Issue130 【南智小组 Ramana第九次作业】期待板砖！

RamanaUID: 2208102

130　"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益。
时间：60分钟  字数：588

Education is a universal and never outdated topic in people's daily life. The progress of the society depends on the endeavor of the people of the whole country, and the destiny of society is determined by the ability of the children. How to raise our children in the best way that they can fully develop their ability well and adapt the society is the matter that we have not dealt well with. Everybody has his own different opinion based on his own reason.

A few people consider that the school is only the place to transfer the knowledge which consists of the variety of kinds of science and liberal arts. It is not necessary to train the children the ability of socialization in the special way, this ability that children can learn when taking part in the activities or participating in some interesting group. This ability should be learned from the social experience rather than the book, it can not be appreciated or mastered through speak teaching, only the personal experience is the best way of learning. So the people who have this kind of opinion think there is no need for children to have good grades in the school, they oppose the burden of the huge homework and the pressure of entering the higher school and career that can made the children lose the opportunities to develop their socialized ability and always keep themselves in the tower of ivory.

In addition, there still exists the opinion that the knowledge is vital to the destiny of the society, the higher degree you own the better you will accommodate the society. So to be a useful man, you should learn harder and harder in the school, good at the varieties of major subjects such as math, physics, foreign language, chemistry and so on. The score is the only way that can weigh whether you are useful or not, and the certificate is the only thing you can display yourself and the employer can decide employ you or not. The extracurricular activities and sports and interesting groups are of no sense except wasting time. So they wonder teachers assign lots of homework which can make sure children have good scores to enter a higher and better school.

Moreover, more people have the opinion that different the above mentioned. They think the scores and the abilities of socialization are both important, we just should make a balance between them. Admittly, school is the place where children can inherit the knowledge and teachers can teach them how to become a man and how to be a better man, but this is not enough, the people is a social creature, he should involved in the society, he will be affected by the people around him and the parents who are his first and longer teacher than anyone else, so it is not the duty only in the school has a responsibility to train well the children, but also the parents and the community. This is an ideal condition, but how to put it into practice is a hard work. We can not bias to either side, and can not ignore the either side. No perfect method has been thought about.

In the sum, we know the train of ability of socialization is central to the development of the children who will enter the society one day, and even have a connection with the progress of the society, so this is the urgent issue we are now facing needed solved the sooner the better.

RamanaUID: 2208102

顶

淡淡飞过UID: 2276792

明天传，文章已保存

alive1986UID: 2241739

顶，先收了

RamanaUID: 2208102

waiting :)

alive1986UID: 2241739

Education is a universal and never outdated topic in people's daily life. The progress of the society depends on the endeavor of the people of the whole country, and the destiny of society is determined by the ability of the children. How to raise our children in the best way that they can fully develop their ability well and adapt the society is the matter that we have not dealt well with. Everybody has his own different opinion based on his own reason.（这里应直接提出自己的观点）

A few people consider that the school is only the place to transfer the knowledge which consists of the variety of kinds of science and liberal arts. It is not necessary to train the children the ability of socialization in the special way, this ability that children can learn when taking part in the activities or participating in some interesting groups. This ability should be learned from the social experience rather than the book, it can not be appreciated or mastered through speak teaching, only the personal experience is the best way of learning. So the people who have this kind of opinion think there is no need for children to have good grades in the school, they oppose the burden of the huge homework and the pressure of entering the higher school and career that can made the children lose the opportunities to develop their socialized ability and always keep themselves in the tower of ivory.（这段的问题和首段一样：始终见到“A few people consider ”“the people who have this kind of opinion think”“they oppose ”，就是没有看见“In my point of view”，应表达自己的看法）

In addition, there still exists the opinion that the knowledge is vital to the destiny of the society, the higher degree you own the better you will accommodate the society. So to be a useful man, you should learn harder and harder in the school, good at the varieties of major subjects such as math, physics, foreign language, chemistry and so on. The score is the only way that can weigh whether you are useful or not, and the certificate is the only thing you can display yourself and the employer can decide employ you or not. The extracurricular activities and sports and interesting groups are of no sense except wasting time. So they wonder teachers assign lots of homework which can make sure children have good scores to enter a higher and better school.（你对此的看法呢？）

Moreover, more people have the opinion that different from the above mentioned. They think the scores and the abilities of socialization are both important, we just should make a balance between them. Admittly, school is the place where children can inherit the knowledge and teachers can teach them how to become a man and how to be a better man, but this is not enough, the people is a social creature, he should involved in the society, he will be affected by the people around him and the parents who are his first and longer teacher than anyone else, so it is not the duty only in the school has a responsibility to train well the children, but also the parents and the community. This is an ideal condition, but how to put it into practice is a hard work. We can not bias to either side, and can not ignore the either side. No perfect method has been thought about.

In the sum, we know the train of ability of socialization is central to the development of the children who will enter the society one day, and even have a connection with the progress of the society, so this is the urgent issue we are now facing needed solved the sooner the better.（本文除最后两段外最后大多都是在分析现状而不是表达自己的观点，现突然发现我的这篇文章也存在和你类似问题，得好好改改）

作文版全体版主UID: 2102351

130　"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益。
时间：60分钟  字数：588

Education is a universal and never outdated topic in people's daily life. The progress of the society depends on the endeavor of the people of the whole country, and the destiny of society is determined by the ability of the children. How to raise our children in the best way that they can fully develop their ability well and adapt the society is the matter that we have not dealt well with. Everybody has his own different opinion based on his own reason.第一段的前2句话将题目的大概意思转述了一下，不过觉得意义不大。个人觉得开头尽量将自己对这个问题的观点说明，这里你没有点明。

A few people consider that the school is only the 【去掉】place to transfer the knowledge which consists of the variety of kinds of 【different kinds of】science and liberal arts. It is not necessary to train the children the ability of socialization in the special way, this ability that children can learn when taking part in the activities or participating in some interesting group. This ability should be learned from the social experience rather than the book, it can not be appreciated or mastered through speak teaching【speaking teach】, only the personal experience is the best way of learning. So the people who have this kind of opinion think there is no need for children to have good grades in the school, they oppose the burden of the huge homework and the pressure of entering the higher school and career that can made the children lose the opportunities to develop their socialized ability and always keep themselves in the tower of ivory.本段没有TS句，只有理论的解释和叙述，缺乏具体例子的说明

In addition, there still exists the opinion that the knowledge is vital to the destiny of the【去掉】 society, the higher degree you own 【,】the better you will accommodate 【adapt to】the society. So to be a useful man, you should learn harder and harder in the 【去掉】school, good at the varieties of major subjects such as math, physics, foreign language【languages】, chemistry and so on. The score is the only way that can weigh whether you are useful or not, and the certificate is the only thing you can display yourself and the employer can decide employ you or not. The extracurricular activities and sports and interesting groups are of no sense except wasting time. So they wonder teachers assign lots of homework which can make sure children have good scores to enter a higher and better school.这一段只有说理没有具体例子的支撑，显的很苍白

Moreover, more people have the opinion that different the above mentioned. They think the scores and the abilities of socialization are both important, we just should make a balance between them. Admittly, school is the place where children can inherit 【learn】the knowledge and teachers can teach them how to become a man and how to be a better 【good】man, but this is not enough, the people is a social creature, he 【they】should involved 【involve】in the society, he 【they】will be affected by the people around him and the parents who are his first and longer teacher than anyone else, so it is not the duty only in the school has a responsibility to train well the children, but also the parents and the community. This is an ideal condition, but how to put it into practice is a hard work. We can not bias to either side, and can not ignore the either side. No perfect method has been thought about.

In the sum, we know the train of ability of socialization is central to the development of the children who will enter the society one day, and even have a connection with the progress of the society, so this is the urgent issue we are now facing needed solved the sooner the better

建议以后每段最好以这样的方式展开：段首TS句――》理论叙述――》具体例子――》例子分析――》总结。否则只是说理很难服人的。

norman518UID: 188582

Education is a universal and never outdated topic in people's daily life. The progress of the society [socialization] depends on the endeavor of the people of the whole country, and the destiny of society is determined by the ability of the children. How to raise our children in the best way that they can fully develop their ability well and adapt the society is the matter that we have not dealt well with. Everybody has his own different opinion based on his own reason.

A few people consider that the school is only the place to transfer the knowledge which consists of the variety of kinds of science and liberal arts. It is not necessary to train the children the ability of socialization in the special way, this ability that children can learn when taking part in the activities or participating in some interesting group. This ability should be learned from the social experience rather than the book, it can not be appreciated or mastered through speak teaching [lecture], only the personal experience is the best way of learning. So the [these] people who have this kind of opinion think there is no need for children to have good grades in the school, they oppose the burden of the huge homework and the pressure of entering the higher school and career that can made the children lose the opportunities to develop their socialized ability and always keep themselves in the tower of ivory.

In addition, there still exists the opinion that the knowledge is vital to the destiny of the society, the higher degree you own the better you will accommodate the society. So to be a useful man [+ or woman], you should learn harder and harder in the school, good at the varieties of major subjects such as math, physics, foreign language, chemistry and so on. The score is the only way [standard/criterion] that can weigh [judge/identify] whether you are useful or not, and the certificate is the only thing you can display [illuminate] yourself and the employer can decide employ you or not. The extracurricular activities and sports and interesting groups are of no sense except wasting time [nothing at all but wasting time and energy]. So they wonder teachers assign lots of homework which can make sure children have good scores to enter a higher and better school.

Moreover, more people have the opinion that different the above mentioned [that differs from the both above mentioned]. They think the scores and the abilities of socialization are both important, we just should make a balance between them. Admittly [Admittedly], school is the place where children can inherit the knowledge [不明白你的意思，是哪个？：inherit the tradition or acquire the knowledge] and teachers can teach them how to become a man and how to be a better man, but this is not enough, the people is a social creature, he should involved in the society, he will be affected by the people around him and the parents who are his first and longer teacher than anyone else, so it is not the duty only in the school has a responsibility to train well the children, but also the parents and the community. This is an ideal condition, but how to put it into practice is a hard work. We can not bias to either side, and can not ignore the either side. No perfect method has been thought about.

In the sum, we know the train of ability of socialization is central to the development of the children who will enter the society one day, and even have a connection with the progress of the society, so this is the urgent issue we are now facing needed solved the sooner the better [不明白，是这个意思吗：the urgent affairs should be for us to help children socialized as soon as possible].

建议：
整篇文章没有自己的明确观点---也许是我没看懂，仅仅就自己能懂的部分提了点建议！
1）        begin and end 应该明确的表明自己的态度；
2）        每段应该有明确的TP；
3）        语言有待提炼。

[ 本帖最后由 norman518 于 2006-12-6 23:11 编辑 ]