第三次同主题182，Pets

cellophane05UID: 2135343

时间还超了4分钟，继续努力

It is a trend to have animals in a family from countryside to urban area. Birds, cats, dogs, are becoming the member of the family, receiving love and care from their masters. Some people would argue that these relationships are superficial and even dangerous to cause some disease, while other people contend that kind relationships with animal with sanitation guarantee is necessary. I am prone to prefer the latter based following reasons.

To begin with, pets in a family can perform a role which benefits the master. Image that when you come home tiredly even with some complaint about the job, your honest dog welcome you and entertain you. Cannot you be relaxed and free from all the burdens at that moment. Indeed, the communication to your favorite pet is one of the most efficient methods to get rid of unhappiness. In addition, some pets, like dogs, can prevent your home from burgling when you are out of the family. Such a honest and dutiable home-keeper!

Another benefit involves the healthy development of children. When your child is young, you should cultivate him or her senses of love and responsibility, and the pet is the best choice. Through the company with a dog, children can realize the fun to treat animals well, thereby the love for animals takes root in their heart. Besides that, to treat the animal well needs their great patience and responsibility. By virtue of the process of feeding, bath for pets, children can gain qualities to adapt their future life.

Finally, pets have significant meaning to the old. Usually, the old lives a lonely life, and is lack of emotional exchange with others. However, an old man can obtain enormous satisfaction even the belief to live from the care of a cat. What’s more, the sensitive pet can rescue the old in some emergency, such as sudden fall, faint.

In conclusion, pets are our best friends in our daily life. The good relationship with pets makes our life more interesting and meaningful. Then, why not have a try?


8T第三期同主题写作

[ 本帖最后由 cellophane05 于 2006-8-5 19:04 编辑 ]

savagettUID: 2134686

It is a trend to have animals in a family from countryside to urban area. Birds, cats, dogs, are becoming the member(单复数一致？) of the family, receiving love and care from their masters（用的很准啊，我看到你的才发现我的错了）. Some people would argue that these relationships are superficial and even dangerous to cause some disease, while other people contend that kind relationships with animal with sanitation guarantee is necessary（with……with这个说法有点怪）. I am prone to prefer the latter based following reasons.


To begin with, pets in a family can perform a role which benefits the master. Image（imagine吧） that when you come home tiredly even with some complaint about the job, your honest dog welcome you and entertain you. Cannot you be relaxed and free from all the burdens at that moment. Indeed, the communication to your favorite pet is one of the most efficient methods to get rid of unhappiness. In addition, some pets, like dogs, can prevent your home from burgling when you are out of the family（不在家不该这么说吧）. Such a honest and dutiable home-keeper（这句话没有谓语）!
似乎单复数还是有点混 pets a role，上课的时候老师说，弄不清就全部复数比较方便


Another benefit involves the healthy development of children. When your child is young, you should cultivate him or her senses of love and responsibility, and the pet is the best choice. Through the company with a dog, children can realize the fun to treat animals well, thereby the love for animals takes root in their heart. Besides that, to treat the animal well needs their great patience and responsibility. By virtue of the process of feeding, bath for pets, children can gain qualities to adapt their future life.

Finally, pets have significant meaning to the old. Usually, the old lives a lonely life, and is lack of emotional exchange （情感交流？）with others. However, an old man can obtain enormous satisfaction even the belief to live from the care of a cat（不好意思这句也没看明白）. What’s more, the sensitive pet can rescue the old in some emergency, such as sudden fall, faint（恩但复数我也糊涂了 a fall?) .

In conclusion, pets are our best friends in our daily life. The good relationship with pets makes our life more interesting and meaningful. Then, why not have a try?

分析的很具体了，尤其是很注意连接词 in addition, what's more, indeed等的使用，我要学习一下
不过就是有几个说法要注意一点，单复数尤其。

我的
http://edu.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=508442&extra=page%3D1

applejinaziUID: 2201091

大侠：
    你练了几篇才在30分钟内写完作文的？我要一小时。。。

lily_ruoUID: 2158092

1. 第一句话from...to ...引起confusion,而且我看不出urban 和countryside对中心思想有什么贡献，建议改成类似的，there is a trend to raise pets in urban nowadays, compared to  simply in countryside in the past...
2.不是很赞同用master, 在西方这个是比较忌讳的，对动物不够尊重。
3. 为什么不先写child-adult-old, 这样会层次更清楚
It is a trend to have animals in a family from countryside to urban area. Birds, cats, dogs, are becoming the members of the family, receiving love and care(caring) from their masters. Some people would argue that these relationships are superficial and even dangerous to cause some disease, while other people contend that kind relationships with animal with sanitation(感觉用得有点重，这个词用来形容污秽的东西比较多…动物还不至于吧) guarantee is necessary. I am prone（不错） to prefer the latter based following reasons.)] c(F.O m8~ j I Q R

To begin with, pets in a family can perform a role which benefits the master. Image that when you come home tiredly even with some complaint about the job, your honest dog welcome you and entertain you. Cannot you be relaxed and free from all the burdens at that moment. Indeed, the communication to your favorite pet is one of the most efficient methods to get rid of unhappiness. In addition, some pets, like dogs, can prevent your home from burgling when you are out of the family. Such a honest and dutiable（应缴税的？） home-keeper!

Another benefit involves the healthy development of children. When your child is young, you should cultivate him or her senses of love and responsibility, and the pet is the best（太绝对） choice. Through the company（companionship） with a dog, children can realize the fun to treat animals well, thereby the love for animals takes root in their heart. Besides that, to treat the animal well (重复)needs their great patience and responsibility. By virtue of （不错，这个词组我都忘了）the process of feeding, bath for pets, children can gain qualities to adapt their future life.
"_ p2q c S
Finally, pets have significant meaning to the old. Usually, the old lives a lonely life, and is lack of emotional exchange with others. However, an old man can obtain enormous satisfaction ， even the belief to live，  from the care （不是特别恰当）of a cat. What’s more, the sensitive pet can rescue the old in some emergency, such as sudden fall, or faint.|In conclusion, pets are our best friends in our daily life. (A) The good relationship with pets makes our life more interesting and meaningful. Then, why not have a try?|

lily_ruoUID: 2158092

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2
欢迎回拍

cellophane05UID: 2135343

原帖由 applejinazi 于 2006-8-6 06:48 发表
大侠：
    你练了几篇才在30分钟内写完作文的？我要一小时。。。

我不是大虾，也不是小虾，菜鸟一个。

刚开始写是要多一点时间的，我的第一篇也用了四五十分钟。现在练了6、7篇了，有点提高，但感觉时间还是很急。practice makes perfect.
更重要的是要多总结了。

P.S.
06：48
暑假这么早就学习了，精神可嘉:)

natalie_puppyUID: 2186792

It is a trend[trend?phenomenon现象?fashion?哪个更好？] to have animals[包括老虎吗？animal 太大了吧。] in a family from countryside to urban area. Birds, cats, dogs, are becoming the member of the family, receiving love and care from their masters. Some people would argue that these relationships are superficial and even dangerous to cause some disease[+s], while other people contend that kind [of]relationships with animal with sanitation guarantee is necessary. I am prone to[good~] prefer[和prone to 重复] the latter based[on] following reasons.
To begin with, pets in a family can perform a role which benefits the master. Image that when you come home tiredly even with some complaint about the job, your honest dog welcome you and entertain you. Cannot you be relaxed and free from all the burdens at that moment.[改成?] Indeed,[indeed关系的证明缺少] the communication to your favorite pet is one of the most efficient methods to get rid of unhappiness. In addition, some pets, like dogs, can prevent your home from burgling when you are out of the family. Such a honest and dutiable[写错单词了吧] home-keeper!
Another benefit involves the healthy development of children. When your child is young, you should cultivate him or her senses of love and responsibility, and the pet is the best choice. Through the company with a dog, children can realize the fun to treat animals well, thereby the love for animals takes root[想说根深蒂固的意思？抱歉我也不会，但看你的觉得也不对。] in their heart. Besides that, to treat the animal well needs their great patience and responsibility. By virtue of the process of feeding, bath for pets, children can gain qualities to adapt their future life.
Finally, pets have significant meaning to the old. Usually, the old lives a lonely life, and is lack of emotional exchange with others. However, an old man can obtain enormous satisfaction even the belief to live from the care of a cat. What’s more, the sensitive pet can rescue the old in some emergency, such as sudden fall, faint.
In conclusion, pets are our best friends in our daily life. The good relationship with pets makes our life more interesting and meaningful. Then, why not have a try?[建议不以问句结尾，仅仅是个人观点]

总体概括：
不错，如果在考场也能写出这样水平的作文，应该5左右吧。

[ 本帖最后由 natalie_puppy 于 2006-8-6 21:56 编辑 ]

sophy-hffUID: 2233089

目前， 大家是在准备结构呢还是内容呢？

cellophane05UID: 2135343

原帖由 sophy-hff 于 2006-8-6 22:31 发表
目前， 大家是在准备结构呢还是内容呢？

结构可以很快都掌握的，现在是扫题库，练习那些理论的方法。


楼上那么多人的意见，我要好好修改
:victory: