ISSUE87 [越洋农场站队] 同主题第七期

WWWXXX2UID: 2143598

TOPIC: ISSUE87 - "In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."
WORDS: 619          TIME: 1:43:19          DATE: 2006-8-1

不限时的一篇,写的一般
不能将写之前的提纲都顾及到......多批评,不用留情^_^

In the contemporary society, we human have gained maybe the most thorough and complicate knowledge system than any other eras before, but unfortunately also the most enormous acquirement of more important discoveries which be desired by the development of almost every realms. So this is the question affronted us: in any field of inquiry, whether the beginner or expert would the most efficient discoverer? To this question, people may offer their respective points based on their personal stands. As a beginner, my point is that the beginner will play more important role in the endless progress searching for knowledge.
In the first place, I have to concede that we can not efficiently make any discoveries without the help of expert. Expert is a kind of people who own such characteristics----------experience accumulated from the practice and time; knowledge gained through long terms hard-working; also the high psychological level based on undergoing diverse situations. And with the experience they own we could make a short avenue to new knowledge by avoiding making mistakes; the knowledge they own may help us to handle the base on which we could infer to somewhat discoveries; and only with their mature psychological level could we make rational decisions when we encounter some difficulties. All these are just could be brought by the expert and could lead us a better way to new discoveries.
However, the most significant factor of discoveries is something that is the expert hard to brought to us--------innovation. But to the beginner with such a typical factor------lack of experience especially that of practice, it is maybe more easier, even instinctive, to obtain innovation which could lead progress to make discoveries. The scarcity of experience does not restrain the beginner's to make somewhat contributions to make discoveries, to the contrary, it keep the beginner's mind on a condition which could produce some illusions that may be eliminated by experience such as the expert own. Such illusions, maybe useless or relateless on the surface, could maintain a lot possibilities that every one may could lead a astonishing discoveries in every realms-------just consider the Brain Storm mean that have been applied to produce a lot of new ways to solve difficult problems and some eventually lead a innovation or a new discovery. So the beginner's influence to making discoveries may be the decisive one.
In addition, the benefits of the expert that I just mentioned in the second paragraph maybe also a double-edged sword. This point may be paradox but it is on the correct philosophical side--------consider things from both positive and negative aspects. Their experience could also restrain their imaginations and creativetations; the "accomplished" knowledge they own may be a fetter to hamper them learn and accept some new theories; latest but not least, some of the expert have not sufficient courage to question something that may lead important discoveries because they can not afford the risk of losing their position and famous, just consider what will happen if the Einstein, when his still a beginner of enormous physical academicals world, have not dare to question the Newton's classic physical system? But the beginner could just question what they do not agree with or doubt to without any apprehensions about losing something-------they have nothing to lose. So contrast to the  beginner, the expert is less likely to make any discoveries even important ones.
Although beginners also have some negative aspects such as unstable working condition but never overweight their brilliant characteristics. Every expert was a beginner but why they got changed during the progress pursue the knowledge? If every experts could keep the passion when they were still beginners and molt the fetters which restrain them, we could got more and better discoveries.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 02:47 编辑 ]

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

占座

WWWXXX2UID: 2143598

嘿嘿^_^

pewcg8UID: 2143213

TOPIC: ISSUE87 - "In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."
WORDS: 619          TIME: 1:43:19          DATE: 2006-8-1

不限时的一篇,写的一般
不能将写之前的提纲都顾及到......多批评,不用留情^_^

In the contemporary society, (好啊,用了无数遍的无赖开头,我都与时俱进了你还不换??:lol)we human(我见的比较多的说法是we human-beings) have gained maybe the most thorough and complicate knowledge system (觉得gain knowledge system不如gain knowledge好,或者说a system of knowledge)than any other eras before, but unfortunately also the most enormous acquirement of more important discoveries which be desired by the development of almost every realms. (这个超级变态米花长句有点太长了,看晕了......)So this is the question affronted (主被动反了)us: in any field of inquiry, whether the beginner or expert would be the most efficient discoverer? To this question, people may offer their respective points based on their personal stands. As a beginner,(这句可以不要) my point is that the beginner will play more important role in the endless progress searching for knowledge.
第一段写的很好,但是如果考试的话,花这么大精力写首段有点划不来.

In the first place, I have to concede that we can not efficiently make any discoveries without the help of expert. (好句,把we换成beginners就更好了.)Expert is a kind of people who own such characteristics----------experience accumulated from the practice and time; knowledge gained through long terms of hard-working; also the high psychological level based on undergoing diverse situations. And with the experience they own(把with改成under the help/aid of能使表意更清楚) we could make a short avenue to new knowledge by avoiding making mistakes; the knowledge they own (几个own了?把own用成米花了......)may help us to(可以省略) handle the base on which we could infer to somewhat discoveries; and only with their mature psychological level could we make rational decisions when we encounter (似乎应该加个with) some difficulties. All these are just could be brought by the expert and could lead us a better way to new discoveries.
专家的作用

However, the most significant factor of discoveries is something that is the expert hard to brought to us--------innovation.(句子结构有点乱) But to the beginner with such a typical factor------lack of experience especially that of practice, it is maybe(it maybe more easier) more easier, even instinctive, to obtain innovation which could lead to progress to make discoveries. The scarcity of experience does not restrain the beginner's to make somewhat contributions to make discoveries,(beginner's to什么意思?打错了?) to the contrary, it keeps the beginner's mind on a condition which could produce some illusions that may be eliminated by experience such as the expert own. Such illusions, maybe useless or relateless on the surface, could maintain a lot possibilities that every one may could lead a astonishing discoveries in every realms-------just consider the Brain Storm(brainstorming吧?) mean that have been applied to produce a lot of new ways to solve difficult problems and some eventually lead a innovation or a new discovery. So the beginner's influence to making discoveries may be the decisive one.
让步之后,看来侧重在新手.

In addition, the benefits of the expert that I just mentioned in the second paragraph maybe also a double-edged sword. This point may be paradox but it is on the correct philosophical side--------consider things from both positive and negative aspects. Their experience could also restrain their imaginations and creativetations; the "accomplished" knowledge they own may be a fetter to hamper them learn and accept(应该是非谓语动词,不是原形) some new theories; latest but not least, some of the expert have not sufficient courage to question something that may lead to important discoveries because they can not afford the risk of losing their position and famous, just consider what will happen if the(我们只有一个爱因斯坦......) Einstein, when his is still a beginner of enormous physical academicals world, have not (是no吧?)dare to question the Newton's classic physical system? But the beginner could just question what they do not agree with or doubt to (多余)without any apprehensions about losing something-------they have nothing to lose. So contrast(compared to) to the  beginner, the expert is less likely to make any discoveries even important ones.

Although beginners also have some negative aspects such as unstable working condition but never(overweight的主语丢到米花里了) overweight their brilliant characteristics. Every expert was a beginner but why they got changed during the progress pursue the knowledge? If every experts could keep the passion when they were still beginners and molt the fetters which restrain them, we could got more and better discoveries.

总结:
1.作者很巧妙的在最后一段把beginner和expert联系在了一起,升华主题.整篇文章的思路很明确,内容很丰富,说了不少重要的点.
2.长句和短句交错配合的地方比较少,建议多出现长短句的交错.
3.语法错误有点多,许多长句一加个从句就忘了单三,或者漏了介词的搭配,有的时候介词代培多余.还有那个the Einstein的问题,我们只有一个爱因斯坦,这个时候直接说人名字,就像说"米花",而不是"the 米花".
4.词汇绝大部分都是做了变化,唯一就是那个own用的太多了.

WWWXXX2UID: 2143598

语法错误确实是我的软肋
我自己应该注意^_^
你个米花………………

[ 本帖最后由 WWWXXX2 于 2006-8-1 22:12 编辑 ]

hoogw2000UID: 2124365

TO author!!!
The verbose analysis diffuse through the discourse. I don't see any single persuasive   sample in this essay!!! The Einstain, is not relevant, man! Being a university professor for several tens years, Einstain is a veteran instead of a tyro,man!!! The essay is full of wordy, voluble analysis, which is not telling! So the essay merit a score not more than 4.

WWWXXX2UID: 2143598

关于爱因斯坦……
1895年16岁的他报考联邦工业大学，但由于法文，植物学成绩糟糕
没有被录取，于第二年跨入苏黎世工业大学的校门，主修教育
并与欧洲第一位学数学的女大学生米列娃恋爱并生下一女
1911年前往布拉格于表妹爱尔纱搞婚外情
在上大学期间
它与瑞士的格罗斯漫，意大利的贝所经常一起交谈
三人在谈论中，20岁的爱因斯坦就表示出对于牛顿力学的质疑

1900年，爱因斯坦毕业，同时失业:L
1901年，加入瑞士国籍
1901年底，在朋友介绍下，得到了一份在专利局的工作
从1902年到1909年10月，工作了7年
同时为了贴补家用，他还做家庭教师
直到1905年，一直在没有名师的指导下，他利用业余时间作物理研究
于1905年3月，将自己的一篇《关于光的产生和转化的一个启发性观点》论文投递给
《物理年报》，得到刊登
从此，这个26岁的家伙，才一鸣惊人
并与1921年，因提出“波粒二向性”而获得诺贝尔奖

由于我对相对论比较感兴趣
小的时候读过一些这方面的书
所以对爱因斯坦的生平也略有所闻
他对牛顿体系产生怀疑的时候只有20岁
即使是在他的理论在1908年得到试验证明时，对于物理界他依然是新手
而且他是在1912年才当上的教授
希望楼上
能够在调查事实后在作结论，不要主观主义

欢迎留链互拍


关于例子
个人认为能够自圆其说就行，不一定掉入论证不够例子凑的怪圈
如果一段文章中有三分之二得例子，加上ts和conclusion就是一段论证了么？
我觉得论证一定要占大头……不然就不是论证文，而是例子分析文[了吧/color]

[ 本帖最后由 WWWXXX2 于 2006-8-3 12:11 编辑 ]

pewcg8UID: 2143213

谁说的没有例子就只能得4分的?
所谓举例论证,只是论证方式中的一种,而且是最无奈的一种,你无法用自己的推理是别人信服,所以举别人的例子,最终说服人的是别人,不是你自己.
我们许多网友往往在大学或者中学养成了坏习惯,动不动就是名人怎么说,名人怎么做,然后就把这些坏习惯全部搬到AW里边,并且乐此不疲!那些都是别人的想法,做法,你自己的呢?
而且更严重的是,一部分网友,就是举例都举不好,堆砌了三四个名人的例子,但是和主题没有关系,或者没有通过自己的论证使他们产生关系,这样的例子,不举也罢.
希望所有的人,在批评别人之前,先好好审视一下自己.

pewcg8UID: 2143213

顶，看看到底是不是不用例子我们就不会说话了．