Argument5 【CSMY作文互改小组】第三次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

5The following appeared in the business section of a newspaper.
"Given that the number of people in our country with some form of arthritis is expected to rise from 40 million to 60 million over the next twenty years, pharmaceutical companies that produce drugs for the treatment of arthritis should be very profitable. Many analysts believe that in ten years Becton Pharmaceuticals, which makes Xenon, the best-selling drug treatment for arthritis, will be the most profitable pharmaceutical company. But the patent on Xenon expires in three years, and other companies will then be able to produce a cheaper version of the drug. Thus, it is more likely that in ten years the most profitable pharmaceutical company will be Perkins Pharmaceuticals, maker of a new drug called Xylan, which clinical studies show is preferred over Xenon by seven out of ten patients suffering from the most extreme cases of arthritis."
Date:01-09  time :45mins     536words

In this argument the author concludes that the Perkins Pharmaceuticals will  be likely to become the most profitable company in the market of drug for treatment of arthritis. However, he fails to provides clear evidence that can fully bolster his conclusion and convince me. It has a few of fallacies that I will analyze them as follows.

To begin with, the author points out that the number of people with certain form of arthritis will increase from 40 million to 60 million in 20 years, so pharmaceutical companies that makes drugs for the treatment of arthritis should be profitable. From this point, he only put out that the number of people with some form of arthritis will increase. How about the number of people with other type of arthritis? It is entirely that the number of people with other type of arthritis will experience extremely decrease. So ,the amount of people with any type of arthritis may be decrease in 20years. Second, Does it mean that pharmaceutical companies that produces drug for the treatment of arthritis will make profit as a result of the increased number of patients with arthritis in 20 years. As a matter of fact, the fact  whether a pharmaceutical company will be profitable  is not determined by only the number of people with some form disease. It involves many factors that include the sales strategy and the administration level of a company.

Second, the author provides the fact that the most profitable pharmaceutical company which producing the best-selling drug will lose control of the patent of its best-selling product in 3 years. Then, many companies will be able to produce the same drug for patients with low cost. Does it mean that the proportion of Becton' market will shrink? The author fails to consider the fact that Becon is the most profitable company now. Becon company must have many prominent strengths over other companies---- strengths such as powerful  research power, good reputation in the mind of patients as well as suitable investment on A.D. So even other companies will be able to introduce the cheaper version of the drug, which will not be bound to bring about the shrink of  Becon's market proportion because of Becon will must invent  some new types of drug for arthritis.

Thirdly, According to clinical studies that show the drug called Xylan which produced by Perkins company is more preferable than Xenon produced by Becon by seven out if ten patients suffering from the most extreme cases of arthritis. So the author predicts that Perkins will become the most profitable company. Those clinical studies are mainly  focused on the patients with extremely cases of arthritis. Perhaps Xylan is only better in curing extreme cases than Xenon. Furthermore, How many people with so extreme cases of arthritis. The author fails to show me the data. It is said that the number of patients with extreme cases of arthritis  is greatly less than that the common patients.

In conclusion, the author's reasoning about that Perkins will become the most profitable company seems illogical as presented in the argument. The author tends to convincing me, he should provide some details about Perkins and compare Perkins to Becon in every aspects deeply.  

solohanUID: 2279589

In this argument the author concludes that the Perkins Pharmaceuticals will  be likely to become the most profitable company in the market of drug for treatment of arthritis. However, he fails to provides clear evidence that can fully bolster his conclusion and convince me. It has a few of fallacies that I will analyze them as follows.

To begin with, the author points out that the number of people with certain form of arthritis will increase from 40 million to 60 million in 20 years, so pharmaceutical companies that makes drugs for the treatment of arthritis should be profitable. From this point, he only put out that the number of people with some form of arthritis will increase. How about the number of people with other type of arthritis? It is entirely that the number of people with other type of arthritis will experience extremely decrease. So ,the amount of people with any type of arthritis may be decrease in 20years. (另起一段)Second, does it mean that pharmaceutical companies that produces drug for the treatment of arthritis will make profit as a result of the increased number of patients with arthritis in 20 years. As a matter of fact, the fact (deleted)  whether a pharmaceutical company will be profitable  is not determined by only the number of people with some form disease. It involves many factors that include the sales strategy and the administration level of a company.(what factors?列举出来，不能用这么模糊概括的话带过)

Second,(咦，怎么又是一个second？) the author provides the fact that the most profitable pharmaceutical company which producing the best-selling drug will lose control of the patent of its best-selling product in 3 years. Then, many companies will be able to produce the same drug for patients with low cost. Does it mean that the proportion of Becton' market will shrink(这个词用得好，我记下了)? The author fails to consider the fact that Becon is the most profitable company now. Becon company must have many prominent strengths over other companies---- strengths such as powerful  research power, good reputation in the mind of patients as well as suitable investment on A.D. So even other companies will be able to introduce the cheaper version of the drug, which will not be bound to bring about the shrink of  Becon's market proportion because of Becon will must invent  some new types of drug for arthritis.(这个攻击点找得不错，但感觉说理有点累赘，而且不够convincing，特别是最后一句，New types也不见得能提高它的profit啊。而且段首提到的是patent，是不是可以从这方面来分析说patent与profit的关系呢)

Thirdly, According to clinical studies that show the drug called Xylan which (was)produced by Perkins company is more preferable than Xenon produced by Becon by seven out if ten patients suffering from the most extreme cases of arthritis (这句话好多by，特别是最后一个，导致句子结构有点混乱了哦~整理整理). So the author predicts that Perkins will become the most profitable company. Those clinical studies are mainly  focused on the patients with extremely cases of arthritis. Perhaps Xylan is only better in curing extreme cases than Xenon. Furthermore, How many people with so extreme cases of arthritis.  The author fails to show me the data. (这里的简单句太多了，而且缺乏前后的连接，给人很零散的感觉)It is said that the number of patients with extreme cases of arthritis  is greatly less than that the common patients. (这个攻击点应该是重点，可以再挖掘挖掘，比如即使它受欢迎也不见得它就是最受益的，还有价格啊，治疗过程等等影响结果)

In conclusion, the author's reasoning about that Perkins will become the most profitable company seems illogical as presented in the argument. The author tends to convincing me, he should provide some details about Perkins and compare Perkins to Becon in every aspects deeply

(逻辑挺清楚的，而且攻击点也很明确，如果再充实一下反驳的内容，条理更清楚一些就更好了)

[ 本帖最后由 solohan 于 2007-1-12 21:42 编辑 ]