Issue38 【加州阳光】第二次作业 大家来拍拍！！

sandyfriendUID: 157486

这次写的挺乱的，大家狠狠地批阿

TOPIC: ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
WORDS: 508          TIME: 1:10:29          DATE: 2006-6-7
poistion :   agree, and combin the two medium together will be more effective.
1. in education , television trends to be more vivid , convenient effective
2. in entertainment, television trends to be more choice.
3. combine together will be benifitful not only to education but to entertainment


Statistics show that people now spend at least an hours and a half in television, however, the time spending in reading declines to about 30 minutes. Then, some contends that in the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. As for me, I think that people can learn as much by television as they can by reading books, and more effective by these two medium side by side. The reason why I support the view shows below:

The first reason we all can not deny is that television is more convenient, effective and vivid media than books, especially in Education. In a long period, books tend to be the primate approach to infuse the knowledge. Nevertheless, books also have some disadvantage such as non-intuition, easy spoilage and sometimes out of season. The media of the televison,through which we impart the knowledge to the people, have the advantages over these shortcoming  For example, compare to just two or three illustrations with lots of letter in books, we can demonstrate an allegory by the cartoon more clearly and vividly .  The boring education process can be interested through television. A survey  says that about 40 percent of the middle school now adopt the televisions education approach, and 70 percent of the teacher maintain that television education indeed improve the efficiency of the education. Being convenient, effective and vivid, television starts to play an important role in education.

Long ago, reading books can be seen as a kind of entertainment, so is televisions. People are no longer to read the novels but to watch them. Many famous novels are adapted and screened into movies and series. The character is concrete in movies not the one in word. Maybe, the success of the movie attracts people to pay attention to the books and buy them in the end, such as the Harry Potter series.  At the same time, televisions provide much more selection for leisure.  You can seat on the chair watching the classical channel of ESPN, daily events and even the weather foresee.  Thus, summing up the above mention, people can learn as much by watching televisions as they can by reading books.

Admittedly, we can’t neglect the function of reading books. Even now, it is the most important medium in educations and entrainments. The books present the problems objectively, detailedly and integrallty. Televisions which can solve the shortcoming of the books can be a good partner with the Books. In educations, the cooperation of books and televisions approach can be seen as the much more effective one.  In entertainments, different kinds of the relaxations enable enough rest.   

In conclusion, not only in educations but in entertainments reading books is not as important as it once was, the same knowledge can be learned by television.
If Combing the two medium together, we will gets a more effective medium in learning.

[ 本帖最后由 sandyfriend 于 2006-6-9 21:23 编辑 ]

yvonnewhuUID: 2202979

我的作文连接是https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

poistion :   agree, and combin the two medium together will be more effective.
1. in education , television trends to be more vivid , convenient effective
2. in entertainment, television trends to be more choice.
3. combine together will be benifitful not only to education but to entertainment


Statistics show that people now spend at least an hours and a half in television everyday?, however, the time spending in reading declines to about 30 minutes. Then, some(someone?) contends that in the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. As for me, I think that people can learn as much by television as they can by reading books, and more effective by these two medium side by side(side by side 是副词应该修饰动词,在后面可否写成by combining the two together). The reason why I support the view shows below:

The first reason we all can not deny is that television is (别忘了冠词哦)more convenient, effective and vivid media than books, especially in Education. In a long period, books tend to be the primate approach to infuse the 这里好像不用介词 knowledge. Nevertheless, books also have some disadvantages such as non-intuition, easy spoilage and sometimes out of season. The media of the televison,through which we impart the knowledge to the people, have the advantages over these shortcoming  For example, compare (这里compare是做动名词短语做状语吗?这句话里面有compare 和can demonstrate两个动词哦)to just two or three illustrations with lots of letter in books, we can demonstrate an allegory by the cartoon more clearly and vividly .  The boring education process can be interested through television. A survey  says that about 40 percent of the middle school now adopt the televisions education approach, and 70 percent of the teacher maintain that television education indeed improve the efficiency of the education. Being convenient, effective and vivid, television starts to play an important role in education.

Long ago, reading books can be seen as a kind of entertainment, so is televisions. People are no longer to(改成people no longer read novels but watch them 是否更好些) read the novels but to watch them. Many famous novels are adapted and screened into movies and series. The character is concrete in movies not the one in word. Maybe, the success of the movie attracts people to pay attention to the books and buy them in the end, such as the Harry Potter series.  At the same time, televisions provide much more selection for leisure.  You can seat on the chair watching the classical channel of ESPN, daily events and even the weather foresee.  Thus, summing up the above mention, people can learn as much by watching televisions as they can by reading books.对这个观点的论证似乎不太充分
Admittedly, we can’t neglect the function of reading books. Even now, it is the most important medium in educations and entrainments. The books present the problems objectively, detailedly and integrallty. Televisions which can solve the shortcoming of the books can be a good partner with the Books. In educations, the cooperation of books and televisions approach can be seen as thea much more effective one.  In entertainments, different kinds of the relaxations enable enough rest.   

In conclusion, not only in educations but in entertainments reading books is not as important as it once was,这里应该用分号,因为前面和后面都是独立的句子 the same knowledge can be learned by television.
If Combing the two medium together, we will gets a more effective medium(改为effective way 更好一些,用a medium 句子有歧义) in learning.


这篇文章结构挺清晰的,开始表明态度,中间是分段陈述理由.中间用的例子,survey 都是很精彩的哦.
为了sandy写得更好,也努力挑了几个问题
1.因为你的论据是两者并用,所以他们的有缺点都要说,但是后面对book的优点论述有些不够
2.句式不够多元化,语法还要稍微注意一下
3. 还可以更清晰一点,文中第一段写television优点同时参杂了一些缺点,后面又在说优点,如果可以更条理就好了

盈盈飞飞UID: 2217743

TOPIC: ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
WORDS: 508          TIME: 1:10:29          DATE: 2006-6-7
poistion :   agree, and combin the two medium together will be more effective.
1. in education , television trends to be more vivid , convenient effective
2. in entertainment, television trends to be more choice.
3. combine together will be benifitful not only to education but to entertainment


Statistics show that people now spend at least an hours and a half in television, however, the time spending in reading declines to about 30 minutes. Then, （这个作文连词显得有点幼稚呀）some contends that in the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. As for me, I think that people can learn as much by television as they can by reading books, and more effective by these two medium side by side. The reason why I support the view shows below:（最后这句话在我看来就是凑字数用的，删掉吧）
The first reason we all can not deny is that television is a kind of more convenient, effective and vivid media than books, especially in Education. In a long period, books tend to be the primate approach 这个用法对吗？to infuse the knowledge. Nevertheless, books also have some disadvantage such as non-intuition, easy spoilage and sometimes out of season. The media of the televison,through which we impart the knowledge to the people, have the advantages over these shortcoming 这句话我觉得写的挺别扭 For example, compare to just two or three illustrations with lots of letter in books, we can demonstrate an allegory by the cartoon more clearly and vividly .  The boring education process can be interested through television. A survey  saysshows that about 40 percent of the middle school now adopt the televisions education approach, and 70 percent of the teacher maintain that television education indeed improve the efficiency of the education. Being convenient, effective and vivid, television starts to play an important role in education.

Long ago,这个表达有点幼稚的说 reading books can be seen as a kind of entertainment, so is televisions. People are no longer to read the novels but to watch them. Many famous novels are adapted and screened into movies and series. The character is concrete in movies not the one in word. Maybe, the success of the movie attracts people to pay attention to the books and buy them in the end, such as the Harry Potter series.  At the same time, televisions provide much more selection for leisure.  You can seat on the chair watching the classical channel of ESPN, daily events and even the weather foresee.  Thus, summing up the above mention, people can learn as much by watching televisions as they can by reading books.

Admittedly, we can’t neglect the function of reading books. Even now, it is the most跟你的观点矛盾了吧？ important medium in educations and entrainments. The books present the problems objectively, detailedly 能这样用？and integrallty. Televisions which can solve the shortcoming solve the shortcoming?of the books can be a good partner with the Books. In educations, the cooperation of books and televisions approach can be seen as the much more effective one.  In entertainments, different kinds of the relaxations enable enough rest.   

In conclusion, not only in educations but in entertainments reading books is not as important as it once was, the same knowledge can be learned by television.
If Combing the two medium together, we will gets a more effective medium in learning.
我觉得有这么几个问题
1，语言需要加强，我的感觉是表达很chingish，好几个词用的我不知道对不对，反正是没见过
2，思路需要梳理，分成教育和娱乐两方面，我觉得不论深度还是广度都没体现出来
3，最后一个结合，我觉得有点突兀
我拍人很狠，见谅，见谅