argument76 [simle-B组] 第八次作业，砖头雨！～

applehattieUID: 2195344

限时失败！～:mad:

76.The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.

"A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin."

The arguer raises a conclusion that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin, by citing the result of the study. This argument seems reasonable at first glance, but if we exam it carefully, we would find the argument suffers from several flaws.

In the fist place, the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to validate the survey. In evaluating the evidence of the survey, one need to consider how the survey was conducted. If all the questions were leaded or relied on the self-report--the respondents give the expected answer, then the result of the survey is doubtful. Also, one need to consider how broad the survey was, maybe the number of the volunteers is real small and the participants are all young people, maybe in the 500 volunteers only 50 people response the survey. Without ruling out all the possibilities listed above, the result of the survey is unconvincing.

Secondly, We are not informed about the detailed information of the volunteers. Maybe these volunteers' skin condition were all very good before they participate the survey, after they use the Luxess for a month, there is no change about their skin. Also, maybe in a month besides using the Luxess volunteers still wash their face with another cream, and maybe they wash their face with Luxess in the morning and apply other brand face cream before they went to bed. If true, these cases would serve as good disapproval against the arguer's allegation.

Before I come to my final conclusion, I would like to point out that the claim that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin is gratuitous. A month is not a particular long time for the survey, it might be the case that in that month people eat less greasy food than before and their skin condition surely would become better, it might also be the case that besides they use the Luxess they always go to the beauty parlor to beautify their skin. So, we cannot ensure the arguer's claim is warrantable.

In sum, the argument lacks credibility because the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the analysis, the arguer need to provide sufficient information to validate the survey, also the arguer need to exclude other possible alternatives to draw such conclusion.

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

76.The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.

"A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin."

The arguer raises a conclusion that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin, by citing the result of the study. This argument seems reasonable at first glance, but if we exam it carefully, we would find the argument suffers from several flaws.开头挺好啦

In the fist place, the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to validate the survey. In evaluating the evidence of the survey, one need to consider how the survey was conducted. If all the questions [你前面只提了一个怎么执行的问题啊，怎么会all呢] were leaded or relied on the self-report--the respondents give the expected answer, then the result of the survey is doubtful. Also, one need to consider how broad the survey was, maybe the number of the volunteers is real [形容词，或indeed] small and the participants are all young people, maybe in the 500 volunteers only 50 people response the survey [太狠了吧，不过是可以的]. Without ruling out all the possibilities listed above, the result of the survey is unconvincing. [感觉第一个理由叙述的不好，这方面我也不行，改天研究一下北美范文]

Secondly, We are not informed about the detailed information of the volunteers. Maybe these volunteers' skin condition were all very good before they participate the survey, after they use the Luxess for a month, there is no change about their skin. Also, maybe in a month besides using the Luxess volunteers still wash their face with another cream, and maybe they wash their face with Luxess in the morning and apply other brand face cream before they went to bed [这两句话有些地方重复，其实你只是想说volunteer可能用了其他化妆品，后面一句够了]. If true, these cases would serve as good disapproval against the arguer's allegation.

Before I come to my final conclusion, I would like to point out that the claim that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin is gratuitous. A month is not a particular long time for the survey, it might be the case that in that month people eat less greasy food than before and their skin condition surely would become better, it might also be the case that besides they use the Luxess they always go to the beauty parlor to beautify their skin. So, we cannot ensure the arguer's claim is warrantable. [这一段TS说的东西太泛，其实时间短还是那个study的问题，就是时效不行，没什么好说的；而且后面的理由吃less greasy food 和去beauty parlor 可以和volunteer的信息不明一块说；]

In sum, the argument lacks credibility because the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the analysis, the arguer need to provide sufficient information to validate the survey, also the arguer need to exclude other possible alternatives to draw such conclusion.

写的不错哈
1 感觉这篇A挺怪的，好像很简单但是不好写。
2 我个人认为主要有两个地方有问题，一个是那个study,另外一个是improvement in the way their skin looked and felt和improving the condition of facial skin不是完全等同的，就是说即使调查结果正确，结论也不是充分成立的，不知道你怎么看

yxjessieUID: 194526

76.The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.

"A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin."

The arguer raises a conclusion that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin, by citing the result of the study. This argument seems reasonable at first glance, but if we exam it carefully, we would find the argument suffers from several flaws.

In the fist place, the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to validate the survey. In evaluating the evidence of the survey, one needs to consider how the survey was conducted. If all the questions were leaded (led) or relied on the self-report--the respondents give (gave) the expected answer, then the result of the survey is doubtful. Also, one needs to consider how broad the survey was(你确定这样写可以吗？我觉得写成how many people were included in the survey比较保险), maybe the number of the volunteers is real (real这样用恰当否？） small and the participants are all young people, and maybe in the 500 volunteers only 50 people response the survey. Without ruling out all the possibilities listed above, the result of the survey is unconvincing.

Secondly, We are not informed about the detailed information of the volunteers. Maybe these volunteers' skin condition were all very good before they participate the survey, after they use the Luxess for a month, there is no change about their skin. (文章都说change了，你应该加上一句although they think their skin condition improved by their own)Also, (also 用at the same time换)maybe in a month besides using the Luxess volunteers still wash their face with another cream（cream一般指霜啊这类擦脸的，不是用来洗脸的，洗脸的用cleanser或者soap，呵呵）, and maybe they wash their face with Luxess in the morning and apply other brand face cream before they went to bed. If true, these cases would serve as good disapproval against the arguer's allegation.（没有提那个mild soap可能是原因）

Before I come to my final conclusion, I would like to point out that（that去掉） the claim that the Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin is gratuitous. A month is not a particular long time for the survey, it might be the case that in that month people eat less greasy food than before and their skin condition surely would become better, （是否换成their skin condition became better is due to the less greasy food they had会好些？）it might also be the case that besides they use the Luxess they always go to the beauty parlor to beautify their skin. So, we cannot ensure the arguer's claim is warrantable.

In sum, the argument lacks credibility because the arguer fails to provide substantial evidence to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the analysis, the arguer needs to provide sufficient information to validate the survey, also the arguer need to exclude other possible alternatives to draw such conclusion. （你这样结尾模版痕迹太重，应该至少加一点文章的内容比如或具体建议什么的。）

我发现你单数第三人称的动词总忘加s，已经改了但没标出来，以后要注意。
看得出这篇是限时写得。我知道你快要考试了，但千万别着急，一急写文章就容易思路乱了。还好这篇思路还是很清晰， 就是里面的语句有些安排不好。