ARGUMENT6 [越洋农场站队]搞了个笑,把9写成6了.

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS: 532          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-6-13

In the argument, the author recommends building a jazz club in the city of Monroe, and he substantiates his claim with some seemingly grounded statistics and evidences. A market investigation is conducted to show that the club will fully occupy the local market, and the author cites a case of a popular radio program to prove that jazz music has a solid foundation in the city. Unfortunately, without considering other factors and evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of building a jazz club, the author's claim is neither logical nor practical.

Let us first consider the author's market investigation thoroughly. In the first place, the author does take other jazz clubs- the opponents as well as local customers in to his consideration. But a club 65 miles away will not prevent our citizens from driving to join it, as transportation development makes it possible to arrive to a place 65miles away in several hours. Nowadays, we can see fans rush many hundreds of miles to see their favorite baseball team playing a game, and as far as we know, music fans are even more enthusiastic than sport fans.

Also, the jazz festival last summer makes no sense in supporting the authors claim. The jazz festival maybe the popular activities in the city, but the 100,000 people who join the festival will not all go to the C Note club. It is clearly that only some of those people are music fans, and only a few will attend clubs. When a big festival takes place in our city, we will absolutely attend, but that does not mean we are probably going there to relax ourselves and have fun with our family, of course, we don't have to be jazz music fans.


Then we will see if the radio program mentioned by the author can substantiate the author's recommendation. As mentioned in the argument, the program is aired every weeknight. It is highly possible that a good airing time will ensure the program's highest rate. Other factors such as a famous host or hostess as well interactive activities with the audience will increase its popularity. In addition, the evidence that several well-known jazz musicians lives in the city does not mean that our club will attract more customers. They may choose to live here simply because of the beautiful sunshine and good air conditions which has nothing to do with a jazz club.

Finally, the survey cited in the end of the argument, due to lacking information, does not support the author's claim well. A nationwide study may not reflect local situation, and the $1,000 per year makes no sense. Without comparing to other kind of interests, for example basketball, country music and traveling, we do not know if this amount of money is significant.

So, the recommendation that C Note should be built is not practical. The author has to bear in mind that a good market investigation must first consider the club itself. What will our club be? What are our advantages compared to other clubs? Then, a careful consideration has to be made about all the clubs nearby as well as our customers. After doing these, the argument will be more practical.

注：未限时版
自己觉得的优点：开头段终于写的有点特色了
缺点：关键词估计用的还有有不合适的，重复也太多．

[ 本帖最后由 pewcg8 于 2006-6-18 10:03 编辑 ]

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格式不对。请修改，不然被删就不好了