Argument65 【0706G－LOVEAW小组】第十一次作业 by iq28

iq28UID: 2152875

希望哪天限时argu能够上500字without restate....

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 406          TIME: 0:26:47          DATE: 2007-2-24

The author provides us an astonishing and irresponsible suggestion based on several steps of logical confusing inferences. I will discuss them one by one.

To begin with, the large sales of those 5 best-selling domestic cheeses at newest stores cannot typify a nationwide trend of all the other stores. For example, this may be caused by the fact the those recently opened stores are located in a certain district, in which residents prefer cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, but when it comes to other districts it may not be the case. Or it may be entirely possible that the trend in the new stores results from the promotion strategy, for their superiors have ordered the new-born stores to cut the prices of those cheeses from Wisconsin that can hardly be sold before in other preciously opened stores. As a result, the excessively low prices spark the consumers' desires to purchase those cheeses. Obviously such prices cannot last for a long time and once the prices have been modified as before, the sales of those cheeses will inevitably fall down. Regardless of the forgoing alternatives, the author cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the study itself is somewhat misleading. The survey fails to provide the final data of the preference rate of the participants. It is entirely possible that the recent preference rate is only 20%. Compared with the former one which may be 10%, indeed the preference rate is increasing, but the majority of the market still shows larger interests in the imported cheeses. Furthermore, a preference towards the domestic cheeses does not equal to that they will really pay money on the domestic cheeses. Perhaps the taste of the domestic cheese is extreme delicious, but the price of it is so high that the cheese is not worth of its price in the consideration of the consumers. Therefore, the survey lends no support to the author's recommendation.

Finally, even if such flaws mentioned above are modified, the recommendation still remains unacceptable. Although the domestic cheeses prevail, it may be the imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the cheese store. For example, If the domestic cheeses' prices can hardly cover their costs, while the prices of the imported ones are much higher than their costs, imported ones are definitely more profitable than the domestic ones. In that case, the stores will suffer great losses if the recommendation is taken into practice.

In summary, the president should not take the unsounded recommendation unless further investigation has been conducted by the author.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-2-25 00:14 编辑 ]

aunknownUID: 2173661

我不认为restate是错误的,关键看你怎么restate, 也就是要指出关键fallacy, 有能统领全文的主题句,而不是一堆概述性的话, 不是简单的把文章又复述一便.
;d: 观点和你不同呦!

今天不熬夜! 准备睡大觉!;d:

iq28UID: 2152875

我也不认为restate是错误的...
只是认为在restate上面花时间不值得
不如用在充实攻击的论证
如果某个argument我在还有5分钟的时候我已经没什么可以攻击的了那我肯定会去疯狂restate凑字数...

aunknownUID: 2173661

那你用一句话点出作者的核心逻辑错误,应该用不了多少时间吧, 并且还能是读者能够更清晰的把握你的思路,不好吗

iq28UID: 2152875

请问本文哪个逻辑错误最为核心

aunknownUID: 2173661

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-2-25 00:45 发表
请问本文哪个逻辑错误最为核心

首先声明是讨论问题,不是较真!

the author assumes that the growing number of people favor to eat domestic cheeses, and thence the sales of them would rapidly augment.

iq28UID: 2152875

没较真啦
不过偶觉得真的很难概括~你那句效果可能不是特别好
我现在承认总结的重要性
不过我现在的水平还没有到要开始注意那个的时候|||
这2天左右的时间先让自己能在规定时间之内把逻辑错误论证清楚饱满就好了||

aunknownUID: 2173661

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-2-25 18:59 发表
没较真啦
不过偶觉得真的很难概括~你那句效果可能不是特别好
我现在承认总结的重要性
不过我现在的水平还没有到要开始注意那个的时候|||
这2天左右的时间先让自己能在规定时间之内把逻辑错误论证清楚饱满就 ...

不好意思，家里出了点事，现在心里比较烦．干什么事都有点带情绪，非常抱歉！
确实开头都是无关紧要的了，你的论证已经很不错了，不过还有提高的空间，最主要觉得你的思维非常logicity ,

晚上白这篇的修改稿给你发上来．

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-25 20:35 编辑 ]

aic00UID: 2277302

The author provides us an astonishing and(but) irresponsible suggestion based on several steps of logical confusing inferences. I will discuss them one by one.

To begin with, the large sales of those 5 best-selling domestic cheeses at newest stores cannot typify a nationwide trend of all the other stores. For example, this may be caused by the fact the those recently opened stores are located in a certain district, in which residents prefer cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, but when it comes to other districts it may not be the case(全是小词却很地道的句子，学习ing). Or it may be entirely possible that the trend in the new stores results from the promotion strategy, for their superiors have ordered the new-born stores to cut the prices of those cheeses from Wisconsin that can hardly be sold before in other preciously(是不是要写previously) opened stores. As a result, the excessively low prices spark the consumers' desires to purchase those cheeses. Obviously such prices cannot last for a long time and once the prices have been modified as before, the sales of those cheeses will inevitably fall down. Regardless of the forgoing alternatives, the author cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the study itself is somewhat misleading. The survey fails to provide the final data of the preference rate of the participants. It is entirely possible that the recent preference rate is only 20%. Compared with the former one which may be 10%, indeed the preference rate is increasing, but the majority of the market still shows larger interests in the imported cheeses. Furthermore, a preference towards the domestic cheeses does not equal to that they will really pay money on the domestic cheeses. Perhaps the taste of the domestic cheese is extreme delicious, but the price of it is so high that the cheese is not worth of its price in the consideration of the consumers. Therefore, the survey lends no support to the author's recommendation.

Finally, even if such flaws mentioned above are modified, the recommendation still remains unacceptable(衔接的很好). Although the domestic cheeses prevail, it may be the imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the cheese store. For example, If the domestic cheeses' prices can hardly cover their costs, while the prices of the imported ones are much higher than their costs, imported ones are definitely more profitable than the domestic ones. In that case, the stores will suffer great losses if the recommendation is taken into practice.

In summary, the president should not take the unsounded recommendation unless further investigation has been conducted by the author.
副组的语言很流畅，论证也很充分，如果这个开头、结尾真的如三部曲中的判断那样，偶觉得这篇文章至少得有5分了

[ 本帖最后由 aic00 于 2007-2-26 18:57 编辑 ]

aunknownUID: 2173661

临行之改,昨天都说要给你改,一直拖到现在;d:

Argument65 【0706G－LOVEAW小组】第十一次作业 by iq28
希望哪天限时argu能够上500字without restate....
TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 406          TIME: 0:26:47          DATE: 2007-2-24
The author provides us an astonishing and 确实好像不好 irresponsible suggestion based on several steps of logical confusing inferences. I will discuss them one by one.

To begin with, the large sales of those 5 best-selling domestic cheeses at newest stores cannot typify a nationwide 这里别扭，全国了就不要说所有的店了吧，建议删掉一个 trend of all the 删去 other stores. For example, this may be caused by the fact the those recently opened stores are located in a certain district, in which residents prefer cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, but when it comes to other districts it may not be the case. 我觉得你这里可以接着展开，居民喜欢cheddar cheeses因为什么，可能这家的技术特别导致味道特别好，而其他的地方没有这个技术。另外我觉得点不再多，在精，两个反例足以Or it may 重复be entirely possible that the trend in the new stores results from the promotion strategy, for their superiors have ordered the new-born stores to cut the prices of those cheeses from Wisconsin that can hardly be sold before in other preciously opened stores. As a result, the excessively low prices spark nicethe consumers' desires to purchase those cheeses. Obviously such prices cannot last for a long time and once the prices have been modified as before, the sales of those cheeses will inevitably fall down. 后面说明这句漂亮，很难想到的Regardless of the forgoing alternatives, the author cannot gain any support from this fact.
很充分，看了你后面的那点，我觉得前面给你的说明就没什么意义了，有一点充分足够！有一点需要在这给你提出来，主题句之后，直接例证是不是显得有点唐突，我总觉得应该有过渡，一个概述性的话是不是更好一点，当然你这样已经很好了

Secondly, the study itself is somewhat misleading. The survey fails to provide the final data of the preference rate of the participants. It is entirely possible that the recent preference rate is only 20%. Compared with the former one which may be 10%, indeed the preference rate is increasing, but the majority of the market still shows larger interests in the imported cheeses. Furthermore, 感觉这里要是让步的话，效果会更好 a preference towards the domestic cheeses does not equal to+ the fact that they will really pay money on the domestic cheeses. Perhaps the taste of the domestic cheese is extreme delicious, but the price of it is so high that the cheese is not worth of its price in the consideration of the consumers. Therefore, the survey lends no support to the author's recommendation.
这段攻击的good!

Finally, even if such flaws mentioned above are modified, the recommendation still remains unacceptable. Although 连着两个让步好不好？ the domestic cheeses prevail, it may be the imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the cheese store. For example, If the domestic cheeses' prices can hardly cover their costs, while the prices of the imported ones are much higher than their costs, imported ones are definitely more profitable than the domestic ones. 说价格超不过成本，这有点有违常理，应该说几乎是不可能的，觉得你是认为不太好比较找了个最容易的办法，其实这里可以具体举数字例证，不过可能比较麻烦，比如进口奶酪的单个利润是2$，销售100个是200$，但如果国产奶酪的成本是1$, 即使销售部150 个总利润才干150，这样不就显而易见了吗？ In that case, the stores will suffer great losses if the recommendation is taken into practice.

In summary, the president should not take the unsounded recommendation unless further investigation has been conducted by the author.
这篇是我改的最快的， 用时四十分钟，看看在过几天，能不能让我在十分钟给你改完

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-26 19:42 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

嘿嘿...先谢谢了....
刚刚写自己对于那个范文的疑惑累死我了...
先歇一下~等等再改自己的作文...