Issue185

maiqidiliwuUID: 2119412

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."
WORDS: 427          TIME: 上午 1:42:05          DATE: 2007-2-12

   What’s the difference between news and scandals? Scandal is the kind of news concerning the disgraceful aspect of those celebrities. It may be based on reality, or the product of the false allegation. Due to the fast-developing information sharing system and much more rigid norms and regulations, abundant scandals emerge in our days. Thanks to the scandals we are now more close to the real world which cannot only relying on those speakers and reformers.
    Of course some scandals may be just the tools of some people used to achieve their ulterior purpose. Politicians usually will use the media power in their hands to make some scandals of their opponents in order to succeed in the selection. However the media system rather than scandals themselves should be blamed for this. The current democracy is, to a great extent, relied on the media. The people all over the nation know about the candidates through the news spread by the newspaper, television and Internet. In this case we still believe that news including scandals does more good than harm to our society although there may exist some untruths.
    Now let's think about those scandals which are not made up. They give us more points of view and all-round information about the person who are much more related to the whole society's benefit in that we can make our decisions more correctly and sensibly.
    Such as the case of Foley who has sent inappropriate and suggestive sexually oriented emails and instant messages to young adult male congressional pages. No one could select such kind of person, if would have known him well before, to represent his or her country. It is the scandal that help kick out the unqualified person before he or she does more harm to the country.
   Also, we are quit familiar with these sporting scandals especially in Olympic Games. Ben Johnson, a Canadian former famous sprinter who enjoyed a high-profile career, was disqualified for doping losing the title and all his record in 1988 summer Olympics. Not only did the scandal give a much fair circumstance for all the athletes attending the Olympic, it also did good to Johnson's health. We would not like our athletes suffered a lot after they retired
In conclusion, scandals like coins have two sides have bad and good influence on us. The crucial point lies on how we deal with them. Usually they give us specific information on problems in that focus our attention on problem in ways that no speakers or reformers could ever could. So if we can make good use of them, they will promote our society.
恩，竟然快天明了。写的很槽糕，像是没抓住题似的。大家批批吧

snownontraceUID: 2247677

What's the difference between news and scandals? Scandal is the kind of news concerning the disgraceful aspects of those celebrities. It may be based on reality, (or) but sometimes it is the product of the false allegation. Due to the fast-developing information sharing system and much more rigid norms and regulations, abundant scandals emerge in our days. Thanks to the scandals, we are now more close to the real world which cannot only rely(ing) on those speakers and reformers.(最后一句表述的意思好像不太到位，觉得你是说:由于有了丑闻，我们更接近了真实的世界，这个世界是不只由speakers和reformers决定的?)
主题句是最后一句吧？可以看懂你的意思，但交待的不是特别清楚。

Of course some scandals may be just the tools of some people used to achieve their ulterior purpose. Politicians (usually) will usually use the media power in their hands to make some scandals of their opponents in order to succeed in the (selection) election. However, the media system rather than scandals themselves should be blamed for this. The current democracy is, to a great extent, relied on the media. The people all over the nation know about the candidates through the news spread by the newspaper, television and Internet. In this case we still believe that news including scandals does more good than harm to our society although there may (exist) be some untruths（为什么？？）.
这一段说的是并非真实存在的丑闻，你说即使这样的丑闻也是利大于弊的，却没有给出任何证据，这是不行的，一定要注意！

Now let's think about those scandals which are not made up中国味儿十足. They give us more points of view and all-round information about the person who are much more related to the whole society's benefit. (in that) Then we can make our decisions more correctly and sensibly.

Such as the case of Foley who has sent inappropriate and suggestive sexually oriented emails and instant messages to young adult male congressional pages. No one (could) would select such (kind of) a person, if one (would) should have known him well before, to represent his or her country. It is the scandal that help kick out the unqualified person before he or she does more harm to the country.

Also, we are quite familiar with these sporting scandals especially in Olympic Games. Ben Johnson, a Canadian former famous sprinter who enjoyed a high-profile career, was disqualified for doping losing the title and all his record in 1988 summer Olympics. Not only did the scandal give a much fair circumstance for all the athletes attending the Olympic, it also did good to Johnson's health. We would not like our athletes suffered a lot after they retired.
以上两段都是只有例子，这样是不行的，要有分析的语言与主题靠上。

In conclusion, scandals, which are just like two-side coins (have two sides), have both bad and good influence on us. The crucial point lies (on) in (how) the way we deal with them. Usually (they) scandals give us specific information on problems (in that focus our attention on problem) in attractive ways that no speakers or reformers (could) ever could (这句我改不好,要不拆开说吧). So if we can make good use of them, (they不要连续用很多代词，指代不明) scandals will promote our society.
conclusion的时候又说是好坏处都有，和主题不是很合拍。

总评：
1 格式问题：每段要顶格，段与段之间隔开。
2 语言需要锤炼，很多句子的汉语痕迹比较明显，语法错误也比较多。
3 有主题，但是论证比较欠缺，有些论点没有证据支持，有些例子没有分析。

好话就不多说了，个人观点，仅供参考，lz加油！