issue61 Nobel Prize 继续考前冲刺 互拍~~

dicmiUID: 183392

TOPIC: ISSUE61 - "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."

In any area, it is easy for us to identify those high-profile awards set to award those outstanding individuals or groups who made contribution to certain areas. Yet, an undeniable fact is that not everybody could receive such awards. Then does this seemingly frustrate fact justify the allegation that those awards are detrimental to society for superficially inequity? As for me, I fundamentally cannot agree with such an assertion insofar it simplistically evaluate the significance of those awards. The awards have a much more far-reaching inherent meaning actually.

Truly, only a few people deserve those awards which in return makes awards seems prohibitive to majority of people. Indisputably, aside from those minorities who get awards, there are also lots of people who work in the same area, undergo suffering experiences, make arduous endeavors, but do not attain the same goals as people who are awarded. In this case, they are very likely to complain like that: "I did the same job like Einstein. The reason why he got the Nobel Prize while I did not must be he is the Fortune's child". Subsequently, for the reason that they did not awarded for their handwork, they feel frustrated by the result and lose any courage to go on any research. In this sense, it is seemingly such high-profile awards which are confined to only a few people exert negative effects on other people who are still striving for the same goals, discouraging them, or even frustrating them.

However, awards cannot be considered as the only things that drive people to endeavor; rather, great individuals awarded mainly due to their outstanding spirits rather than countable contribution. Focusing only on awards instead of process, those people are sheer utilitarian who are doomed to be left behind with nothing to achieve for their short-sightedness. Contrarily to that, does Einstein do his research in an attempt to Nobel Prize? Does Mother Teresa save many poor children also in an attempt for Nobel Prize? Absolutely, none of them make endeavors merely for the awards; instead, they work hard, strives to perfect, and then make contribution to society are not for awards but for their self-fulfillment as members of holistic society. It is their noble spirit rather than countable contributions that earn their awards. If not, the Nobel Prize for Peace should be awarded to Bill Gates who donates much more money than Mother Teresa for the purpose of charity. Given they are not awarded, outstanding people will never hesitate to continue their work, after all, awards merely represent nothing but their past history. Hence, when comparing with those frustrated people, obviously, what those genuine great people demonstrate are much more significant and meaningful than that of awards, in that their glorious spirits shed light on the way to success that ordinary people are taking now.

Deep down, by awarding those outstanding figures, society not only awards great individuals themselves but also setup prominent heroes or heroines for public. Needless to say, those paradigms could have profound influence on followers by granting them courage, teaching them perseverance, as well as pointing out correct ways leading to final success. To illustrate, one chemist who won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry can serve an apt example to this point. When he was interviewed, he said that, ever since he initiated chemical research in this area, he was deeply motivated by his predecessors and set his goal to surpass them. Extending this example to a wider spectrum, it is impossible to overlook such overwhelming stimulation function bestowed by those elites. Virtually all of us have own idols to follow, to study, to surpass, in which way we get confidence as well as courage to overcome obstacles on our way. Therefore, with regard to infinite decisive role paradigms play in our life, the far-reaching significance of awards cannot be overemphasized too much.

To summarize my analysis, when conceding at the first glance awards may frustrate people; however, it can spur us to endeavor if properly handled. The awards serve as indispensable part in creating paradigms contemporaries can follow.


希望批改的时候帮我看看哪些是废话，哪些地方重复了。。
我限时又不成功了。。。怀疑是废话太多了。。。

谢谢：）

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我来看看

pewcg8UID: 2143213

TOPIC: ISSUE61 - "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."

In any area, it is easy for us to identify those high-profile awards set to award those outstanding individuals or groups who made contribution to certain areas.(重复词汇,those和wards,而且本句说的是有点罗嗦.) Yet, an undeniable fact is that not everybody could receive such awards. (还是有点废.我建议这两句直接去掉)Then does this seemingly frustrate fact justify the allegation that those awards are detrimental to society for superficially inequity? As for me, I fundamentally cannot agree with such an assertion insofar it simplistically evaluate the significance of those awards. The awards have a much more far-reaching inherent meaning actually. (按照你的要求,主要看的是重复和罗嗦的问题,既然你觉得罗嗦,那么建议开头不要这样写,第一句,第二句是背景和过渡第三句直接写THesis.用中文就这样说:大家现在很关注诺贝尔奖.人们对诺贝尔奖有一些担心.我认为这些担心多余,因为诺贝尔奖有更深远的意义.三句话,开头结束,同时符合要求.)

Truly, only a few people deserve those awards which in return makes awards seems prohibitive to majority of people. Indisputably, (句式重复,两个连续的副词开头的句子)aside from those minorities who get awards, there are also lots of people who work in the same area, undergo suffering experiences, make arduous endeavors, but do not attain the same goals as people who are awarded. In this case, they are very likely to complain like that: "I did the same job like Einstein. The reason why he got the Nobel Prize while I did not must be he is the Fortune's child". Subsequently, for the reason that they did not awarded for their handwork, they feel frustrated by the result and lose any courage to go on any research. In this sense, it is seemingly such high-profile awards which are confined to only a few people exert negative effects on other people who are still striving for the same goals, discouraging them, or even frustrating them. (本句套的长了,直接留下主干)
(本段只帮你省了不到15个词,下面继续努力)

However, awards cannot be considered as the only things that drive people to endeavor; rather, great individuals awarded mainly due to their outstanding spirits rather than countable contribution. Focusing only on awards instead of process, those people are sheer utilitarian who are doomed to be left behind with nothing to achieve for their short-sightedness. Contrarily to that, does Einstein do his research in an attempt to Nobel Prize? Does Mother Teresa save many poor children also in an attempt for Nobel Prize? Absolutely, none of them make endeavors merely for the awards; instead, they work hard, strives to perfect, and then make contribution to society are not for awards but for their self-fulfillment as members of holistic society. It is their noble spirit rather than countable contributions that earn their awards. If not, the Nobel Prize for Peace should be awarded to Bill Gates who donates much more money than Mother Teresa for the purpose of charity. (删掉,没必要画蛇添足,上面的论述足够好了)Given they are not awarded, outstanding people will never hesitate to continue their work, after all, awards merely represent nothing but their past history. Hence, when comparing with those frustrated people, obviously, what those genuine great people demonstrate are much more significant and meaningful than that of awards, in that their glorious spirits shed light on the way to success that ordinary people are taking now.

Deep down, by awarding those outstanding figures, society not only awards great individuals themselves but also setup prominent heroes or heroines for public. Needless to say, those paradigms could have profound influence on followers by granting them courage, teaching them perseverance, as well as pointing out correct ways leading to final success. To illustrate, one chemist who won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry can serve an apt example to this point. When he was interviewed, he said that, ever since he initiated chemical research in this area, he was deeply motivated by his predecessors and set his goal to surpass them. Extending this example to a wider spectrum, it is impossible to overlook such overwhelming stimulation function bestowed by those elites. Virtually all of us have own idols to follow, to study, to surpass, in which way we get confidence as well as courage to overcome obstacles on our way. Therefore, with regard to infinite decisive role paradigms play in our life, the far-reaching significance of awards cannot be overemphasized too much.

To summarize my analysis, (继续删,大家都知道最后的段落是在summarize my analysis,这个不要写了)when conceding at the first glance awards may frustrate people; however, it can spur us to endeavor if properly handled. The awards serve as indispensable part in creating paradigms contemporaries can follow.

大概删掉50词,不知道够不?
总体来说写的很好,观点很能体现coherence.语法等错误不多,很流畅.
缺点就是你自己说的,废话不少,特别是开头和第二段,看起来虽然很清楚，但是觉得罗嗦,第二段论证的过长,没必要,说明了你的TOPIC就可以了.

wp123UID: 2187508

晚上回来帮改.

dicmiUID: 183392

谢谢Peter，一修。。。

快考了。。又开始限时不成功了。。。我ft了

————————————————————

TOPIC: ISSUE61 - "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."

It is undeniable fact that those high-profiled awards are only belong to minority people while prohibitive to majority people. Then does this seemingly frustrating fact justify the allegation that those awards are detrimental to society for superficially inequity? As for me, I fundamentally cannot agree with such an assertion insofar awards have a much more far-reaching inherent meaning actually.

Truly, only a few people deserve those awards which in return makes awards seems prohibitive to majority of people. Aside from those minorities who get awards, undoubtedly, there are also lots of people who work in the same area, undergo suffering experiences, make arduous endeavors, but do not attain the same goals as people who are awarded. In this case, they are very likely to complain like that: "I did the same job like Einstein. The reason why he got the Nobel Prize while I did not must be he is the Fortune's child". Subsequently, for the reason that they did not awarded for their handwork, they feel frustrated by the result and lose any courage to go on any research. In this sense, it is seemingly such high-profile awards exert certain negative effects on other people, in term of discouraging them, frustrating them, or even defeated them.

However, awards cannot be considered as the only things that drive people to endeavor; rather, great individuals awarded mainly due to their outstanding spirits rather than countable contribution. Focusing only on awards instead of process, those people are sheer utilitarian who are doomed to be left behind with nothing to achieve for their short-sightedness. Contrarily to that, does Einstein do his research in an attempt to Nobel Prize? Does Mother Teresa save many poor children also in an attempt for Nobel Prize? Absolutely, none of them make endeavors merely for the awards; instead, they work hard, strives to perfect, and then make contribution to society are not for awards but for their self-fulfillment as members of holistic society. It is their noble spirit rather than countable contributions that earn their awards. Even if they are not awarded, outstanding people will never hesitate to continue their work, after all, awards merely represent nothing but their past history. Hence, when comparing with those frustrated people, obviously, what those genuine great people demonstrate are much more significant and meaningful than that of awards, in that their glorious spirits shed light on the way to success that ordinary people are taking now.

Deep down, by awarding those outstanding figures, society not only awards great individuals themselves but also setup prominent heroes or heroines for public. Needless to say, those paradigms could have profound influence on followers by granting them courage, teaching them perseverance, as well as pointing out correct ways leading to final success. To illustrate, one chemist who won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry can serve an apt example to this point. When he was interviewed, he said that, ever since he initiated chemical research in this area, he was deeply motivated by his predecessors and set his goal to surpass them. Extending this example to a wider spectrum, it is impossible to overlook such overwhelming stimulation function bestowed by those elites. Virtually all of us have own idols to follow, to study, to surpass, in which way we get confidence as well as courage to overcome obstacles on our way. Therefore, with regard to infinite decisive role paradigms play in our life, the far-reaching significance of awards cannot be overemphasized too much.

To summarize, when conceding at the first glance awards may frustrate people; however, it can spur us to endeavor if properly handled. The awards serve as indispensable part in creating paradigms contemporaries can follow.

sarahzhanUID: 2111348

说明你在经历“螺旋式上升”的阶段 hoho
+U
bless~

jallineUID: 2192970

dicmi加油~~~
hold住

pewcg8UID: 2143213

咱们这个帖子里的都是最近作文版的活跃分子,互相鼓励!!!

wp123UID: 2187508

TOPIC: ISSUE61 - "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."

It is undeniable fact删除fact that those high-profiled awards are only belongbelong是动词.be删除 to minority people while prohibitive to majority people.改成them Then does this seemingly frustrating fact justify the allegation that those awards are detrimental to society for superficially inequity? As for me, I fundamentally cannot agree with such an assertion insofar awards have a much more far-reaching inherent meaning actually.

Truly, only a few people deserve those awards which in return makess删除 awards seems prohibitive to 加the, of前面的名词要加themajority of people. Aside from those minoritiesminorities删除,those已经可以表达了。 who get awards, undoubtedly, there are also lots of people who work in the same area, undergo suffering experiences, make arduous endeavors, but do not attain the same goalsgoal不好,这个是目标,应该是结果吧. as people who are awarded. In this case, they are very likely to complain like that: "I did the same job like Einstein. The reason why he got the Nobel Prize while I did not must be he is the Fortune's child". Subsequently, for the reason that they did not awarded for their handwork, they feel frustrated by the result and lose anyany去掉 courage to go on any research. In this sense, it is seeminglyly删除,that such high-profile awards exert certain negative effects on other people, in term of discouraging them, frustrating them, or even defeateddefeating,平行结构 them.

However, awards cannot be considered as the only things that drive people to endeavor; rather, great individuals awarded mainly due to their outstanding spirits rather than countable contribution. Focusing only on awards instead of process, those people are sheer utilitarian who are doomed to be left behind with nothing to achieve for their short-sightedness. Contrarily to that, does Einstein do his research in an attempt to Nobel Prize? Does Mother Teresa save many poor children also in an attempt for Nobel Prize? Absolutely, none of them make endeavors merely for the awards; instead, they work hard, strives单数 to perfect, and then make contribution to society areare删除 not for awards but for their self-fulfillment as members of holistic society. It is their noble spirits rather than countable contributions that earn their awards. Even if they are not awarded, outstanding people will never hesitate to continue their work, after all, awards merely represent nothing but their past history. Hence, when comparing with those frustrated people, obviously, what those genuine great people demonstrate are much more significant and meaningful than that of awards, in that their glorious spirits shed light on the way to success that ordinary people are taking now.

Deep down, by awarding those outstanding figures, society not only awards great individuals themselves but also setup prominent heroes or heroines for public. Needless to say, those paradigms could have profound influence on followers by granting them courage, teaching them perseverance, as well as pointing out correct ways leading to final success. To illustrate, one chemist who won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry can serve an apt example to this point. When he was interviewed, he said that, ever since he initiated chemical research in this area, he was deeply motivated by his predecessors and set his goal to surpass them. Extending this example to a wider spectrum, it is impossible to overlook such overwhelming stimulation function bestowed by those elites. Virtually all of us have own idols to follow, to study, to surpass, in which way we get confidence as well as courage to overcome obstacles on our way. Therefore, with regard to infinite decisive role paradigms play in our life, the far-reaching significance of awards cannot be overemphasized too much.

To summarize, when conceding at the first glance awards may frustrate people; however, it can spur us to endeavor if properly handled. The awards serve as anindispensable part in creating paradigms contemporaries cancan删除 follow.

常用的熟悉的词汇就那么多,做到不想直接写,应该能节省时间吧.多练习这个吧.强迫自己不能超时一下。

dicmiUID: 183392

感动下~~
谢谢Jalline，peter，一修，sara，irislab
（排名不分先后哈）

Thanks：）

[ 本帖最后由 dicmi 于 2006-8-19 21:37 编辑 ]

pewcg8UID: 2143213

大家都去让我也感动一下

dicmiUID: 183392

peter给个链接哈~~

互相支持~~

顺便纪念下:D

sarahzhanUID: 2111348

我一直在wonder为什么大家不仅喜欢把我的中文名写错还喜欢缩减我的英文名~
在这里clarify一下
sarah+zhan
hoho
谢谢~
不过其实sara也可以~
sara=sarah
就是看着不如sarah习惯

dicmiUID: 183392

嘿嘿。mm啥名字？

PM我，我保证不会叫错