issue103 [Synergy小组]ostrich第11次作业

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
研究历史的价值只体现在这种研究和我们的日常生活相关时。

1 学习与生活相关的历史能帮助我们积累经验提高效率----------MBA
2 灾难的历史可以告诉我们如何应付灾难而不至于束手无措------SARS
3 学习本国历史上的光辉成就可以让我们更加热爱祖国----------历史上的伟大发明

Does the study of history have value only to the extent that it is relevant to our day-to-day activities, as the speaker claims? It is tempting to agree with the speaker, based on that learning the history which is pertinent to your daily lives can inform and guide. However, in my point of view, all of history can provide us some precious things, such as nurturing our patriotism and inducing a perfect system.


Admittedly, mastering essential experience of the past can inform and guide us when we confront an issue. This is nowhere more true than in field of business. MBA program is good case at point. Learning MBA program can help businessmen to make decisions on time and exactly. There are many cases in MBA program which are rooted in the truly commercial lives of successful businessmen, such as Henry Ford, Michael Dell and etc. To analysis and accumulate these coordinated and condensed cases is to gain effectual measures and valuable experience to deal with the issues. Induced and guided by these measures and experience, businessmen can promote effect when they confront issues and decisions in their daily mercantile lives. In short, the study of history has value that it is relevant to our daily lives.

However, on a personal level, learning history plays a significant role in nurturing individuals' patriotism. For example, a student inspired by the grand achievements and inventions might be proud of being a citizen of his or her country. This feeling, in turn, can profoundly increase the patriotism of the student, in which way encourage him or her to devote his or her life into the construction and development of the country. Even for students cannot make vast and numerous contributions to the country, learning florid history can help him or her unite to the group. In a word, what is beneficial is that people study of great accomplishments of the past.

In addition, on a societal level, studying mistakes of the past in the history can awaken us to the faultiness in the existent systems. For instance, the unexpected SARS that is a serious prevalent disease caused vast damage in economy and society, enable the government to realize the lack of emergency disposal. After rigorous and careful discussions and researches, the government abstract crucial experience in order to establish an integrated public emergency system to avoid huge loss caused by the emerging infectious disease as SARS caused. It is because of the new and integrated system that the bird-flu did not cause serious destruction which broke out in this year. Learning the mistakes can help us to avoid repeating the same mistakes, in which way we reduce the cost.

To sum up, it is true that the history that it is relevant to our daily lives provides us a great of valuable experience as the speaker asserts. Yet strictly followed, to study the history-which has little relevance for our day-to-day lives-is to complete individual qualities and social systems.

polymerwufanUID: 2219535

103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
研究历史的价值只体现在这种研究和我们的日常生活相关时。

1 学习与生活相关的历史能帮助我们积累经验提高效率----------MBA
2 灾难的历史可以告诉我们如何应付灾难而不至于束手无措------SARS
3 学习本国历史上的光辉成就可以让我们更加热爱祖国----------历史上的伟大发明

Does the study of historyhave value only to the extent that it is relevant to our day-to-dayactivities, as the speaker claims? It is tempting to agree with thespeaker, based on that learning the history which is pertinent to your[最好不要出现第二人称]daily lives can inform and guide[整句话改成based on the fact that learning the history pertinent to our daily lives can serve to inform and guide people how to deal with current problems in similar condition]. However, in my point of view, all ofhistory can provide us some precious things, such as nurturing ourpatriotism and inducing a perfect system[这句话意义不明确].


Admittedly, masteringessential experience of the past can inform and guide us when weconfront an [same or similar] issue. This is nowhere more true than in field of business.MBA program is good case at point. Learning MBA program can helpbusinessmen to make decisions on time and exactly. There are many casesin MBA program which are rooted in the truly commercial lives ofsuccessful businessmen, such as Henry Ford, Michael Dell and etc. Toanalysis and accumulate these coordinated and condensed cases is togain effectual measures and valuable experience to deal with theissues. Induced and guided by these measures and experience,businessmen can promote effect when they confront issues and decisionsin their daily mercantile lives. In short, the study of history hasvalue that[if 或when都可以，唯独that不行] it is relevant to our daily lives.

However, on a personallevel, learning history plays a significant role in nurturingindividuals' patriotism. For example, a student inspired by the grandachievements and inventions might be proud of being a citizen of his orher country. This feeling, in turn, can profoundly increase thepatriotism of the student, in which way encourage him or her to devotehis or her life into the construction and development of the country.Even for students cannot make vast and numerous contributions to thecountry, learning florid history can help him or her unite to thegroup[要表达团结起来的意思吧，好像不妥，不过偶也不知道如何具体表达]. In a word, what is beneficial is that people study of greataccomplishments of the past.[这句话表达的意义也不是很明确]

In addition, on a societallevel, studying mistakes of the past in the history can awaken us tothe faultiness in the existent systems. For instance, the unexpectedSARS that is a serious prevalent[contagious] disease caused vast damage in economyand society, enable the government to realize the lack of emergencydisposal [in medical systerm]. After rigorous and careful discussions and researches, thegovernment abstract crucial experience in order to establish anintegrated public emergency system to avoid huge loss caused by theemerging infectious disease as SARS caused[应该删去，否则就是 SARS引发疾病，不通]. It is because of the newand integrated system that the bird-flu did not cause seriousdestruction which broke out in this year. Learning the mistakes canhelp us to avoid repeating the same mistakes, in which way we reducethe cost.

To sum up, it is true thatthe history that it is relevant to our daily lives provides us a greatof valuable experience as the speaker asserts. Yet strictly followed,to study the history-[加上even]which has little relevance for our day-to-daylives-is [加上an effective means] to complete individual qualities and social systems.

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

Does the study of historyhave value only to the extent that it is relevant to our day-to-dayactivities, as the speaker claims? It is tempting to agree with thespeaker, based on that learning the history which is pertinent to your[最好不要出现第二人称]daily lives can inform and guide[整句话改成based on the fact that learning the history pertinent to our daily lives can serve to inform and guide people how to deal with current problems in similar condition].poly改的好 However, in my point of view, all ofhistory (这片issue主要是谈历史的研究,关键词是study而不是history,这里应该说the study of history)can provide us some precious things, such as nurturing ourpatriotism and inducing a perfect system[这句话意义不明确].

Admittedly, mastering essential experience of the past can inform and guide us when weconfront an [same or similar] issue. This is nowhere more true than in (the)field of business.MBA program is (a)good case at point. Learning MBA program can help businessmen to make decisions on time and exactly. There are many cases in MBA program which are rooted in the truly commercial lives of successful businessmen, such as Henry Ford, Michael Dell and etc. Toanalysis and accumulate these coordinated and condensed cases is togain effectual measures and valuable experience to deal with theissues. Induced and guided by these measures and experience,businessmen can promote effect when they confront issues and decisions in their daily mercantile lives. In short, the study of history has value that[if 或when都可以，唯独that不行] it is relevant to our daily lives.

However, on a personal level, learning history plays a significant role in nurturingi ndividuals' patriotism. For example, a student inspired by the grandachievements and inventions might be proud of being a citizen of his orher country. This feeling, in turn, can profoundly increase(enthusiasm/sense of) the patriotism of the student, in which way encourage him or her to devotehis or her life into the construction and development of the country.Even for students cannot make vast and numerous contributions to thecountry, learning florid history can help him or her unite to the group.(这句话好象读起来不妥啊,你的意思是不是学习历史可以让我们团结一心,才能对国家作出巨大贡献),In a word, what is beneficial is that people study of great accomplishments of the past语法有问题,如果study做名词that后面有两个主语,如果做动词,那就应该去掉of,study是vt)
In addition, on a societal level, studying mistakes of the past in the history can awaken us to the faultiness in the existent systems. For instance, the unexpected SARS that is a serious prevalent[contagious] disease caused vast damage in economy and society, enable the government to realize the lack of emergency disposal [in medical systerm]. After rigorous and careful discussions and researches, thegovernment abstract crucial experience in order to establish anintegrated public emergency system to avoid huge loss caused by theemerging infectious disease as SARS caused[应该删去，否则就是 SARS引发疾病，不通]. It is because of the newand integrated system that the bird-flu did not cause seriousdestruction which broke out in this year. Learning the mistakes canhelp us to avoid repeating the same mistakes, in which way we reduce the cost.

To sum up, it is true thatthe history that it is relevant to our daily lives provides us a greatof valuable experience as the speaker asserts. Yet strictly followed,to study the history-[加上even]which has little relevance for our day-to-daylives-is [加上an effective means] to complete individual qualities and social systems.
你的开头和结尾不呼应,开头侧重于说所有的历史研究都提供precious thing,但结尾是侧重说与日常生活无关的历史研究,而且正文中并未出现对与日常生活无关的历史研究的价值进行讨论,至少正文中没有出现与日常生活无关的历史研究的字眼
忘记告诉你了,粉色是我改的

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-26 19:19 编辑 ]

作文版全体版主UID: 2102351

103 "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
研究历史的价值只体现在这种研究和我们的日常生活相关时。

1 学习与生活相关的历史能帮助我们积累经验提高效率----------MBA
2 灾难的历史可以告诉我们如何应付灾难而不至于束手无措------SARS
3 学习本国历史上的光辉成就可以让我们更加热爱祖国----------历史上的伟大发明

Does the study of historyhave value only to the extent that it is relevant to our day-to-dayactivities, as the speaker claims? It is tempting to agree with thespeaker, based on that learning the history which is pertinent to your our daily lives can inform and guide. However, in my point of view, all of history注意题目是the study of histroy can provide us some precious things, such as nurturing ourpatriotism and inducing a perfect system什么system?说具体一点.


Admittedly, mastering essential experience of the past can inform and guide us when we confront an issue. This is nowhere more true than in field of business.Good! MBA program is good case at point. Learning delete MBA program can helpbusinessmen to make decisions on time and exactly. There are many cases in MBA program which are rooted in the truly commercial lives of successful businessmen, such as Henry Ford, Michael Dell and etc. Many cases are rooted in...感觉简洁一些 To analysis and accumulate these coordinated and condensed cases is to gain effectual measures and valuable experience to deal with the issue前面需要加修饰说明issues. Induced and guided by these measures and experience,businessmen can promote effect when they confront issues and decisions in their daily mercantile lives. In short, the study of history has value that it is relevant to our daily lives.

However 前面说历史学习重要，这里也没有单独强调和生活无关得历史学习，转折有点突兀, on a personal level, learning history plays a significant role in nurturing individuals' patriotism. For example, a student inspired by the grand achievements and inventions of the past might be proud of being a citizen of his orher country. This feeling, in turn, can may profoundly increase the patriotism of the student, in which way encourage him or her to devote his or her life into the construction and development of the country. This feeling这一 句写得有点罗索，改一下。Even for students who cannot make vast and numerous contributions to the countryeven的让步不好，直接写learning history contributes to unite the group, learning florid history can help him or her unite to the group. In a word, what is beneficial is that people study of delete great accomplishments of the past.

In addition, on a societal level, studying mistakes of the past in the history can awaken alert us to the faultiness in the existent systems. For instance, the unexpected SARS that is a serious prevalent disease caused vast damage in economy and society, enable换个动词，enable不能这样用the government to realize the lack importance of emergency disposal. After rigorous and careful discussions and researches, the government abstract crucial experience in order to establish ani ntegrated public emergency system to avoid huge loss caused by the emerging infectious disease such as SARS caused. It is because of the new and integrated system that the bird-flu did not cause serious 用个表示“毁灭性的“形容词比较有力度 destruction which broke out in delete this year. Learning the mistakes can help us to avoid repeating the same mistakes, in which way we reducethe cost.

To sum up, it is true that the history that it is delete relevant to our daily lives provides us a great of valuable experience as the speaker asserts. Yet strictly followed,to study the history-which has little relevance for our day-to-daylives-is to complete搭配有问题 individual qualities and social systems.

观点和例子都还中肯。建议把语言再整合一下。
语法错误有点多，没有绝对把握的单词不建议使用。
最明显的问题是，由于缺乏对重点词汇的说明，导致句意不明或者论述乏力。
比如，
However, in my point ofview, all of history can provide us some precious things, such asnurturing our patriotism and inducing a perfect system.
In short, the study of history has value that it is relevant to our daily lives.
历史学习帮助建立什么样的system?到底有什么样的value? 在类似总结和统领句意的地方，你的表达还不够具体。