ISSUE56 AW superman society by billfigo 冲六分，求拍

billfigoUID: 2264887

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the
anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 636          TIME: 上午 12:45:00          DATE: 2007-3-9

I fundamentally agree the statement that governments should concentrate more on solving the urgent problems of today's society rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. Undoubtedly, we could judge whether the government is responsible  by if the government chooses to face with the current subtle and complex situations, focus on it and  solve the problems rather than to avoid it,  which is the government's obligations. Based on the substantial considerations on  the urgent problems of our society nowadays, however, the government also should look ahead and broaden its perspective , in order to properly solve the anticipated problems of the future.

To begin with, as the reason why the government elected by the voters, it is definitely a great responsibility for the government to discover , discuss, and solve the current urgent problems that our people are facing with , especially the poor people in our world. How could a government still focus on the space projects such as "star war"  in order to acquire the information of our universe  ,when the economic growth rate drops desperately? How could a government still concentrate on a  lasting war in order to get the resources such as cruel oil and mines, when the majority of our people suffer from the diseases, poverty and the shortages of food and water?

Moreover, what I want to emphasize is that  the immediate problems from which our society suffers are extraordinarily the essential and fundamental issues, which are more concerned about our daily life and the basic demands in our daily life. Though we are pretty clear that some of the efforts made by the government for the future problems  also  aim to improve our life quality in the future, we have to concentrate on the basic problems nowadays,which is the foundation for our development.  Without the great education for all the children, without the health of our people , without the well-developing democratic
society with human rights and freedom, is it meaningless for the government gives every citizen a super robot to do the housework in the future.

Significantly, some of welfare economists claim that the objective of the welfare society is to better the utility of the people who in the worst situation , which would improve the welfare of the society truly and totally. Admittedly , in the developing countries nowadays, a considerable amount of country face with the puzzle of development that the people suffer from the housing , education, medicare and aging care problems since the imperfection of public finance system in the developing countries. Accordingly, it is quite essential and significant for government to enhance the social system, not only the market economy ,but also the public finance system, which will definitely improve the life of the people,rather than developing the nuclear power weapon and aircrafts carrier for the national defence or possible war in the future.

On the other hand, admittedly , our government needs a broad perspective for our future,not only the economic growth ,but also the development of the culture.To make sure our progress ,we definitely need to prepare our complete picture for the society that we are heading for.Accordingly , it is remarkably reasonable for us to endeavor to prepare for the anticipated problem ,which of cause based on that we have dealt with the main urgent problems basically.

To sum up, it is remarkably the responsblity for our government to face and solve the immediate problems ,which is also the solid foundation for our development in the future,rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. Besides, in the meantime, the government should need the broader picture in its mine to lead our people, in order to build a more glorious and splendid society for ourselves, based on that we have dealed with the main urgent problems basically.
      

[ 本帖最后由 billfigo 于 2007-3-9 23:25 编辑 ]

billfigoUID: 2264887

这偏 超时 20 mins, ft......

iq28UID: 2152875

继续努力

billfigoUID: 2264887

thanks , U 2

brightsunshineUID: 2304688

I fundamentally agree the statement that governments should concentrate more on solving the urgent problems of today's society rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. 完全重复不是很好吧Undoubtedly, we could judge whether the government is responsible  by if the government chooses to face with the current subtle and complex这三个词用法有问题 situations, focus on it and  solve the problems rather than to avoid it,  which is the government's obligations这个分句可删. Based on the substantial considerations on  the urgent problems of our society nowadays, however, the government also should look ahead and broaden its perspective , in order to properly solve the anticipated problems of the future怎么好像和第一句说的不一样了，可能是我多虑了吧.

To begin with, as the reason why the government elected by the voters, it is definitely a great responsibility for the government to discover , discuss, and solve the current urgent problems that our people are facing with 这一句语法有问题, especially the poor people in our world. How could a government still focus on the space projects such as "star war"  in order to acquire the information of our universe 星球大战不是干这个的吧 ,when the economic growth rate drops desperately? How could a government still concentrate on a  lasting war in order to get the resources such as cruel oil and mines, when the majority of our people suffer from the diseases, poverty and the shortages of food and water油就不紧急么?这一段整体来说逻辑没问题，但是我们的政府就是处心积虑仅仅在选举上么，好像有点说政府没道德的意思，可以讨论

Moreover, what I want to emphasize is that  the immediate problems from which our society suffers are extraordinarily the essential and fundamental issues, which are more concerned about our daily life and the basic demands in our daily life. 第一句语法有问题Though we are pretty clear that some of the efforts made by the government for the future problems  also  aim to improve our life quality in the future, we have to concentrate on the basic problems nowadays,which is the foundation for our development.  Without the great education for all the children, without the health of our people , without the well-developing democratic
society with human rights and freedom, is it meaningless for the government gives every citizen a super robot to do the housework in the future. 这一段没有很好的说服力，因为从逻辑上我很容易说长远问题比这个更重要，要说更重要，不仅仅是很重要

Significantly,这一段有点不知所云，应该用适当的句子和文章主题进行很好的联系，至少第一句应该说一下吧 some of welfare economists claim that the objective of the welfare society is to better the utility of the people who in the worst situation , which would improve the welfare of the society truly and totally. Admittedly , in the developing countries nowadays, a considerable amount of country face with the puzzle of development that the people suffer from the housing , education, medicare and aging care problems since the imperfection of public finance system in the developing countries. Accordingly, it is quite essential and significant for government to enhance the social system, not only the market economy ,but also the public finance system, which will definitely improve the life of the people,rather than developing the nuclear power weapon and aircrafts carrier for the national defence or possible war in the future.

On the other hand, admittedly , our government needs a broad perspective for our future,not only the economic growth ,but also the development of the culture.To make sure our progress ,we definitely need to prepare our complete picture for the society that we are heading for.Accordingly , it is remarkably reasonable for us to endeavor to prepare for the anticipated problem ,which of cause based on that we have dealt with the main urgent problems basically. 可以在加上几句，说也不能关注太多啦

To sum up, it is remarkably the responsblity for our government to face and solve the immediate problems ,which is also the solid foundation for our development in the future,rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. Besides, in the meantime, the government should need the broader picture in its mine to lead our people, in order to build a more glorious and splendid society for ourselves, based on that we have dealed with the main urgent problems basically.

我主要看了逻辑问题，我觉得我们都有一个毛病就是自己想的，跟自己表达出来的可能有些出入，自己看是这样，但是给别人看就不是了，楼主你说呢？ 欢迎和我继续讨论

brightsunshineUID: 2304688

欢迎楼主改了以后 我们再讨论

billfigoUID: 2264887

1. 完全重复是因为，自己比较菜，帕没时间，有时间再来变换。的确是应该用些技巧变换。
2.第一段最后一句，是让步，是有些勉强 。。。。。   
3.with the current subtle and complex situations  ，是有些不妥，考虑把subtle,主要强调当前的复杂问题。

4. 语法问题的确存在，that 改 which, 或去掉with.
5. star war 目的的确搞错，写的时候都晕了。。。。
6.为了资源的确 有漏洞，  可以改为concentrate on a  lasting war in order to maintain the
democratic government in other country.
7. 第三段 首句 个人认为语法 无误， 不过的确一个句子同一形式从句这样用，的确是不好。自己写的时候没注意，现在已看，的确是不好，老外都没这样用。

8.Significantly,段 没有TS 的确是一个问题，以后应该注意。


9.让步段在倒数第二段，的确是应该要再收回来一下，写的时候时间不够，就没有再添。



我的提纲大概是
     B1  解决当前紧急问题对于人民更为重要
     B2  解决当前问题 是 未来更好发展的基础
     B3  举例子

   的确发现，由于TS 不明显，自己的思路并不能被reviewer 很好catch,  自己以后应该好好主意。
3.20考试，时间上都还限时很紧张，一定程度影响写作质量。

最后， 衷心感谢brightsunshine   的悉心修改。需要回拍的话，留链必帮忙拍

God bless us ,   look for a brand new start.

[ 本帖最后由 billfigo 于 2007-3-14 11:29 编辑 ]