[i习作temp] Score it now 评出来的5分，大家帮着看看哈 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-3-8 16:40:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Score: 5
Explanationof Score:
A 5 paper presents agenerally thoughtful, well-developed analysis of the complexities of the issueand conveys meaning clearly.

A typical paper in this category

-- presents a well-considered position on the issue
-- develops the position with logically sound reasons and/or well-chosenexamples
-- is focused and generally well organized, connecting ideas appropriately
-- expresses ideas clearly and well, using appropriate vocabulary and sentencevariety
-- demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English butmay have minor errors
Topic:
"Both thedevelopment of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put themhave created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

Present yourperspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples tosupport your views.
YourAnswer:
Does the technological equipment cause theloneliness we feel in the current society? I admit the feeling of lonelinessincreases in the modern society, while technology is not the major fact ofthat, instead of this, technology of communication actually help us connectingeach other.

With the development of technologies suchas telephone, Internet and mobile phone give us the ability to communicate witheach other without face-to-face communication. We only need to sit in front ofa desk and send an Electronic mail to others, or use a mobile phone to callanother. It is the truth that the times we meet with other people become lessthan before, when our predecessors needed to take a trip to see their familiesor send a mail and wait for several days.

Admittedly, the lack of direct connectionwith each other makes us easily to feel lonely for we only listen to the voicesand words instead of the real figures everyday. Although we can turn toInternet to appease our emotion, we will feel even more lonely or helpless whenwe find there are only illusions made with digital bytes because we cannot betogether with the person in another side of the wires.

This condition, however, is not reallycaused by these new technologies. We actually have modern transports likeairplanes and high speed railways, which make our trip much more convenientthan before. Even if we can not feel better with the tools like Internet andmobile phone, we can visit others easily when we have enough time. However, wedo not enough time actually. The strong pressure of competence and fast lifepace make us like machines only designed for working. We have to compete withothers since the primary school, we need to get good grades and win a chance toenter a better college. After we graduate, we will face both the pressure fromthe society and the goals of ourselves. Thus, we just feel busy and lonelyevery day, although we may have chances to know our classmates and colleagues,we often take them as competitors rather than friends. This is the real reasonfor our loneliness. It is the feeling of pressure and the ambition for successmake us feel lonelier than before.

On the other hand, the wide spread ofcommunication tools like mobile phones and Internet actually give us a preciousopportunity so that we can keep connection with our families and friends in thelimited leisure time. Without them, we may not have enough time to drive a carto our friend’s home hundreds of miles away or write a mail and take it to thepost office. If so, we may lose the feeling of affection and we may no longerknow what is loneliness, since we only live with ourselves and never know eachother.

In sum, the development of communicationtechnology actually helps us connecting with each other instead of making usfeel lonely on the surface. It is the pressure and competence make us feellonely, and the introduction of these new tools have made their efforts toovercome this effect, although they are limited.

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[i习作temp] Score it now 评出来的5分，大家帮着看看哈 [复制链接]

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