issue41 【CRUCADE小组】第四次作业 by aggie_agatha

aggie_agathaUID: 2198539

41 Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.
不计时  字数550+

提纲：
1 nonmainstream能满足人类某些心理需求。
1a 占星、预言
1b 精神追求
2nonmainstream对个体和社会潜在的害处。
2a 过分沉溺无法面对现实
2b 盲目且无科学导致对他人的伤害

PS：基本是北美范文的思路。末了还是佩服那书遣词造句好厉害......

Humans have long been interested in predicting the future. In this sense, I concede that nonmainstream areas of inquiry such as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits satisfy certain basic human needs. However, the significance they played to the society should not be judged only through individual psychological benefits, but a larger and more profound perspective, especially the potential harm they may inflict on their participants and on society.

Admittedly, these nonmainstream areas of inquiry meet certain human needs, which mainstream science cannot. One example is through perfect combinations of people’s daily life and their doomed stars, the astrologists provide their participants an easy and comfortable psychological state by explaining a powerful reason or grounded pretext when they failed in confronting the complex reality. A similar need is people are confused to make decisions when facing with the infinite choices,  afraid of the poor results their choices turn out to be. So they rely on and shift the heavy burden to other substance like taro cards to help or substitute them make the choice and thus prevent the bad feelings. And another kind of need, also the most common instance is based upon the premise that human are mortal. Therefore when people are material satisfied, they will inevitably look for psychic and paranormal pursuits to try to achieve an immortal life. Although they consequently fail to sustain the present life forever, they will not give up the hope to find any link or evidence of their past life, or after life with the present one, because these discoveries can make them feel better when thinking of the death.

While these sorts of pursuits seem to be vital since they help people feel better about themselves and about their choices and circumstances, the potential harm should also be considered when we judge whether they are useful to individual and society. In the first place, the participants of these areas of inquiry are tend to be over involved and lose courage to face the reality. Understandably, most people are born to accept those whose words are agree with them. The fact that lose is cruel while the inquiries provide endless sweet excuses and comforts leads to the trend that more and more people sink into the honey bottle instead of standing up and starting again to fight with reality. In this case, a society will lose vitality when its citizens are all spoiled and become escapists.

In the second place, the pursuits themselves are not well-grounded, most of them are favored by ancient people when science was not developed and people could not explain the “strange” phenomenon around them. Therefore, a stubborn stick to such pursuits nowadays is definitely blind, which will possibly cause irrational and unreasonable actions to harm other citizens. Moreover, if such extremism is used by organizations with evil intentions, the destructive force might be more huge, the terrorism attacks are such cases.

In sum, while I concede the significance these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give to human psychological satisfaction, their potential harm to individual and society are also made much account when considering the reason and logic. In my view, the nonmainstream areas of inquiry would get their value only if the citizens of this modern society could manage themselves to those pursuits rationally and reasonably.

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

Humans have long been interested in predicting the future. In this sense, I concede that nonmainstream areas of inquiry such as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits satisfy certain basic human needs. (why? 跟第一句逻辑关系不明确, 对后面的非主流科学要加补充成分解释) However, the significance they played to the society should not be judged only through individual psychological benefits (这个同样没出处,之前的补充成分里可以提到), but a larger and more profound perspective, especially the potential harm (这个跟之前的perspective的联系并不明确, 建议把这个从句改成espectially considering potential harm...而之前的perspective需要进行补充结构修饰) they may inflict on their participants and on society.

Admittedly, these nonmainstream areas of inquiry meet certain human needs, which mainstream science cannot.(主题句后应该先解释再举例,这样例子更能说明问题, 满足what human needs? how? 先解释抽象在具体到单一学科) One example is through perfect combinations of people’s daily life and their doomed stars, the astrologists provide their participants an easy and comfortable psychological state by explaining a powerful reason or grounded pretext when they failed in confronting the complex reality(in which way, people can be diverted and their confusion or curiosity can be fulfilled, 解释其作用, 点到主题句所说的层面: meet needs). A similar need is people are confused to make decisions when facing with the infinite choices,  afraid of the poor results their choices turn out to be. So they rely on and shift the heavy burden to other substance like taro cards to help or substitute them make the choice and thus prevent the bad feelings. And another kind of need, also the most common instance is based upon the premise that human are mortal. (这一段是举多种例子么? 感觉很混乱, 是在列举人们的不同需要还是在列举不同的非主流科学如何满足人们需要? 最好用一样的句式做些小列举, 把两个方便的问题分得清楚点) Therefore when people are material satisfied, they will inevitably look for psychic and paranormal pursuits to try to achieve an immortal life. (therefore表果, 因在哪里?) Although they consequently fail to sustain the present life forever, they will not give up the hope to find any link or evidence of their past life, or after life with the present one, because these discoveries can make them feel better when thinking of the death.  (感觉段落的组织有些混乱, 论点之下罗列的是论据还是论证划分并不明确, 所以表达意思方向也不是很清楚, 有种层次不明的感觉, 谁和谁并列, 谁和谁是因果)

While these sorts of pursuits seem to be vital since they help people feel better about themselves and about their choices and circumstances, the potential harm should also be considered when we judge whether they are useful to individual and society. In the first place, the participants of these areas of inquiry are tend to be over involved and lose courage to face the reality. Understandably, most people are born to accept those whose words are agree with them. The fact that lose is cruel while the inquiries provide endless sweet excuses and comforts leads to the trend that more and more people sink into the honey bottle instead of standing up and starting again to fight with reality.(how does nonmeanstream science lead to this? 需要提及这个问题) In this case, a society will lose vitality when its citizens are all spoiled (by those astrologists, fortune tellers and fengshui masters) and become escapists.

In the second place,(感觉这个问题比之前那个更本质些, 如果用并列结构的话放in the first place比较合适) the pursuits themselves are not well-grounded, most of them are favored by ancient people when science was not developed and people could not explain the “strange” phenomenon around them. Therefore, a stubborn stick to such pursuits nowadays is definitely blind, which will possibly cause irrational and unreasonable actions to harm other citizens. Moreover, if such extremism is used by organizations with evil intentions, the destructive force might be more huge, the terrorism attacks are such cases.(缺乏些具体的例证和解释)

In sum, while I concede the significance these nonmainstream areas of inquiry give to human psychological satisfaction, their potential harm to individual and society are also made much account when considering the reason and logic. In my view, the nonmainstream areas of inquiry would get their value only if the citizens of this modern society could manage themselves to those pursuits rationally and reasonably.

(总评: body第一部分的逻辑组织不是很清晰, 但后两部分做的论证还是很不错的, 比以往有很大进步, 建议搜集点资料, 比如邪教集体自杀, 破坏社会稳定的例子来充实body3)