Argument65【加州阳光】第六次作业★from 叶子★

leaf99UID: 2174003

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 524         TIME: 45m      

1、新店的best-selling不能应用到所有店。W本地产价格便宜，cheddar正在做开业促销，消费者比较喜欢此奶酪的口味。
2、杂志调查没有说服力。杂志订阅的人少没有说服力，杂志订阅者并不一定是cheese store的消费者。
3、停止储存进口奶酪，集中国产不一定能够盈利。虽然库存开支减少了，但产品单一，一部分顾客会流失，而且国产奶酪的销量不一定会好。缺乏对本店奶酪消费者偏好的调查，没有提供所有商店中国产奶酪和进口奶酪的销售情况。

In this argument, the author recommends all the chain stores to focus on stocking domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported chess to improve profits. To justify his recommendation, he cites evidence concerning a successful sales experience of domestic cheeses in a newest chain store and also a recent survey conducted by a cheese magazine. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveal that it lends little credible support to the author's assertion.

First of all, the author mistakenly assumes that the sales success of one store can be safely applied to all the other chain stores throughout the country. Though these chain stores belong to the same company and sell largely the same cheeses, their customers bear different characteristics in terms of preference, eating habits, purchasing power etc. Due to these potential differences, the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store might enjoy less popularity among other shops. It is very likely that the newest store is located at or near Wisconsin, and most of its customers prefer the taste of Wisconsin cheese. Besides, Wisconsin cheeses might be less expensive than imported or even other domestic ones since they are locally produced. However, due to different location and customer preference, all the other stores will not witness such remarkable sales performance as the newest store.

Second, the survey that the argument cites is unreliable in several aspects.  On the one hand, the author does not provide any detailed information about the magazine.  If it is a local magazine, its survey result will only indicates the local instead of national preference, which can not be applied to all the cheese stores throughout the country. On the other hand, information about the respondents of the survey is largely unknown to us. It is very likely that the subscribers are too few to be representative of all the cheese consumers. Or perhaps the majority of the subscribers, out of patriotism, prefer domestic cheeses to imported ones. Without giving these essential facts of the survey, its result will lend little credibility to the argument.

Thirdly, the author falsely assumes that limiting inventory will certainly lead to profit increase. Though the store can reduce its inventory expenses by abandoning the stock of a large variety of imported cheese, its sales is unlikely to see any significant improvement in the future. According to the above discussion, there is no indication that domestic cheeses will enjoy an increasing popularity among national consumers. However, without inventory of imported cheese, it is almost certain that the stores will lose a large number of customers who prefer imported cheese. As cheese sales decreases, the prediction of a profit improvement by inventory adjustment is unconvincing.

In conclusion, the author’s reasoning does not warrant his recommendation. To strengthen his argument, the author would have to provide more information concerning different customer preference of different chain store instead of blindly borrowing survey result from an unreliable magazine. Additionally, the author needs to collect data concerning sales performance of both imported and domestic cheeses in different cheese store throughout the country, and adjust inventory accordingly. Only with more convincing evidence will this argument become more than an emotional appeal.

[ 本帖最后由 leaf99 于 2006-7-5 14:42 编辑 ]

timboyUID: 193944

首先谢谢你对我argument47的宝贵建议:), 你这次的提纲写的很好.我借鉴了一些,谢谢!
In this argument, the author recommends all the chain stores to focus on stocking domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported chess to improve profits. To justify his recommendation, he cites evidence concerning a successful sales experience of domestic cheeses in a newest chain store and also a recent survey conducted by a cheese magazine. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveal(reveals) that it(最好是evidence) lends little credible support to the author's assertion.
开头不错,概括很好/
First of all, the author mistakenly assumes that the sales success of one store can be safely applied to all the other chain stores throughout the country. Though these chain stores belong to the same company and sell largely the same cheeses, their customers bear different characteristics in terms of preference, eating habits, purchasing power etc. Due to these potential differences, the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store might enjoy less popularity among(加the,some和other对应) other shops. It is very likely that the newest store is located at or near Wisconsin, and most of its customers prefer the taste of Wisconsin cheese. Besides, Wisconsin cheeses might be less expensive than imported or even other domestic ones since they are locally produced(好像这句话不能证明,价格便宜不一定受欢迎啊,(物美价廉)).However, due to different location and customer preference, all the other stores will not witness such remarkable sales performance as the newest store.
你的提纲中刚开张不在里面,不过整体写的严密,少部分需斟酌
Second, the survey that the argument cites is unreliable in several aspects.survey的从句有问题  On the one hand, the author does not provide any detailed information about the magazine.  If it is a local magazine, its survey result will only indicates the local instead of national preference,(不一定,比如武汉有很多地方报纸卖.订阅者可以是全国性的) which can not be applied to all the cheese stores throughout the country. On the other hand, information about the respondents of the survey is largely unknown to us. It is very likely that the subscribers(回应者好些) are too few to be representative of all the cheese consumers. Or perhaps the majority of the subscribers, out of patriotism, prefer domestic cheeses to imported ones. Without giving these essential facts of the survey, its result will lend little credibility to the argument.

Thirdly, the author falsely assumes that limiting inventory will certainly lead to profit increase. Though the store can reduce its inventory expenses by abandoning the stock of a large variety of imported cheese, its sales is unlikely to see any significant improvement in the future. According to the above discussion, there is no indication that domestic cheeses will enjoy an increasing popularity among national consumers. However, without inventory of imported cheese, it is almost certain that the stores will lose a large number of customers who prefer imported cheese. As cheese sales decreases, the prediction of a profit improvement by inventory adjustment is unconvincing.
写的不错
In conclusion, the author’s reasoning does not warrant his(不要有性别词) recommendation. To strengthen his argument, the author would have to provide more information concerning different customer preference of different chain store(s) instead of blindly borrowing (citing)survey result from an unreliable magazine. Additionally, the author needs to collect data concerning sales performance of both imported and domestic cheeses in different cheese store throughout the country, and adjust inventory accordingly. Only with more convincing evidence will this argument become more than an emotional appeal.
最后一段注意单复数,注意性别词
整体写的不错,但在论据方面多下功夫,加油!(如有不当之处,望多多包涵指正)

[ 本帖最后由 timboy 于 2006-7-5 10:42 编辑 ]

timboyUID: 193944

期待你的指教
argument51
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 timboy 于 2006-7-5 22:56 编辑 ]

jujuangelaUID: 2181388

In this argument, the author recommends all the chain stores to focus on stocking domestic cheeses and stop stocking imported chess to improve profits. To justify his recommendation, he cites evidence concerning a successful sales experience of domestic cheeses in a newest chain store and also a recent survey conducted by a cheese magazine. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveal（s） that it lends little credible support to the author's assertion.

First of all, the author mistakenly assumes that the sales success of one store can be safely applied to all the other chain stores throughout the country. Though these chain stores belong to the same company and sell largely the same cheeses, their customers bear different characteristics in terms of preference, eating habits, purchasing power etc. Due to these potential differences, the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store might enjoy less popularity among other shops. It is very likely that the newest store is located at or near Wisconsin, and most of its customers prefer the taste of Wisconsin cheese. Besides, Wisconsin cheeses might be less expensive than imported or even other domestic ones since they are locally produced. However, due to different location and customer preference, all the other stores will not witness such remarkable sales performance as the newest store.（good！）

Second, the survey that the argument cites is unreliable in several aspects.  On the one hand, the author does not provide any detailed information about the magazine.  If it is a local magazine, its survey result will only indicates the local instead of national preference, which can not be applied to all the cheese stores throughout the country.（不是杂志是地方性的，应该说它的发行范围是地方性的） On the other hand, information about the respondents of the survey is largely unknown to us. It is very likely that the subscribers are too few to be representative of all the cheese consumers. Or perhaps the majority of the subscribers, out of patriotism, prefer domestic cheeses to imported ones.（这个可能不正好符合arguer的意思吗？不管出于什么理由，只要他们愿意买，销量就会好！） Without giving these essential facts of the survey, its result will lend little credibility to the argument. （论据还可很多，请参考我的：））

Thirdly, the author falsely assumes that limiting inventory will certainly lead to profit increase. Though the store can reduce its inventory expenses by abandoning the stock of a large variety of imported cheese, its sales is unlikely to see any significant improvement in the future. According to the above discussion, there is no indication that domestic cheeses will enjoy an increasing popularity among national consumers.（这两句话象是在总结一二个论点的意思，其实可以一句话带过，直接写however后面的内容） However, without inventory of imported cheese, it is almost certain that the stores will lose a large number of customers who prefer imported cheese. As cheese sales decreases, the prediction of a profit improvement by inventory adjustment is unconvincing.

In conclusion, the author’s reasoning does not warrant his recommendation. To strengthen his argument, the author would have to provide more information concerning different customer preference of different chain store instead of blindly borrowing survey result from an unreliable magazine. Additionally, the author needs to collect data concerning sales performance of both imported and domestic cheeses in different cheese store throughout the country, and adjust inventory accordingly. Only with more convincing evidence will this argument become more than an emotional appeal.（good！）

叶子，看看我的：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3