我也写着练，大家改改看

新人类UID: 2237683

177 "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

   The author's point of view is partly right, and I admit that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world.
   Some academic disciplines allow us to learn the skill of perceiving the world. The foreign language is just a case of point. Before we learn a foreign language systematically, we know little about the language, and can't communicate with the people who are native speaker of that language. But when we learn the grammar, the vocabulary, we will find that there are still some skills to learn it, but not just learn them by heart. There are some regulations in it, but not merely some disordered letters! So when the academic discipline of a foreign language, the knowledge we learn from it will alter our way of perceiving the language, and the change is very subtle! Take the learning of English for example, a Chinese will definitely confused at the very beginning of English learning that there exist some discipline in the time sense! Because in Chinese, there are simply no time sense at all! However, when they learn it gradually, they will find out that, the English language is a language that full of logical sense, it can express an idea more accurately by obeying to some grammar discipline.
   Simultaneously, some other learning in academic disciplines provides us the evidence of some theory, which will alter our method of perceiving the world. From this kind of discipline, we will understand some objective regulation, and summarize them into something abstract. Here, the physics learning is typically. The theoretical physics experts abstracts some phenomenon of the natural world into some basis discipline, such as the well-know Newton's second law. The famous physics expert formulate the law which are based on experimental phenomenon into the formula F=Ma, which represent that the force is directed radio to acceleration, when the mass is a constant. And this law directs us to analyze the object which is moving in a relatively low velocity (very small when compared to the speed of light). If we don't know this law, we can't define the "fast" and "slow" respectively. So now we can describe an object more accurately taking advantage of the Newton's second law.
  Of cause, some academics disciplines will directly train our mind. Such as Mathematics, it will let us to think more quickly, if we keep on thinking about some Mathematics problem. A lot of problems, even something about the Merchandize, are relative to Maths. We can use some statistics method to analyze the phenomena on the stocks! We are capable of establishing some mathematical model to estimate the risk in some investment. So when we learn thinking about some thing through the mathematical analyzing, we perceive a world in a different way.
  Although what I am talking above proves that the assertion of the author is partly right, there still is some default in the assertion. The world is changing as time goes by, but not just the same as before! Not only will the academic discipline impact our way of perceiving the world, but it will also exert a push that make the world different. The ones learn some high technology may do some extreme high level of damage to the world, which may not appear if the bad guy didn't learn the academic discipline. So, we must alert that some kind of anti-social element will also turn up following the academic discipline. Simultaneously, the aberrance of the virus is also the typical example. As the medicine science (physic) develops, people can protect themselves from some species of virus by using certain dose of drugs. However, the aberrance of virus make the virus gain the toleration of drug. And the drug will fail to work. Thus the world are also changing, we will have some new research to resolve the new problem.
Generally speaking, the author's assertion is partly right. The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Meanwhile, it will also alter the world.

winterlotusUID: 2258591

177 "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

   The author's point of view is partly right, and I admit that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world.
   Some academic disciplines allow us to learn the skill of perceiving the world. The foreign language(lauguage learning更准确一点吧) is just a case of point. Before we learn a foreign language systematically, we know little about the language, and can't communicate with the people who are native speakers of that language（改成linguistics 更好点，毕竟语法，句法或者构成法才能更准确的体现技巧. But when we learn the grammar, the vocabulary(word-formation0, we will find that there are still some skills to learn it, but not just learn them by heart.（memorise vocabulary repeatly)There are some regulations in it（regulation 一般指规章，规定，我也不知道law 是不是很贴切) , but not merely some（可以去掉，显得有点重复） disordered letters! So when（用through更好些) the academic discipline of a foreign language, the knowledge we learn from it（指代不明，如果是之前的academic discipline of a foreign language 不是很通顺） will alter our way of perceiving the language, and the change is very subtle! Take the learning of English for example, a Chinese will definitely confused at the very beginning of English learning that there exist some discipline in the time sense! Because in Chinese, there are simply no time sense at all! However, when they learn it gradually, they will find out that, the English language is a language that full of logical sense, it can express an idea more accurately by obeying to some grammar discipline. （这段仅仅是在说通过学习我们认识到英语和中文的不同，不能说明学习改进了我们的技巧，与前面的东西也很重复）
   Simultaneously(这个词是指时间上的同时，表示衔接用further more, on the other hand 之类的就可以了。）, some other learning in academic disciplines provides us the evidence of some theory,(理论的证据？？是想说理论依据吗？） which will alter our method of perceiving the world. From this kind of discipline, we will understand some objective regulation, and summarize them into something abstract.（客观规律难道不是抽象的吗？汗~ 可以改为we can obtain abstract regulations from dazzling phenomenons)Here, the physics learning is typically.(这句话的表达也很奇怪） The theoretical physics experts abstracts some phenomenon of the natural world into some basis discipline, such as the well-know Newton's second law. The famous physics expert formulate the law which are based on experimental phenomenon into the formula F=Ma, which represent that the force is directed radio to acceleration, when the mass is a constant. And this law directs us to analyze the object which is moving in a relatively low velocity (very small when compared to the speed of light). If we don't know this law, we can't define the "fast" and "slow" respectively. (整段都在论述理论物理学家从现象中如何推出牛顿第二定律，而没有去谈我们是如何从这个定律中改变了我们认识世界的方式，不能够证明观点，应该写比如以前的人用什么样的方式看待某个现象，而我们学习了牛顿定律后，我们又以什么样的方式来认识）So now we can describe an object more accurately taking advantage of the Newton's second law.

  Of cause（course), some academics disciplines will directly train our mind. Such as Mathematics, it will let us to think more quickly, if we keep on thinking about（ some Mathematics problem. A lot of problems, even something about the Merchandize, are relative to Maths. We can use some statistics method to analyze the phenomena on the stocks! We are capable of establishing some mathematical model to estimate the risk in some investment. So when we learn thinking about some thing through the mathematical analyzing, we perceive a world in a different way.(可以提一点没有用数学的方式来投资是一种什么样的情形）
  Although what I am talking above proves that the assertion of the author is partly right, there still is some default in the assertion. The world is changing as time goes by, but not just the same as before!（转折从何而来） Not only will the academic discipline impact our way of perceiving the world, but it will also exert a push that make the world different. The ones learn some high technology may do some extreme high level of damage to the world, which may not appear if the bad guy didn't learn the academic discipline.（这个观点和题目有关系吗？学科的学习可能带来不良的后果是否是由认识世界的方式的改变所带来的，应该给予充分的说明，而且细菌的抗药性的产生算的上是anti-social element吗？） So, we must alert that some kind of anti-social element will also turn up following the academic discipline. Simultaneously, the aberrance of the virus is also the typical example. As the medicine science develops, people can protect themselves from some species of virus by using certain dose of drugs. However, the aberrance of virus make the virus gain the toleration of drug. And the drug will fail to work. Thus the world are also changing, we will have some new research to resolve the new problem.
（顺便说一个科学上的错误，应该把virus 改做bacteria, 消灭病毒的特效药还没有发明出来呢）
Generally speaking, the author's assertion is partly right. The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Meanwhile, it will also alter the world.

问题：1，语言不够恰当，不够丰富，表达也比较简单单一
      2，观点不够明确有力，例子没有很有力的证明自己的观点