Argument147 【Persistence 小组】第二次作业 第一篇argument

iamstoicUID: 2294314

In this editorial, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games, having declined over the past two years, are likely to increase significantly in the following few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics requiring the most state-of-the-art computers. Furthermore, he provides the evidence that several such games with an extensive advertising campaign has just been introduced in Whirlwind. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be reliable in that the claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Also, lacking the information about the number of video-game players surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that the sales trend of Whirlwind is about to be reversed. Are the players surveyed, younger than 10 or older than 25 years old, halfhearted in the video-game? If so, the results of the survey may contradict the author’s conclusion therefore his claim would be greatly unconvincing.

Secondly, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. It is likely that such games Whirlwind has brought in will not counteract the inability of the advertising with inferior management or false distribution strategies. It may, in fact, be their incompetent advertising approaches that keep the video addicts away from the Whirlwind and thus contribute critically to the sales decline.

Thirdly, the author’s claim may mask other (and potentially more important) causes of sales trend in the Whirlwind Company. Such causes may include price of its commodities, competition with rival companies, supply and demand in the current marketing economy, to name but a few. It is possible that Whirlwind’s new video-games are inexorably expensive. Or its competitors offer the video-games with equal quality but lower prices, which are presumed to attract more customers than Whirlwind’s. Before conclusions about the sales on the rise are reached, however, a more complete understanding of sales trend involving these alternative causes is needed.

Finally, there is no evidence provided that the next few months are the seasons for recreation, such as the summer and winter holiday, for the video-games to sell considerably. This might be a time when the majority of the adolescents were engaged in preparing for their final examinations and therefore the time spent on the video-game would be restricted by their supervisors.

Overall, the reasoning behind the dramatic increase in sales by courtesy of the newly introduced video-games seems logical since the survey as presented above. However, the arguer should evaluate all possible assumptions in order to substantiate his expectation of sales increase of Whirlwind.

[ 本帖最后由 iamstoic 于 2007-2-3 02:05 编辑 ]

小驴子UID: 2222683

In this editorial, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games, having declined over the past two years, are likely to increase significantly in the following few months. To substantiate this claim, the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that video-game players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics requiring the most state-of-the-art(艺术级的？好像不是很恰当) computers. Furthermore, he provides the evidence that several such games with an extensive advertising campaign has just been introduced in（by） Whirlwind. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

First, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be reliable in that the claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Also, lacking the information about the number of video-game players surveyed and the number of respondents, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that the sales trend of Whirlwind is about to be reversed. Are the players surveyed, younger than 10 or older than 25 years old, halfhearted in the video-game? If so, the results of the survey may contradict the author’s conclusion， therefore his claim would be greatly unconvincing.（没有什么语法错误 句子很通顺，针对了survey的论点展开讨论 ）

Secondly, the argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the effectiveness of the advertising campaign. It is likely that such games which Whirlwind has brought in will not counteract the inability of the advertising with inferior management or false distribution strategies. It may, in fact, be their incompetent advertising approaches that keeps the video addicts away from the Whirlwind and thus contribute critically to the sales decline.

Thirdly, the author’s claim may mask other (and potentially more important) causes of sales trend in the Whirlwind Company. Such causes may include price of its commodities(日用品？), competition with rival companies, supply and demand in the current marketing economy, to name but a few. It is possible that Whirlwind’s new video-games are inexorably expensive. Or its competitors offer the video-games with equal quality but lower prices, which are presumed to attract more customers than Whirlwind’s. Before conclusions about the sales on the rise are reached, however, a more complete understanding of sales trend involving these alternative causes is needed.（部分单词使用不够准确，其实不必一定要用生难词汇，只要恰当就好）

Finally, there is no evidence provided that the next few months are the seasons for recreation, such as the summer and winter holiday, for the video-games to sell considerably. This might be a time when the majority of the adolescents were engaged in preparing for their final examinations and therefore the time spent on the video-game would be restricted by their supervisors.

Overall, the reasoning behind the dramatic increase in sales by courtesy of the newly introduced video-games seems logical since the survey as presented above. However, the arguer should evaluate all possible assumptions in order to substantiate his expectation of sales increase of Whirlwind.
（文章整体非常通顺，语病较少，但是有一些词语使用不是很恰当，对阿狗的文章分析的很有条理 加油）