对10到25岁这样最多人玩游戏的人群的强大的广告攻势。在这之后的几个月，Whirlwind公司的游戏的销售应该会相当大程度的增加。

提纲:

1)作者的结论建立在不完善的前提下:
a.文中的调查缺乏必要信息
b.未交代调查本身与W公司是否存在商业关联
c.针对10-25年龄段的广告措施与此调查无必要联系

2)打广告而增加公司销售的说法不健全
a.年轻人很难keep最先进的电脑
b.购买因素与游戏本身之间存在差异

3)其他可能影响公司销售下降的因素
a.游戏的销售季节因素
b.竞争对手的市场占有额



The author in this editorial contends the sales of Whirlwind video games will be dramatically increase in the coming months by advertising campaign for 10 to 25 years old age-group people. To support this contention the author cites a recent survey indicates the most important features thought by video-game players which are the exactly games exploring by Whirlwind at present. This argument were suffer several logical problems and therefore wholly unpersuasive by the following flaws:

To begin with, the author's assumption with the increasing of the sales of Whirlwind video games was totally based on the ambiguity preconditions. First, in the editorial above, there is no such evidence show which method was applied in this survey, and what is the age distribution has been surveyed. It also fails to indicate whether this survey match with Whirlwind's marketing purpose in a professional consideration for the business company. Further, there is an absent with evidence that the surveyed people were the delegations of 10 to 25 years old group, by simply connecting the survey results with 10 to 25 age-group, the author's summaries could not be existing as a well-standing one.

Even here to ignore the unclear premises provided from this editorial, the author still cannot justifiably conclude that to advertising lifelike-graphic games for 10 to 25 years old group will directly catalyzing the sales of Whirlwind. According to the survey, the requirement for the player prefer lifelike-graphic games is the most up-to-date computers, however, as a common sense that the young age group are less likely to keep a up-to-date computer compared with people who got fixable salary. Moreover, the most important features thought by player while they playing the game, cannot be the most reasonable issue for people to purchase them. As we know, there are many other issues might be influence while people make their decision during purchasing. Therefore, to putting advertising campaign at people 10 to 25 years old does not mean the sales of company will be definitely increase in a wholly look.  

Finally, the author in a absent to consider there are other significant factors that might caused the decline for the sales of Whirlwind video games in past two years. For example, the sales of video games are the most particular seasoning influenced products. There is a possibility other than games’ selves influenced the sales in a weak season. And the occupation in the same video games market provided by adversarial company might cause the decrease of the sales for Whirlwind in last two years as well. Without the consideration of these possible influences, the author of this editorial cannot hasty generalized strategy for Whirlwind video games in the future.

To sum up, the sales of a video-game company could not be connected as certain affiliation with simplified conclusion for the advertising about the games they produced. In order to gain sales in the future, Whirlwind need to make a long-term strategies based on well-standing reasons to explain the decline of the sales in the past, and to collect the information in a wild range survey of the existing video-games market.

(516 words)

yuviUID: 2169411

改第一楼的:

In this analysis, the arguer intends to prove that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the evidence that a recent survey of video-game players suggests that these players prefer games providing lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Another piece of evidence presented to support the argument is that Whirlwind has kicked off an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. Hence the arguer draws the conclusion that the declining sales trend is about to be reversed. As it stands, this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws

(hehe，这里开头和我一样重复题目。北美范文里建议在考试时不要这么做。我这篇文章是没有限时的写了两天:L -见笑了哈，昨天实在太累,没写完就睡了 :p不知道云MM有没有计时呢？)

First, the arguer fails to analyze the reasons why the sales of Whirlwind video games declined over the past two years. It may be resulted from poor management, inappropriately high price, all of which nave nothing to do with lifelike graphics. Moreover, the same advertising strategy may nave been used before but didn’t work out. So unless the arguer provides any evidence that the declination in the sales of Whirlwind video games is related to the unqualified game graphics, he will not convince me that the sales of Whirlwind video games will be reversed simply due to the improvement of the graphics.

（我把这个原因放在最后了。我觉得按照一层层的原因来评论，第一段应该放最基本的错误。W销售下降似乎不应该放在这么重要的位置。但按错误出现顺序来写也未尝不可，希望可以讨论一下错误的排列顺序）

Secondly, the survey of video-games players is inpursvasive since no details about the people who took the survey are provided. Are these video-games players real fans or they just play it from time to time? What are their professions? Are they selected from one specific group rather than representing the taste of the masses? What’s more, it is possible that they do not match with people 10 to 25 years old targeted by the extensive advertising campaign. All of these put together sharply reduce the credibility of arguer’s conclusion.

（恩，这段用几个反问句提出问题很详细，也有针对性。基本同意，就是最后一句话太过笼统，可能要稍微充实一下表达）

Finally, the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might affect the sales of the newly introduced lifelike video games. People choose one production out or varieties of considerations. Price is on the top of the list. Introducing up-to-date computers may add to the cost of production, leading to an increase of the charged price and a drop of Whirlwind consumers. On the other hand, if the game lacks fun and thrill, people will not be attracted no matter how delicate the graphics is. Besides, the arguer doesn’t rule out the possibilities that Whirlwind’ competitors have already developed such kind of techniques, making it difficult for it to excess them in this field.

（这一段写的每个原因我都非常同意，提出价钱因素，买电脑的多余支出，还有游戏的可玩性高于图象精美的比较，这些都是我没有写到的，学习中。就是最后加入了竞争对手的因素，感觉这个可以和游戏本身及价钱分开来说的。）

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to provide not only reasons for the previous declination （这里用decline就可以了吧，declination是偏差，倾斜的意思） of the sales in Whirlwind, but also some specific details about the survey conducted among video game players. Additionally, to better strengthen the argument, we would need more evidence that the up-to-date and the extensive advertising campaign are effective to promote the sales.

（结尾基本同意，但是我觉得这里似乎没有必要再把广告拿来说事了八？----因为argument本身就是要力求谨慎全面，这里特别提出广告的作用，似乎有点又饶回题目的感觉。呵呵，这是我的想法，可以讨论一下。）


总结：

语句流畅，结构清楚，论述写得也很详细。（学习ing）
有的地方还可以丰满完善一下:):)

[ 本帖最后由 yuvi 于 2006-5-6 00:49 编辑 ]

yuviUID: 2169411

原帖由 jiqixueyuan 于 2006-5-6 01:16 发表
我来交作业了,我是PK,不好意思,现在才来交作业,下次一定按时交上!
...

:L:L:L:L

汗...楼上的同学,你好象是提前交了作业吧,呵呵..我们定的时间是6号晚上9:00

恩..我正准备去睡觉呢..先占位置,明儿来看看你写的..

:):)大家继续加油~~~

ralcUID: 2206404

Based upon a survey indicated the most important feature in a video game was lifelike graphics, which required the most up-to-date computer, the arguer concluded that the sales trend of whirlwind was about to reversed for it introduced such games, superficially. the arguer assumes that people will surely buy what they like and player at all ages has the same taste in video games. A careful examination of this argument would review how groundless the conclusion is.

Two problems have to do with the survey's methodology. First, unless the surveyors sample a sufficient number of players and did so randomly across the entire video game player spectrum, the survey results are not reliable to gauge the favorite feature of the players generally. for example the sample included only girls, then maybe the results would probably no doubt suggest higher preference in lifelike graphics. Another problem is that the editorial neglects to indicate how recently the survey was actually conducted. When samples are used to make general claims about a particular group, the samples should be close enough in time to the generalization they are use to support, so that historical change will not invalidate the generalization.

According to the survey, the editorial conclude the sales of whirlwind will increase. The arguer take for granted that while people prefer high quality graphics to low quality ones will certainly buy the game which requires the most up-to-date computer. While in fact there are a lot more to consider while consumers do a purchase. Is it worthy to buy a new computer or change for a new show card just for a new game in which they can enjoy the lifelike graphics? It remains a question.

At last we see, in order to increase the market share whirlwind made extensive advertisement directed at people aged from 10 to 25, for this age-group most likely to play video games, while this has no solid evidence. Even though it is reasonable, we would argue that it is not sufficient. For one thing, we don't know what the player in this age would choose as priority. People in different age prefer to different things, maybe completely different from the general players, for example, player in the age between 10 and 25, will put background music in the first place while general people consider the graphic is the most important.  

To sum up, the evidence cited in the argument is vague and incomplete, thus does not lend strong support to the conclusion that the arguer maintain. To better evaluate this editorial we need more information concerning what certain players do like as well as their economic ability. Furthermore, the arguer would have to find out the real reason that cause the sales of whirlwind to decline over the past two years.

天边一朵云UID: 2157330

芹菜改的很仔细呵，而且都挺有道理的，感动ing。我作文水平很菜，还要多学习。我今天要回学校，忙着收拾东西，回学校后再看看大家写的。

kittywen_16UID: 2135347

1)对调查有效性的质疑
2）对推断“10－25岁是最喜欢玩游戏的年龄段”论断的质疑
3）即使面对的顾客最大，但能否成功推广还受其他因素影响：如价格、同类产品、盈利比率。
The author's conclusion bases on a survey: if you are a video-game player ,what is the most important feature you will cancer? Obviously, the statistical evidence of the survey upon which the argument relies is too vague to be uninformative .I will share my point view in three aspects.

To begin with, the veniality of the poll is open to doubt. We are told nothing about the way the poll was conducted and how well it represents the public opinion. Supposing that this poll was conducted in a college campus, the samples are confined to the people ranged from 18 to 25 years old .It is obvious that the echo might be the expected answers. Furthermore, the argument fails to indicate what portion of the people surveyed actually responded. If, for instance, 500 subjects were surveyed but no more than 25 echoed, the representation of the results will be of highly suspicion. Unless the above questions are answered, the results are worthless to support the conclusion.

Secondly, the author offers no compelling evidence to validate the assumption that people aged from 18-29 are most likely to play video-game. It is entirely possible that young people were more willing to respond the survey than other people were. Common sense tell us there is a growing number of middle-aged people prefer to playing video-games as way to relieve heavy pressure from. Regardless of these kinds of customs, the assumption will lead to immature conclusion.

Thirdly, the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if their products have a glorious future since it aims to the most scale of customers, it does not necessarily follow well selling. Other factors possibly have contributed to the performance of its marketing. For instance, price is the priority factor to think when people decide to punches game softs.If the prices of their products are so high that few people can afford, they may be experience a hard time as soon as putting into the market. Without ruling out these and other possiblies, the author can't confidently conclude that the sells of the video games are likely to increase in the next few months.

In sum, the conclusion of this argument is invalid and probably misleading. Compressive analysis is necessary to identify the actual cause of lowered profitability. Any decision aimed at enhance the selling must be relied on more thorough investigation to gather sufficient data and more detailed plan to promotion. Only with these effective measures can the Whirlwind Company acquire expected performance in the future.

AnddieUID: 2135826

第一次写这么长的英语作文，按照孙远的模式，写了好久。:L
让板砖们来的更猛烈些吧！！！:victory::victory::victory:


In this argument, the arguer tries to convince us that the sales of Whirlwind video games is about to increase dramatically, as a result of the introduction of the company's new products and advertising campaign. To justify the claim, the arguer provides a recent survey about a video-game's most important features. A careful examination of this argument would reveal several critical flaws.

First of all, the arguer doesn’t present any details of the survey, including the number of samples and the percentage of the people who favor lifelike graphics, which are two crucial factors that determine the sales of Whirlwind’s new lifelike video games. The sale is not going to increase, especially not to increase “dramatically”, without the game’s taking sufficient proportion of the computer game market. Nor does the arguer provide the time and regions the survey took place. So it is reasonable if we doubt the authenticity and credibility of the survey, the main basis of the conclusion the arguer draws.

Secondly, the arguer rests on the gratuitous assumption that the decrease of sales during the last two years is a result of the improper kinds of video games the company has involved in and the lack of advertisement, but that is not always the case. We cannot omit the influence of Whirlwind’s competitors, the loss due to management errors and even the possibility of the decrease of the whole country’s average income. All these problems may affect the sales of Whirlwind’s products greatly and have long-term influences, while the arguer leaves all these things behind and simply suggests introducing some lifelike games. So I suppose the forecast that the arguer finally made is more like an imagination, rather than a well-founded conclusion.

Thirdly, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between the lifelike games with extensive advertising campaign and the augment of its sales. On one hand, he ignores other factors that influence consumers, the most significant of which is the quality of product. Few people would buy a game just because it is their favorite kind or its advertisement is amazing. Sales would hardly increase if the lifelike games are badly developed, no matter how much Whirlwind advertises. On the other hand, according to the argument, the games require a most up-to-date computer, and this may cause Whirlwind to lose a large portion of its customers who cannot afford such a high-tech but expensive computer. Since the argument doesn’t provide any information about the games’ quality and consumers, we believe it is not valid to conclude that the sales would increase.

Lastly, it seems not so obvious that people aged 10 to 25 years old is the age-group most likely to play video games. The arguer just imagines the age bounds of the group without any survey or proof, which is not persuasive. In addition, an advertisement that directs at a certain age-group would cause consumers of other ages to lose their interests and finally bring loss to Whirlwind’s video game sales.

All in all, the argument is not reasonable as it stands. To make it more logical, the arguer would have to produce more evidence to prove that the sales would definitely increase. We need more evidence concerning the data of the survey, the reason why the sales decreased and the guarantee of its reversion.

glxingUID: 2156425

我大概是最后一个交作业的了吧，现在是北京时间19.57，呵呵
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

yuviUID: 2169411

截止到今天9:00PM,第一次作业完成名单如下:

天边一朵云(云卷云舒)
yuvi(く莞尔ㄍ^^)
jiqixueyuan(pk)
ralc(Viking)
kittywen_16(不知道这位同学有没有加入AWA群呢?)
Anddie( ZZZzzzz……)
glxing(小蜗牛)

我把两边的名字都列了出来,方便大家查找.
请写完作业的同学在这两天找时间互相修改一下,修改的顺序为改自己上一楼的同学的作业.
安排如下:

天边一朵云<---yuvi
yuvi<---jiqixueyuan
jiqixueyuan<---ralc
ralc<---kittywen_16
kittywen_16<---Anddie
anddie<---glxing
glxing<---天边一朵云

PS一下:因为这是我们的第一次作业,修改顺序什么的现在暂时试运行,此模式还没有固定.所以目前可以自由商定调整顺序.(如果到8号之前还有没有被改到的作业,我会负责修改)

PS2:修改作业是使自己进步的的手段之一..提醒大家注意互改的重要性.:):)

大家加油~~攻克AWA~~
:victory::)

kittywen_16UID: 2135347

请问上一楼，AWA群在哪里？如何加入？

天边一朵云UID: 2157330

我来改小蜗牛的。
The author gets the conclusion that the sales trend of Whirlwind video games is about to be reversed based on a survey. However, close scrutiny reveals that the arguer has made several mistakes.

First of all, the author does not analyze why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, so it is not necessary(用unnecessary会更简洁些) that introducing some new video games could change the company's sales. Perhaps the customers do not like the service of this company or can not afford the prices of its video games, then the company's sales trend  will fail to be reversed even its video games is of high quality and advertising campaign succeed.

Secondly, the arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. It is possible that the number of respondents is too low to be representative of overall video games players or most repondents (respondents)in this survey are by chance people who prefer games with lifelike graphics.

Thirdly, even if the survey is reliable enough, the author does not go further to prove that most players would like to change their computers for just a video games. If the required up-to-date computers are so expensive that only a small part of palyer（players） can afford, then the video games can not be saled well(sell well) although they are prefered(preferred) by the players
(这个理由不错)
Moreover, the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old may not succeed because this age-group depend on their parents in financial（这句话有点怪，但我一时也想不出该怎么改）, and the final decision is made by their parents. Perhaps the parents emphasize the education role of these video games rather than children's favor. Also, whether the price is affordable is an important factor that will influcence (influence)the video game's sales.
（这个理由我个人觉得有些牵强，25岁的已经独立了，而且题目中没有涉及游戏的教育意义，这么说有些站不住脚，可以讨论下）
Last but not the least, even the video game is prefered(preferred) by palyers(players) and the advertising campaign succeeds, the author can not guaranteen (guarantee) that the sales are likely to increase dramatically because the competition in the market is not taken into account. It is possible that the competitors are  researching this kind of video games as well and their bigger market shares are great advantage for their sales, so the author ignore the serious competition in the next few months before concluding this assertion.

In sum, this argument is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have to show that the survey is statistically reliable and represents the majority of video players. Additionally, the author must provide evidences that players can afford the price of this video games and would like to update their computers. It would be better that the author make a careful analyse about the current market share.

总结：1、文中拼写错误较多，估计是打的时候比较急。这种小错误能避免就避免
   2、文章整体思路清晰，而且批驳的角度很多很全面，可以说是面面俱到，可以看出作者逻辑思维比较好，这一点值得学习
   3、个人觉得每一点的分析都只是点了一下，分析得不是很透彻，从字数就能看出来，段落很多，但每一段字数比较少。可以考虑每一个论据分析透彻些。
   4、语言比较流畅，但变化不是很多，比如prefer用了好几次，可以用popular, favor 等代替。
   这只是我的个人意见，第一次给别人改作文，有不对的地方可以大家一起讨论。

yuviUID: 2169411

下面是我改的文章

Anddie的:

In this argument, the arguer tries to convince us that the sales of Whirlwind video games is about to increase dramatically, as a result of the introduction of the company's new products and advertising campaign. （原文改写意思不是很准确，说得太笼统了）To justify the claim, the arguer provides a recent survey about a video-game's most important features. A careful examination of this argument would reveal several critical flaws.（开头段有点生拼硬凑的感觉）
First of all, the arguer doesn’t（正式作文不要用省略形式） present any details of the survey, including the number of samples and the percentage of the people who favor lifelike graphics, which are two crucial factors that determine the sales of Whirlwind’s new lifelike video games. The sale is not going to increase, especially not to increase “dramatically”, （这句话比文章里说得还要绝对啊？写Argument要保持严谨吧，不要说“销售不会上升”这样绝对的话）without the game’s taking sufficient proportion of the computer game market（chinglish，建议重写这句）. Nor does the arguer provide the time and regions the survey took place. So it is reasonable if we doubt the authenticity and credibility of the survey, the main basis of the conclusion the arguer draws. （恩，第一段先写最明显的错误）

Secondly, the arguer rests on the gratuitous assumption that the decrease of sales during the last two years is a result of the improper kinds of video games the company has involved in and the lack of advertisement, but that is not always the case（好长，虽然我大概能懂你表达的意思，但是不知道ETS的考官会不会被你饶晕了？呵呵）. We cannot omit the influence of Whirlwind’s competitors, the loss due to management errors and even the possibility of the decrease of the whole country’s average income. All these problems may affect the sales of Whirlwind’s products greatly and have long-term influences, while the arguer leaves all these things behind and simply suggests introducing some lifelike games. So I suppose the forecast that the arguer finally made is more like an imagination, rather than a well-founded conclusion.（经常用So 有点单调吧。这个表达的问题是可以避免的，参考孙远工具箱）

Thirdly, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship （啥意思？）between the lifelike games with extensive advertising campaign and the augment of its sales（？？有点疑问）. On one hand, he ignores other factors that influence consumers, the most significant of which is the quality of product. Few people would buy a game just because it is their favorite kind or its advertisement is amazing. （顾客的个人喜好和题目无冲突—相反还间接支持了调查的某些方面，给出这样假设好象没有什么必要）Sales would hardly increase if the lifelike games are badly developed, no matter how much Whirlwind advertises（这样的话没有必要出现哎）. On the other hand, according to the argument, the games require a most up-to-date computer, and this may cause Whirlwind to lose a large portion of its customers who cannot afford such a high-tech but expensive computer（这是你的个人假设吧，陈述事实可以提出来说10-25的多为没有工作/工作不稳定人群，所以给电脑配置带来限制）. Since the argument doesn’t provide any information about the games’ quality and consumers, we believe it is not valid to conclude that the sales would increase.（这段有点杂，而且花的笔墨占全文的比重过多了）

Lastly, it seems not so obvious that people aged 10 to 25 years old is the age-group most likely to play video games.（这个我觉得没有必要反驳。感觉在找茬，呵呵） The arguer just imagines the age bounds of the group without any survey or proof, which is not persuasive. In addition, an advertisement that directs at a certain age-group would cause consumers of other ages to lose their interests and finally bring loss to Whirlwind’s video game sales.

All in all, the argument is not reasonable as it stands. To make it more logical, the arguer would have to produce more evidence to prove that the sales would definitely increase. We need more evidence concerning the data of the survey, the reason why the sales decreased and the guarantee of its reversion.


总结：

Anddie第一次写作文吧？希望不要被我拍得太厉害了。
结构把握不错，大的前提把握了，但是表达的方面及反驳的思维套路还没有形成。
建议可以在动手前写一份完整的中文提纲。
并且用中文思考看哪些反驳的观点是站不住脚的，哪些是实实在在的逻辑错误。
然后再动笔写。表达方面可以先整理自己的写作模版（从范文里抠下来，呵呵，我以前就是这么做的）
最后鼓励一下，加油加油。：）