Argu186 [Shining Sep 作文组] 8.30

Ajax555UID: 2241288

规定时间写了380个字，限时就是压力大啊，差点没看到是汽车公司的例子用在印刷厂，超时5分钟修改加完善，不知道抓住主要矛盾没有。


TOPIC: ARGUMENT186 - The following is a recommendation from the director of personnel to the president of Professional Printing Company.

"In a recent telephone survey of automobile factory workers, older employees were less likely to report that having a supervisor present increases their productivity. Among workers aged 18 to 29, 27 percent said that they are more productive in the presence of their immediate supervisor, compared to 12 percent for those aged 30 or over, and only 8 percent for those aged 50 or over. Clearly, if our printing company hires mainly older employees, we will increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors."
WORDS: 428          TIME: 0:35:00          DATE: 2006-8-30

In this argument, the arguer asserts that hiring mainly older employees would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. The arguer use a telephone survey to support his point. This survey indicates that having a supervisor present can not increase older employees' productivity. With a exact examination, the conclusion in the argument is not reasonable.

First of all, there is no any inherent consequence among increasing productivity, saving money and hiring older employees. The survey just can prove that supervisors can not stimulate the older employees to work harder. There is no evidence to demonstrate that the productivity of young employees without supervising is less than that of old employees. If the profit which young employees can make under supervising is much higher than the cost of hiring supervisors, hiring young employees would increase company's profit better. On the contrary, if the company hires mainly older employees, although company can save the money for hiring supervisors, the productivity may be less than that of hiring young employees and the profit would be diminished too.

Second, the telephone survey may be biased and incomplete. Did it investigate employees all over the factory? Is it credible?  Moreover, the total amounts of employees in different ages are not indicated in this argument. If the amount of older employees is much more than the young and only few of them was investigated, the result of this telephone survey is inaccurate. Otherwise, if the amount of young employees is very small, the high percentage also can not prove that supervisors can encourage young employees to work harder is a usual situation. Hence, the percentages in the argument seem clear, but they can not support the arguer's view strongly.

Finally, the arguer uses a example of automobile factory workers to support that the changing would be effective in the printing company. It is unreasonable, because they are two different companies. The circumstance of the workshop, the work experience, and the working intensity are totally different. The requirement of each company may be not same. If the automobile factory need young vigorous employees, but the printing company need older experienced employees, the survey can not be the evidence which the arguer used to prove his point.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to make a fair survey. To better evaluate the argument, we would need some proof that hiring old employees can save money and increase productivity.

MagicGlaiveUID: 2112081

In this argument, the arguer asserts that hiring mainly older employees would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. The arguer use a telephone survey to support his point. This survey indicates that having a supervisor present can not increase older employees' productivity这句话可以和上一句合成一句长句子:)会显得好很多～. With a exact examination, the conclusion in the argument is not reasonable.

First of all, there is no any inherent consequence among increasing productivity, saving money and hiring older employees三个之间的联系？？有点混乱. The survey just can prove that supervisors can not stimulate the older employees to work harder. There is no evidence to demonstrate that the productivity of young employees without supervising is less than that of old employees. If the profit which young employees can make under supervising is much higher than the cost of hiring supervisors, hiring young employees would increase company's profit better. On the contrary, if the company hires mainly older employees, although company can save the money for hiring supervisors, the productivity may be less than that of hiring young employees and the profit would be diminished too.最好提一下可能年轻人比较有活力什么的

Secondly, the telephone survey may be biased and incomplete个人感觉这点应该先批，毕竟是一个前提，它先倒了，后面也就顺其自然没有什么道理了. Did it investigate employees all over the factory? Is it credible?  Moreover, the total amounts of employees in different ages are not indicated in this argument. If the amount of older employees is much more than the young and only few of them was investigated, the result of this telephone survey is inaccurate. Otherwise, if the amount of young employees is very small, the high percentage also can not prove that supervisors can encourage young employees to work harder is a usual situation.个人认为，就算人数不是问题，调查说的是比例，你可以批它样本量不够，但是不应该说因为老年人多所以比例不可信 Hence, the percentages in the argument seem clear, but they can not support the arguer's view strongly.

Finally, the arguer uses a example of automobile factory workers to support that the changing would be effective in the printing company. It is unreasonable, because they are two different kind of companies. The circumstance of the workshop, the work experience, and the working intensity are totally different. The requirement of each company may be not same. If the automobile factory need young vigorous employees, but the printing company need older experienced employees, the survey can not be the evidence which the arguer used to prove his point.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to make a fair survey. To better evaluate the argument, we would need some proof that hiring old employees can save money and increase productivity.ft，这个结尾模版和我的一摸一样，看来我要改改我的了...

flycc28UID: 2164453

In this argument, the arguer asserts that hiring mainly older employees would increase productivity and save money because of the reduced need for supervisors. The arguer use a telephone survey to support his point. This survey indicates that having a supervisor present can not increase older employees' productivity. With a---->an exact examination, the conclusion in the argument is not reasonable.

First of all, there is no any 要么就NOT ANY 或者就NO inherent consequence among increasing productivity, saving money and hiring older employees. The survey just can prove that supervisors can not stimulate the older employees to work harder. There is no evidence to demonstrate that the productivity of young employees without supervising is less than that of old employees. If the profit which young employees can make under supervising is much higher than the cost of hiring supervisors, hiring young employees would increase company's profit better. 这句有逻辑漏洞了~年轻的赚的比用的多,多多少?比老的多?herring young, On the contrary, if the company hires mainly older employees, although company can save the money for hiring supervisors, the productivity may be less than that of hiring young employees and the profit would be diminished too. 这句其实是文章的conclusion, 年轻的赚的多就能说明老的productivity低?


Second, the telephone survey may be biased and incomplete. Did it investigate employees all over the factory? Is it credible?  Moreover, the total amounts of employees in different ages are not indicated in this argument. If the amount of older employees is much more than the young and only few of them was investigated, the result of this telephone survey is inaccurate. Otherwise, if the amount of young employees is very small, the high percentage also can not prove that supervisors can encourage young employees to work harder is a usual situation. Hence, the percentages in the argument seem clear, but they can not support the arguer's view strongly.

Finally, the arguer uses a example of automobile factory workers to support that the changing would be effective in the printing company. It is unreasonable, because they are two different companies. The circumstance of the workshop, the work experience, and the working intensity are totally different. The requirement of each company may be not same. If the automobile factory need young vigorous employees, but the printing company need older experienced employees, the survey can not be the evidence which the arguer used to prove his point.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility because the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to make a fair survey. To better evaluate the argument, we would need some proof that hiring old employees can save money and increase productivity.

BODY的后两段说的清楚~B1就差一些~
PS:文章的结论profit 和 productivity没点出来~