Issue56 【米国有米组】第5次作业

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 628                          DATE: 2006-12-14

When looking around the world, we have to admit the fact that our world have been filled with numerous problems that waiting for being solved whether they are to be solved or have been done already. Something we cannot deny is that the problems may be accumulated with time passed, if you lay them somewhere you don't care, one day they will erupt like a long-sleep volcano with immense power launching out. In my view of this topic, both immediate problems of today and anticipated problems of the future are important for our society' activity of resolving. For the anticipated problems of the future, we should give a injection of antibiotic to prevent their serious results; however, to the way of solving immediate problems of today, we ought to figure out something useful for the emergency.


Above all, there is no doubt that resolving the immediate problems is essential to our daily life. Everything happens around us is all linked with our study, work, entertainment, hobbies and many other things. Taking the terroristic means as an example, we will see that the requirement of entering US has been more difficult since the 9/11 attack. Therefore, taking effective measures, such as enhance the level of immigration, in short time may save vast treasure of nation and individual. Another example is about SARS, during 2003, China met a emergency caused by SARS spreading from south to north area, killing more than 2000 people in just a few months and infecting ten thousand people. If government had not given a swift and efficient and effective methods to prevent its expanding in next step, the result would have been hard to image. In addition, poverty in some African country has to be dissolved immediately, otherwise the number of dead people caused by starve would rise much; BIRD-FLU in nowadays, also face the necessity to receive a instant measure. So it's clear that both our government and ourselves ought to realize the necessity to dissolve the immediate problems of today.

     
Nevertheless, we also cannot disacknowledge the importance of solving the anticipated problems of the future. As newspaper shows everyday, our world now are facing a serious situation about  environment. Nature are becoming more and more to manifest the revenge he want to take for the deprivation that human did. For instant, the temperature of our world has been increased for many years since the explosion of Industrial Revolution, and sea level enhances everyday as well because of the rising of temperature. If we sit in sofa without thinking or doing anything for our nature, take the environmental problems as a small matter, keep throwing and using plastic bag as before, what the future would be like. Another problem we have to face is our increasing population. As the medical technology is developing so swiftly that exceed our expectation, the average age of human has already transcended 70 year-old. These lead the birthrate up and dead rate down. As a result, population of the world keep multiplying without stop. Although the growth is a long distance and conceivable, it doesn't mean that we can ignore the dangerous consequence and let it go naturally. If we only focus on the immediate problems of today and do nothing with anticipated problems, the anticipated problems will be new immediate problems as time went by. So both problems of future and nowadays should be in the sight of resolving.

   
In sum, it's unwise to lean any side without a whole complete thought about the resolving project. Both are essential in keeping our society in harmony, promising people living in peace, protecting environment from being destroyed; and this is the most hopeful way for a peaceful living for human in earth. And we cannot lose sight of anyone’s influence.   

laner023UID: 2223653

When looking around the world, we have to admit the fact that our world have been filled with numerous problems that(把that去掉) waiting for being solved whether they are to be solved or have been done already. Something we cannot deny is that the problems may be accumulated with time passed, if you lay them somewhere you don't care, one day they will erupt like a long-sleep volcano with immense power launching out. In my view of this topic, both immediate problems of today and anticipated problems of the future are important for our society' activity of resolving. For the anticipated problems of the future, we should give a改成an injection of antibiotic to prevent their serious results; However, to the way of solving immediate problems of today, we ought to figure out something useful for the emergency.

Above all, there is no doubt that resolving the immediate problems is essential to our daily life. Everything happens around us is all linked with our study, work, entertainment, hobbies and many other things.这句话是句实话没错，但是在这里好像没必要说吧，显得罗嗦了。而且它对你的论述好像没有起到任何作用，因此可以去掉。 Taking the terroristic means as an example, we will see that the requirement of entering US has been more difficult since the 9/11 attack. Therefore, taking effective measures, such as enhance the level of immigration, in short time may save vast treasure of nation and individual.(从这段论述中，我没看出限制移民可以save vast treasure of nation and individual啊。你只是说9.11以后对移民限制得更加严格了，没有说这项措施的结果。) Another example is about SARS, during 2003, China met a emergency caused by SARS spreading from south to north area, killing more than 2000 people in just a few months and infecting ten thousand people. If government had not given a swift and efficient and effective methods to prevent its expanding in next step, the result would have been hard to image. In addition, poverty in some African country has to be dissolved immediately, otherwise the number of dead people caused by starve would rise much; BIRD-FLU in nowadays, also face the necessity to receive a改成an instant measure. So it's clear that both our government and ourselves有语法错误，ourselves不能直接做主语吧 ought to realize the necessity to dissolve the immediate problems of today.
用了三个例子，内容充实。但请注意不要光顾着写例子，在例子后面要加入自己的论述以证明这段的TS。

Nevertheless, we also cannot disacknowledge好像没有这个词，用deny吧 the importance of solving the anticipated problems of the future. As newspaper shows everyday, our world now are facing a serious situation about environment. Nature are(is) becoming more and more(这里是不是漏了一个单词？) to manifest the revenge he want to take for the deprivation that human did. For instantfor instance, the temperature of our world has been increased for many years since the explosion of Industrial Revolution, and sea level enhances everyday as well because of the rising of temperature. If we sit in sofa without thinking or doing anything for our nature, take the environmental problems as a small matter, keep throwing and using plastic bag as before, what the future would be like.(这句话来得太突然，和上句没有联系啊。另外，我也没看明白你这句话的分句之间有什么逻辑关系。) Another problem we have to face is our increasing population. As the medical technology is developing so swiftly that exceed our expectation, the average age of human has already transcended 70 year-old. Thesethese指的是medical technology还是the average age of human has already transcended 70 year-old？如果是后者，可以用which将这两句合并成一句 lead the birthrate up and dead rate down. As a result用这个衔接词不妥吧，自人类出现以来就不断繁殖后代，并不是前面所述的技术或现象造成的。, population of the world keep加s multiplying without stop. Although the growth is a long distance and conceivable, it doesn't mean that we can ignore the dangerous consequence and let it go naturally. If we only focus on the immediate problems of today and do nothing with anticipated problems, the anticipated problems will be改成become会不会好一些？ new immediate problems as time went by. So both problems of future and nowadays should be in the sight of resolving.这一段是在说problems of future的，所以结论只针对problems of future就好了。你这句应该是全文的结论。
   
In sum, it's unwise to lean any side without a whole complete thought about the resolving project. Both虽然全文是在谈immediate problems和anticipated problems，但这段中的上下句都没提到，所以在both后面有必要把这二者再提一下，不然读者不明白both指的是什么。 are essential in keeping our society in harmony, promising people living in peace, protecting environment from being destroyed; and this is the most hopeful way for a peaceful living for human in earth. And we cannot lose sight of anyone’s influence.

总得来说论点突出，论据充实。
不过表达上还有欠缺（这应该是大家的通病吧，呵呵。我也在为这个问题头疼呢）
多注意一下语法吧（虽然是小毛病）。
注意句子之间的逻辑关系
不要罗嗦：一个意思，如果上一句话已经说明白了，下一句就没有必要去重复它

如果有改的不对的地方，希望可以互相讨论。

[ 本帖最后由 laner023 于 2006-12-16 21:18 编辑 ]

作文版全体版主UID: 2102351

Issue56 【米国有米组】第5次作业

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 628                          DATE: 2006-12-14

When looking around the world, we have to admit the fact that our world have been filled with numerous problems that waiting for being solved whether they are to be solved or have been done already. Something we cannot deny is that the problems may be accumulated with time passed, if you lay them somewhere you don't care, one day they will erupt like a long-sleep volcano with immense power launching out. In my view of this topic, both immediate problems of today and anticipated problems of the future are important for our society' activity of resolving. For the anticipated problems of the future, we should give a injection of antibiotic to prevent their serious results; however, to the way of solving immediate problems of today, we ought to figure out something useful for the emergency. 开头写的不错，并且表明了自己的态度。


Above all, there is no doubt that resolving the immediate problems is essential to our daily life. Everything happens around us is all linked with our study, work, entertainment, hobbies and many other things. Taking the terroristic means as an example, we will see that the requirement of entering US has been more difficult since the 9/11 attack. Therefore, taking effective measures, such as enhance the level of immigration, in short time may save vast treasure of nation and individual. Another example is about SARS, during 2003, China met a emergency caused by SARS spreading from south to north area, killing more than 2000 people in just a few months and infecting ten thousand people. If government had not given a swift and efficient and effective methods to prevent its expanding in next step, the result would have been hard to image. In addition, poverty in some African country has to be dissolved immediately, otherwise the number of dead people caused by starve would rise much; BIRD-FLU in nowadays, also face the necessity to receive a instant measure. So it's clear that both our government and ourselves ought to realize the necessity to dissolve the immediate problems of today. 开头TS句，然后是论据。不错的论证。

     
Nevertheless, we also cannot disacknowledge 【ignore】the importance of solving the anticipated problems of the future. As newspaper shows everyday, our world now are facing a serious situation about  environment. Nature are becoming more and more to manifest the revenge he want to take for the deprivation that human did. For instant, the temperature of our world has been increased for many years since the explosion of Industrial Revolution, and sea level enhances everyday as well because of the rising of temperature. If we sit in sofa without thinking or doing anything for our nature, take the environmental problems as a small matter, keep throwing and using plastic bag as before, what the future would be like. Another problem we have to face is our increasing population. As the medical technology is developing so swiftly that exceed our expectation, the average age of human has already transcended 70 year-old. These lead the birthrate up and dead rate down. As a result, population of the world 【the world population】keep multiplying without stop. Although the growth is a long distance and conceivable, it doesn't mean that we can ignore the dangerous consequence and let it go naturally. If we only focus on the immediate problems of today and do nothing with anticipated problems, the anticipated problems will be new immediate problems as time went by. So both problems of future and nowadays should be in the sight of resolving.

   
In sum, it's unwise to lean any side without a whole complete thought about the resolving project. Both are essential in keeping our society in harmony, promising people living in peace, protecting environment from being destroyed; and this is the most hopeful way for a peaceful living for human in earth. And we cannot lose sight of anyone’s influence.   

总结：
写的不错。语言很流畅，举例也比较充分。可以说是篇很不错的文章。要提醒一下的是，以后尽量按如下去写：段首TS句――》举例――》举例分析――》段尾总结。这样写的好处是逻辑清晰，论证充分。

windykidsUID: 2264557

ding

[ 本帖最后由 windykids 于 2006-12-25 00:37 编辑 ]

candyliuliuUID: 2235220

不是看得十分子细~~只是1分种扫了一下~~说说我自己的看法吧~~

1。能用肯定表达的尽量不要用否定
2。单复数上有不少错，这个你必须子细，因为这是很基本的东西，你连这  
     个上面都要犯2个以上错的话，印象分就下来了~还有时态上有1，2处   
     有些问提
3。深度还不够，在结构安排上尽量用5段，3段用来举利论正，美国人还  
     是比较喜欢5段式的
4。句式上要有变化，这个后期可以加工的
5。一定要注重归类，整理，否则写过和没写过自己也搞不清
6。不要刻意追求字数的多少，我发现你有一些是没必要写的东西，一些定语从句起解释的做用也没什么必要性~~很多去考aw的人issu都能凑到600字，但不是所有人的分都好看~~所以你要话花更多的功夫在深度上挖，深度有了，字数自然也就出来了~~

:)

祝期末考顺利~:)

[ 本帖最后由 candyliuliu 于 2006-12-25 01:57 编辑 ]