ARGUMENT145 [march 集训]第二次作业

糊涂塌客UID: 2298537

ARGUMENT145
In this argument, the arguer recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to support his recommendation, the arguer holds several assumptions which seems well presented. However, those assumptions contain logical flaws which make his conclusion unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the arguer trys to convince us that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. He assume a cause and effect relationship between snore and gain weight by a deduction that since people snore, they will happen to get in a condition named sleep apnea and result in lack of exercise, and at last end up to become fat. However, there is no evidence show that snore is the serve to everything because what if it is the people who gain weight first and then they get in trouble of sleeping. For example, the extra fat press respiratory organs lead to snore. Groundless if the arguer cannot offer us more reliable convey or data.

Secondly, the arguer implies that the interrupiton of breathing called sleep apnea wakes the person and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. But after then an ironical thing happens. The arguer cites the interruption is often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed which means no one can tell exactly whether or not the sleep apnea really exists. Even if it is the truth that the snorers often wake in their sleeping, no evidence show the interruption do harm to their daytime energy. Account for its unnotice and transitory, sleep apnea maybe too little to influence people's exercise quality.

Thirdly, the arguer concludes that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. There might be due instead to one or more factors for people to gain weight. Perhaps it is a genetic characteristic from family, perhaps it is a phisical type that even if they eat like an ant and exercise from day to night, they cannot lose a pound. Besides, no evidence can tell the people who snore are eating more than the averge person or exercising less. On the contrary, maybe they are always paying attention to the diet and doing sports frequently. Only when the speaker can provide more solid evidence concerning gaining weight thing, the speaker's conclusion cannot be properly drawn.

In conclusion, this argument is absent of more sufficient analysis and is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it the arguer should select more reliable evidence and must account for all related factors that could result in fat and snoring. Also useful if the arguer give us information about any hints which prove the sleep apnea.

aliyahUID: 2273403

In this argument, the arguer recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to support his recommendation, the arguer holds several assumptions which seems well presented. However, those assumptions contain logical flaws which make his conclusion unconvincing as it stands.
(开头简洁 明了 不错)

First of all, the arguer trys to convince us that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. He assume a cause and effect relationship between snore and gain weight(snoring and gaining weight by a deduction that since people snore, they will happen to get in a condition named sleep apnea and result in lack of exercise, and at last end up to become fat(end up in). However, there is no evidence show that snore is the serve to everything because what if it is the people who gain weight first and then they get in trouble of sleeping(这句话感觉有些怪,what if those people who have gained weight before getting troule of sleep. For example, the extra fat press respiratory organs lead to snore. Groundless if the arguer cannot offer us more reliable convey(convey? survey吧) or data.

Secondly, the arguer implies that the interrupiton of breathing called sleep apnea wakes the person and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. But after then an ironical thing happens. The arguer cites the interruption is often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed which means no one can tell exactly whether or not the sleep apnea really exists. Even if it is the truth that the snorers often wake in their sleeping, no evidence show the interruption do harm to their daytime energy. Account for its unnotice and transitory, sleep apnea maybe too little to influence(have little influence on the) people's exercise quality.

Thirdly, the arguer concludes that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. There might be due instead(这个instead在这里why?) to one or more factors for people to gain weight. Perhaps it is a genetic characteristic from family, perhaps it is a phisical type that even if they eat like an ant(呵呵 这个比喻用在这里是不是不太正式?) and exercise from day to night, they cannot lose a pound. Besides, no evidence can tell the people who snore are eating more than the averge person or exercising less. On the contrary, maybe they are always paying attention to the diet and doing sports frequently. Only when the speaker can provide more solid evidence concerning gaining weight thing, the speaker's conclusion cannot be properly drawn.

In conclusion, this argument is absent of more sufficient analysis and is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster(似乎大家都喜欢用bolster这个词了...) it the arguer should select more reliable evidence and must account for all related factors that could result in fat and snoring. Also useful if the arguer give us information about any hints which prove the sleep apnea.


怎么说呢 明显的语法错误大家都少了
语言上也比一休好多了 怪不得当时XDF讲作文的时候时间分配是8:2 8次课在一休 2次讲狗狗
狗狗的问题大家都不大... 如果真要说共性的rubs.. 这也是我看其他人写狗狗的感想
1)要找准抨击点 一般找三个就好了... 每一段有针对性的说一个 不要杂 然后在总结段时可以顺带提些小的逻辑错误
  看范文也是 好像没有看到在一段中对什么都点到而止的情况
2)语言.
这是我最烦恼的... 大家能用的句式和抨击词汇就那么些... 如果连逻辑错误都找的一样 那文章看起来就千篇一律了.
看看北美的范文... 他们首先字数上明显比我们多.而且他们的第一段都很长,把下面要抨击的东西几乎都点了一遍,而且是从句,显得简洁明了.
其次就是他们在body说理的时候,句式变化比较多..比如什么Common sense informs ,without dearer evidence that...
呵呵... 学习ing...


anyway... 随便说点了...
继续加油...

aunknownUID: 2173661

ARGUMENT145
In this argument, the arguer recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to support his recommendation, the arguer holds several assumptions which seems well presented. However, those assumptions contain logical flaws which make his conclusion unconvincing as it stands.
第一段写的挺不错的，这样的风格就可以固定下来了，呵呵！

First of all, the arguer trys to convince us that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. He assume a cause and effect relationship between snore and gain weight by a deduction that since people snore, they will happen to get in a condition named sleep apnea and result in lack of exercise, and at last end up to become fat. 前面这一大段话我觉得完全可以压缩成一句，只要提出作者的逻辑错误就ok, 而我觉得后面才是你要论证的核心，应该下大笔墨 However, there is no evidence show that snore is the serve to everything because what if it is the people who gain weight first and then they get in trouble of sleeping. 意思明白了，但是好象表达有点问题 For example, the extra fat press respiratory organs lead to snore. Groundless if the arguer cannot offer us more reliable convey or data.
这段的观点没想到，挺不错的，学习！例子挺到位，可以在加一些铺垫

Secondly, the arguer implies that the interrupiton of breathing called sleep apnea wakes the person and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. But after then an ironical thing happens. The arguer cites the interruption is often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed which means no one can tell exactly whether or not the sleep apnea really exists. 驳呼吸暂停不存在，好象不太合适吧，毕竟作者已经说了他是被公认的，我觉得作者的意思是个体很难感觉的到，但通过一些研究已经被证实，这并不矛盾 Even if it is the truth that the snorers often wake in their sleeping, no evidence show the interruption do harm to their daytime energy.后面可以展开写，为什么没有影响 Account for its unnotice and transitory, sleep apnea maybe too little to influence people's exercise quality.

Thirdly, the arguer concludes that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. There might be due instead to one or more factors for people to gain weight. Perhaps it is a genetic characteristic from family, perhaps 遗传因素和体质是一会事，前后两句是递进展开的关系，加一个关联词就行 it is a phisical type that even if they eat like an ant and exercise from day to night, they cannot lose a pound. Besides, no evidence can tell the people who snore are eating more than the averge person or exercising less. 感觉你是有点偷换了概念，作者是建议要吃的少，并不是说他们吃的比平常人多呀 On the contrary, maybe they are always paying attention to the diet and doing sports frequently. Only when the speaker can provide more solid evidence concerning gaining weight thing, the speaker's conclusion cannot be properly drawn.

In conclusion, this argument is absent of more sufficient analysis and is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it the arguer should select more reliable evidence and must account for all related factors that could result in fat and snoring. Also useful if the arguer give us information about any hints which prove the sleep apnea.最后一段也不错

总结：1 看楼上的已经把具体的语法错误都改了，我就懒了一把，楼主就见谅了，呵呵！整体还是挺不错的
      2 但段与段之间的关系好象不是很连贯，分得太散了点。觉得既然逻辑关系大家找的都差不多，那完全可以按照他的这条线来驳，可能会更好一点。
      3 还有个问题，你的每段不用花太多的笔墨去说他的问题，一句话就完全可以，集中火力，进行你的展开论述。
     4段中的批驳点的问题我在上面都已经指出，水平有限，不对的地方就请多包含了。

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-17 00:51 编辑 ]

aliyahUID: 2273403

恩... 楼上的的确比小女子... 站的高 看得远...
awesome

糊涂塌客UID: 2298537

首先先谢谢组内的伙伴和好心的Ｇ友的修改．

现在感觉就是ＡＲＧＵ明显写的要顺手多了，不是象刚开始的时候那样死板的照搬摸板，从我自身的教训来说呢，摸板尤其是新东方的和北美范文的是十分不可取的．懂得一些写驳论文的基本技巧然后发挥随心所欲的写文章，比在考场上把东西填进套套里要好的多，摸板是会多少限制人的思路的．这真是我最惨痛的教训之一．

然后，ＡＲＧＵ其实并不象我们想象的那样简单弱智，很多时候我们的＂挑刺＂是在无理取闹．ＥＴＳ需要我们联系上下文，辨证的对他们的逻辑链的漏洞进行分析，并最终推翻他．在论证过程中，我们也应拿出根据说服别人，而不仅仅是：＂因为我觉得错了．所以错了＂说服不了自己的话，也就说服不了ＥＴＳ．

ＰＳ；我在写ＡＲＧＵ时确实对怎么改写原文比较头疼，干脆就直接引用了．

还有就是，ＩＳＳＵＥ很怵的说，每次有两个作业时都是先完成ＡＲＧＵ的，ＩＳＳＵＥ憋啊憋．ＡＬＩＹＡＨ我看你的ＩＳＳＵＥ真的很不错啊，学习ＩＮＧ

aliyahUID: 2273403

呵呵... 不要总说我的issue... 多看几篇就发现我的水平就那样...