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回复 #7 jessie0514 的帖子
高强IBT小组作业 第一次
Do you agree or disagree with the statement: being happy with your job is more important than high salary.
It goes without saying that career plays a vital role in every body's day-to-day life. Thus, never does the issue concerning what is more important in our daily work fail to fascinate us.(fascinate不够地道,本句没有谓语,NEVER用错,因为never,,,fail=success, 而且整句理解有点费解,是想说这个论题很难让人得到令人满意的答案吗?若是,或许可以这么写:never can the issue concerning what is more important in our daily work gain a satisfactory answer,我也改得很糟,别介意啊,PS:这句这么写还是很别扭,有点头重脚轻,可以换成别的句式)As to the question whether being happy with our job + is more important than high salary, most people will get the answer of yes, but as far as I concerned, high salary is more important and valuable.
To start with, basic to any understanding of work(???) is make the life of oneself comfortable and happy.(is make有误,basic是形容词用法不对,此句不够地道, as we know, the goal for one to work is to enjoy a comfortable life。一般每段首句要清楚明了不宜太复杂) We could have(建议用accept,更灵活) a good all-round education and have a try for anything we are interested in. In other words, having(可用owning替换) a comfortable income is the basic role of enjoying our lives.(跟主题句完全重复,可以不要我改的直接做主题句) A recent research indicated that 75% of the people whose monthly pay are(was) more than 1,000 dollar felt happiness(happy) in their lives, but only 52% of the people whose monthly pay are(was) less than 1,000 dollar get their happy lives(不够地道). It shows that payment is a very important way(工资是获得幸福生活的方式??不恰当。可用element) for us to get our happiness.(get ,happy好象用了好几次了吧,呵呵,这个关于生活幸福我也没有想到更好的表达,但是get=gain=obtain=achieve=attain, happy可以用其他的如glad. Joy 等等,可在词霸里面查,我的主要是写心情好,不是生活幸福,跟你的理解有些偏差)
What is more, if more of us have a higher salary(with higher salary), we could buy commodities of good quality(有点罗嗦,不够地道,直接用good/fine commodities) .If more qualified commodities are needed, more would be produced. If more qualified commodities have been produced, our country would be more wealthy and puissant. That's a nice circle. For this reason, we can safely say that high salary is important in our lives. (这个排比有点问题,感觉怪怪的,说不上来,呵呵,另外important=significant=•••)
Admittedly, being happy do have certain significance. It makes our work easy and have fun. However, higher salary is more important as the(a) basic way to have the chance of being happiness. (罗嗦,直接用became happy)
In conclusion, high salary is more important than being happy with our job because it's the final way for us to get many things (something) especially happiness.(结尾可以在发挥一下)
1,标点符号后面要有空格,每一段开头顶格写,段落之间要空行,一些错别字什么的可以先复制到WORD里检查一下,小问题,下次注意喽
2,有一些词汇方面的不够丰富,多用同义词替换哦,还有主谓宾之类的
3,PS:我觉得只要大致框架能把握,可以先把一些小毛病克服再去考虑论证的严谨,理由的新颖之类的,一步一步来,进步最明显,要不然就乱了 |
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