雅思周末强化班作文点评

bqianaUID: 193168

选自去年教案与诸位共享之！

题目：机器可以翻译语言，学生不必要再学习外语，你同意吗？

With the rapid development of technology, in foreign language study, lots of kind electronic dictionaries and related softwares have been doveloped. Thus, we needn’t look into those thick and heavy dictionaries and increasing number of people think it is not vital for students to study 2nd languages from them on. In my view, although those products really save people’s time, I believe we still need to learn and master a foreign languages by ourselves.

Foreign languages are communication tools for human beings. As the global integration become the trend and speeds up it steps, walking out of country, communicating with people all over the world and exchanging knowledge and imformation turn even more important. Meantime, everyone have electronic dictionaries, it isn’t a fact. In addition, sometimes translation by mechines is inaccurate. Therefore, people want to communicate with foreigner, they must understand languages.
      
On the other hand, foreign languages also can raise people’s intelligence quotient. It’s well-known that languages is a kind of thinking in images, which is controlled by the left of the brain. People who are good thinking in images usually work with consecution and high efficiency. Strengthening the study of foreign languages is helpful for us to increase the ability of thinking images and explore the potential of our left-brain. Everyone hope others can approve his own understanding ability. Learn foreign languages just offers us such a good approach.
      
Besides, proverbs are another characteristics of languages. While doing translation working, machines can only give literal version.
      
Since foreign languages have already been used as a tool in our daily life and machines cannot help us communicate, why do we give up studying the foreign languages? I think … …

评语：
1.       语法小错误很多，如单复数一致性、第三人称单数、现在分词做主语；
2.       词汇的多变性较好，然而个别表达有重复，少数单词拼写也有问题；
3.       句型多变性一般，不善于使用被动语态、There be；
4.       在规定时间内没有完成写作，没有掌握结尾的技巧，不够有力地扣题；
5.       个别句意的表达Chinglish，不善于使用递增、假设等逻辑关系；
6.       总体而言，文章的思路不够清晰，举例不够到位，比较抽象，如第三段，即：没有深入思考和分析事物的特征，比如：机器翻译外语的实质是什么？人学习第二外语的实质又是什么？两者本质的区别在哪里？归根结底就是机器和人脑学习外语的本质区别是什么，并围绕这个中心来思考问题。
7.       语言是人类文化的最直接、最主要的表达工具，其多样化，灵活性，趣味性，双向性，是机器永远无法取而代之，因其无独立思考能力，没有创造性，仅仅是简单的累计、储存、复制。

Someone say the age of book is past, the info will be presented by some multimedia tools such as video, computer, television and film. Others think the book and the written words will be necessary for speed info & complete education. Discuss both side and give you opinion.

With the development of current media technology, people can get information easily and rapidly. Therefore, some people believe that multimedia will certainly be the main tool for spreading knowledge. On the other hand, another group of people think that books cannot be replaced no matter before or now.
      Firstly, multimedia can be much faster than books. You can know the news when they happening. That is you can get the latest information by watching a live report on TV or refreshing a website when you are online. It must be very easy for you to listen to a radio report or news spotlight when you doing housework, also go online when you in office.
      Secondly, most people may choose multimedia because of it’s great function. The multimedia can make knowledge more interesting, for example, you can let a story be a film, you can show an experience as flash, you can make a mathematic computer game and so on. All of these are words can’t present.
      However, books also have some advantages. Book may cheaper, easier be taken. If a computer is broken down the information will all lost. But information won’t lost unless the book is disappear. In addition, you’ll not think to collect news on TV but you can collect newspapers. You can read it again and again whenever you want.
      To sum up, from what has been discussed above, it is very brief that multimedia is more powerful and convinece. Although books will not be replaced, multimedia still will become the main information passer.

（字数：258      时间：45分钟）

评论：
1.       语法小错误不少，如：现代分词、过去分词、被动语态、谓语动词；
2.       词汇使用较丰富，但个别拼写错误，如convineceàconvenient；
3.       句型表达还可以，不善于使用被动语态、There be；
4.       时间把握不错，按时完成内容，结尾扣题，比较有力；
5.       仍有Chinglish的表达出现，不善于使用递增、假设等逻辑关系；
6.       文章整体结构安排较合理，段落过渡较自然、清晰，大量使用信号词，如however，to sum up；
7.       阐述事物特征时不够到位，如第二、三段的Topic Sentence；
8.       致命缺点是在分析两方面观点时，没有抓住问题的实质，即：现代多媒体和传统书籍的根本区别以及它们的关系，两者并非矛盾，反而是互补互利，相得益彰；前者借助图像、声音（录像、电视、电影）和高效率的处理功能（电脑）；后者具有无可取代的功能，比如静态的想象空间，以及创造性和启发性的思维过程。


[ 本帖最后由 bqiana 于 2007-2-19 11:09 编辑 ]

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

一看开头就很雅思。。。。呵呵~~感觉很遥远的样子哦~~