Issue78 请大家帮忙看看..谢谢,必定回拍

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

topic,shools should be required to teach the essential interconnectedeness of all human beings and help eliminate wars,culture clashes,and other forms of conflict.

  A famous philosopher said that "different people like different flowers,there is no one the same."Different people have their different understandings of social life,like the lines which not paralleled which connect(I mean it as the same as conflict in our social life) is inevitable If we know where the connections are,we can diminished variety forms of conflict.From this point of view,I foundmentally agree with the speaker's assertion that human's disinterconnectedness is the main cause of wars culture clashes,and other forms of conflict.
   To beign with,I believe that most of our conflict caused by human's miss understanding of others.A good example is that some countries,some coustoms which it can't be breaked by others.If we break them,conflict even though hatred appears.To think about that you have a business affair in Malaysia what the result would be if you use left hand to handshake with the Malaysian.The business must be break up ,and even though with the whole Malaysia,and even let in to a conflict with Malaysia. Because of that,the Malaysia use left hand to clean their ass,the left hand means dirty rudeness etc in Malaysia.From this instance we can see that ,insufficient understanidng of other people is an important reason. If we have better understand of others,conflict can be deminished.
   Intercedeneess also plays an important role in diminishing conflicts.We live in a same world,faced same problems,such as scarcity of water,gas nsufficiency.So,teach students that humanbeings ave shared interests values leads to encourage mutual understanding and eliminate conflicts.A proverb said that and I paraphrase "A friend in need is a friend indeed.Understanding can be improved by people work togather ,break through same difficulties,such as the proverb said.with better understanding conflict should be deminished.
   I agree with that as a goal of our teacher-schools,need to instruct us with different manners,intercededness.Because of that ,under this rapid developping world,the most effective way to diminish conflict is through better understanding of each others and learning others interconnecdeness.After all,living is our mutual target,if we can help lead others a better life,who else have conflict with each others?However not noly schools,but also the  social insitituions  such as the mass media should assume the responsibility teaching the enssential intercedeness of all human beings.
  In summary ,I agree that interconnectedness play an important role in diminishing conflict.It is truly that schools should take their own responsibility of teaching their students better understanding others,but other social insititutions should also have heir responsiblity,after all,school is a part of peole's life ,not whole.

seeseafastUID: 127774

1. 注意被动语态不要少了助动词
2. can't 在书面中是cannot
3. 第3人称单数
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in sum, 语法错误比较多.建议仔细检查.