Argument147 只有两天了，还可以改进吗？

lxmsosUID: 2133854

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 461          TIME: 12:30:00 AM          DATE: 03/09/2006

The editorial asserted that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support his conclusion, he seems to provide some convincing reasons. However, after careful consideration, it is easy to find out several flaws in it.
     
First of all, the validity of the survey which indicated the game players prefer the games with lifelike graphics feature is doubtful. How many people were involved in this survey? What are the ages and backgrounds of them? Do they really have lots of games playing experience so that their answers can reflect the opinion of most game players? Also, was the design of the survey reasonable? What if it contained some leading questions? Thus, before answering these questions clearly, it is not wise to draw the conclusion since the validity of the sources itself is questionable.
Even if the survey represents the ideas of most game players, the increase sales of Whirlwind video games in near future are not necessarily true. Just as what the editorial mentioned, the majority of game players aged 10 to 25. It is highly possible that this group of game players cannot afford the most up-to-date computers which are required for lifelike graphics games due to lack of money so that they will not buy the lifelike graphics games at all.  

Also, the extensive advertising may not work well to make people buy the games. Besides there are advertisements everywhere, how many people today really believe what the advertisements say? It is entirely possible that the influence of the advertisements is so small that game players still do not want to buy Whirlwind games. Moreover, the majority of game players aged 10 to 25 are in their rebellious time of their life. So too much advertisement may cause them hate Whirlwind games.

Last but not least, even if the advertisements work and game players really want to buy more lifelike games, there is not guarantee that the sales of Whirlwind will increase dramatically in the next few months since other factors which influence the sales of the games should be considered, such as the saturation of the market and the activities of competitors. If many game producers also realized the trend that lifelike graphics games are getting more and more popular, they may design the similar kinds of games, so among which it is entirely possible that better designed or less costly games are produced. Because of the competition of others companies, Whirlwind games may be not increase their sales. Due to the competition, even if it does increase, it is highly likely not to increase as great as they were expected.   

To sum up, before the conclusion is drawn, the possibilities I mentioned above should be taken into account.

( 结尾不大会写，这样算不算草草了事？)

[ 本帖最后由 lxmsos 于 2006-9-5 18:58 编辑 ]

lxmsosUID: 2133854

karen0307UID: 2209695

结尾应该怎么写呢

zdc06UID: 2238647

结尾应先指出论据对整个ARGUMENT证明不充足,然后是提出改进,To better evaluate the argument 或to bolster the arguement ,the arguer would have to ~~~~ (这里一般是需要提供哪些更详细的信息才能使文章具有说服力,一般是根据你所批的那些地方缺乏之处来写)before making the conclusion
结尾多写的,一方面能提出自己的观点,如何改进
另一方面还能多写点字,最好别草率了事~

另外,你的开头段有点过于简练,最好是稍微分析一下题目,然后简单写一下题目主要错在哪里,最好是能与下面你所写的几处错误对应一下最好,这样考官在看的时候就会比较明了~

反正现在时间紧的话,大体上是没的改了,不如把重点放在开头和结尾处,特别是开头,要指代清楚比较好~
个人意见都是,希望能有帮助~

[ 本帖最后由 zdc06 于 2006-9-8 00:00 编辑 ]

lxmsosUID: 2133854

嗯，感谢楼上的指点，虽然论证的内容更重要，也不可草率收笔！

谢谢了，就去了！