Issue41 我的第一篇issue[大杀四方第一次作业]

lrihUID: 2264506

题目
Issue41 "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
翻译： 研究界的一些非主流领域，比如星象学、占卜术和意念及超自然探索，在社会中起到了很重要的作用，因为它们满足了人们无法从主流科学获得的需求。

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类别：科技类（总频率71）
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字数：431 words (我的第一篇啊,挤得真痛哭)
时间：未限时
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正文

I concede that the nonmainstream areas of inquiry indeed satisfy certain kinds of human needs, as the speaker asserts.  But the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a limited role in society and sometimes may bring harmful influence to society.

Admittedly, the nonmainstream areas of inquiry meet people's curiosity to the unknown phenomena and the future. Many mysterious phenomena can't be interpreted reasonably by science and experience even if modern science makes great progress. Facing the phenomena, people have to seek for seemly reason answers by astrology and fortune-telling, especially in ancient time. From ancient time to now, we are interested in what will happen to us in future and hope to foresight own fates. Obviously mainstream science inherently can't address the human needs. To the contrary, nonmainstream areas of inquiry can provide people with seemly reason results.

The nonmainstream areas of inquiry pacify our hearts, palliated our mental burden and give us a guide in difficult situation. We are used to make own choices and decisions according to our experiences and knowledge. If difficulty and uncertainty of the situation enormously extend our experiences and knowledge, we feel anxious, confused, panic and hopeless. We tend to get a simple and certain conclude by astrology and fortune-telling, which help to pacify our heart and comfort our emotion. For example, ancient army soldiers augur and hope to win before battle began.

However, with the development of science, our understanding to the world becomes more and more deep. We change our fates by the power of science, not relying on astrology, fortune-telling. Nonmainstream areas of inquiry bring less and less influence to society. Many phenomena which puzzled us previously are interpreted by science. Our ancestors forecast the weather condition by astrology and may get reverse result. Nowadays we can precisely forecast the change of the weather condition in the next days by modern science. Astrology and fortune-telling are disputed by most scientists now.

Nonmainstream areas of inquiry may be harmful to society. The reason which supports the conclude from nonmainstream areas of inquiry is random, unjustified and disbelieved. The excessively beliefs in nonmainstream areas of inquiry may lead us to ignore practical survey and make wrong decision. Even for a devil intention, some people harness Nonmainstream areas of inquiry to control others' thought and conduct.

As a saying said that every thing has two sides, nonmainstream areas of inquiry satisfy certain human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science, but we can't excessively believe nonmainstream areas of inquiry. The assert that nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a vital role in society is not reasonable.
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我的第一篇ISSUE,欢迎猛拍
附
Issue 174提纲
Position: I concede laws should be adaptable to the changing circumstances, times, and places.
(1) laws should be flexible enough to catch up with the pace of development of society. Otherwise it becomes outmoded.
(2) laws should be flexible enough to settle special cases caused by changing circumstances, times, and places
(3)laws should remain relatively stable and consistent to let social members conform to it .


[ 本帖最后由 lrih 于 2006-12-30 23:07 编辑 ]

郁香那夜UID: 2249340

I concede that the nonmainstream areas of inquiry indeed satisfy certain kinds of human needs, as the speaker asserts.  But[不如改成,but 因为用一个长句足矣，不用两个句子呀。] the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a limited role in society and sometimes may bring harmful influence to society.
[开头表明观点，清晰明了]
Admittedly, [这里的让步关系让人比较费解]the nonmainstream areas of inquiry meet people's curiosity to the unknown phenomena and the future[phenomena 和future应该不能并列，因为二者存在包含关系]. Many mysterious phenomena can't be interpreted reasonably by science and experience even if modern science makes great progress. Facing the phenomena, people have to seek for seemly reason[reasonable才对吧] answers by[这里用from会不会好一点？] astrology and fortune-telling, especially in ancient time. From ancient time to now, we are interested in what will happen to us in future [这里加个逗号会好一点，表示后句与前句是并列分句，而不是宾语从句的一部分]and hope to foresight own fates. Obviously [这个“明显地”似乎太主观了]mainstream science inherently can't address the human needs. To the contrary, nonmainstream areas of inquiry can provide people with seemly reason[reasonable] results.
[此段主题句和结尾句均有，结构完整]
The nonmainstream areas of inquiry pacify our hearts, palliated our mental burden and give us a guide in difficult situation. We are used to make own choices and decisions according to our experiences and knowledge. If difficulty and uncertainty of the situation enormously extend our experiences and knowledge, we feel anxious, confused, panic and hopeless. We [加个may吧，不要太主观哦]tend to get a simple and certain conclude by astrology and fortune-telling, which help[are helpful会好一点] to pacify our heart [hearts]and comfort our emotion[安慰我们的情绪？这个词组你sure么？]. For example, ancient army soldiers augur[这个也应该是过去时态，但我不知道它的过去式该怎么写，sorry] and hope[hoped] to win before battle began.
[此段有主题句，没有结尾句，结构不够完整]
However, with the development of science, our understanding to the world becomes more and more deep[理解不用能deep吧，profound应该行，你再查查？]. We change our fates [改变信仰用change有点中式英语，influence会不会好点？]by the power of science, not relying on astrology, fortune-telling. Nonmainstream areas of inquiry bring less and less influence to society. Many phenomena which puzzled us previously are interpreted by science. Our ancestors forecast the weather condition by astrology and may get reverse result. Nowadays we can precisely forecast the change of the weather condition in the next days [next few days 或者following days会好一点吧，个人感觉]by modern science. Astrology and fortune-telling are disputed by most scientists now.
[本段没有主题句，也没有结尾句哦，感觉比较散]
Nonmainstream areas of inquiry may be harmful to society. The reason which supports the conclude[ conclude只是动词哦，不能作名词，要用conclusion] from nonmainstream areas of inquiry is random, unjustified and disbelieved. The excessively beliefs in nonmainstream areas of inquiry may lead us to ignore practical survey and make wrong decision. Even for a devil intention, some people harness Nonmainstream [nonmainstream]areas of inquiry to control others' thought[thoughts] and conduct[conducts].
[有主题句，没有结尾句]
As a saying said that every thing has two sides, nonmainstream areas of inquiry satisfy certain human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science, but we can't excessively believe [in] nonmainstream areas of inquiry. The assert that nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a vital role in society is not reasonable.
[结尾对前文只是简单复述，有些无力。]
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总评：
优点：大部分段落结构比较完整，有主题句；能用一些比较难的词，比较生动。
缺点；动词用得比较主观，论证方法不够说服力，比如例子的运用，欠缺比较闪光比较理性的长句。
1． 语言问题：一文看下来总的感觉是用词太绝对化，比较主观。个别地方出现中式英文的现象，已标出。单复数和时态出现小错误。
2． 结构问题：正文的三段中，只有一段结构很完整，其他的都有欠缺。
3． 论证问题；没有给出很有说服力的例子，说理比较直白和空洞了些。
评完~~~希望能给你有点启发哦~~大家共同进步！

mckinseyUID: 2285137

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