ISSUE47 还有一周，才写第二篇，帮忙看看~谢！！

JohneyWoodUID: 2307381

TOPIC: ISSUE47 - "Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills."

WORDS: 586          TIME: n久          DATE: 2007-3-19

The proposition suggests that the intellect has been neglected by the society, such as the reasoning and other cognitive skills. While this indication may also neglect the other important elements such as the feelings and sensibilities of the human beings, on balance I fundamentally agree with the speaker that we should place more emphasis on the intellect, as discussed below.
First of all, I concede that other factors such as the human's sensibility and feeling of the environment is also important for the success of an individual and the well-being of our society. Without mercy and pity, the whole world's stability will be undermined. People will be involved into distrust, conflict or even warfare.
However, the intellect is also very important in all the fields of our life. Firstly, it is somehow for sure in the science field. Without intellect, we may just still be the Adam playing in the Garden of Eden. Without reasoning skills, our “scientists” may be still wondering why the apple will drop from the tree. Intellect is the reason why the human beings are the best species in the world. When the Newton wonders why the apple will fall from the tree, he found the gravity and finally established the classical mechanics. When Watt wonders why the vapor would move the plug of the water jug, he finally invented the steam machine. The progress of the science and our society is a history of asking why and finding out the answers which is replete with reasoning and the cognition of the phenomenon all around the world which we call it intellect. Secondly, the intellect is also being essential in the economic world. It is the mathematics that makes the economics change from a sensitive subject to a quantitive and logical subject. If you have a theory and you want to convince others, you have to get many statistics data and mathematical calculate to convince them. The intellect tells us that we have to change the world by the way of our heads rather than our hearts. Finally, the same importance also occurs in the art field. The cognitive skill to sense the nature is the spirit of the artist. In China, every art student should learn some math since it is beneficial for painting. And some auxiliary knowledge about math can help a people learn to draw quickly, since they can try to remember the proportion of the body and this may make painting easier.
Additionally, we can not imagine a world without intellect. We can not be all philosophers or artists, who actually still need intellect. The product of intellect is everywhere in the modern world, such as the computer, the elevator, the internet and so forth. Without intellect and its products, our life will be totally different.
Nevertheless, the society is not giving it sufficient attention. The teachers are always telling the students to accept the equations and the theories simply. “No reasoning, the scientists have proofed it.” My school teacher told me once when I was young and this really made me sad. The Chinese society and education system is not appreciating the intellect, while they just value the high score. This is really bad for our later generation which may make them stop thinking and wondering.
In summary, considering the importance of the intellect and the society’s ignorance on it, we have to change the present situation. We should place more emphasis on this issue and further make the intellect more useful and beneficial to our life.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-3-20 08:54 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

下次注意一下排版

The proposition suggests that the intellect has been neglected by the society, such as the reasoning and other cognitive skills. While this indication may also neglect the (删) other important elements such as the feelings and sensibilities of the human beings, on balance I fundamentally agree (前面说了while此论断忽略了情感,这里居然来了一个赞成.虽然是用了fundamentally.首段说得这么让人晕菜,大忌.把while改成although.) with the speaker that we should place more emphasis on the intellect, as discussed below.

First of all, I concede that other factors such as the human's sensibility and feeling of the environment is also important for the success of an individual and the well-being of our society. Without mercy and pity, the whole world's stability will be undermined. People will be involved into distrust, conflict or even warfare. (单薄得无法改.基本无论证)

However, the intellect is also (此处用also不够支持文章开头的ts.既然是同等重要凭什么只需要重视智力) very important in all the fields of our life. Firstly, it is somehow for sure (可能是我自己的问题.没见过这种用法.lz确定的话就用吧) in the science field. Without intellect, we may just still be the Adam playing in the Garden of Eden. (why?例子跟ts不match) Without reasoning skills, our “scientists” may be still wondering why the apple will drop from the tree. (这个例子还可以) Intellect is the reason why the human beings are the best species in the world. (一个总领的句子) When the (删) Newton wonders why the apple will fall from the tree, he found the gravity and finally established the classical mechanics. (重复的例子) When Watt wonders why the vapor would move the plug of the water jug, he finally invented the steam machine. (这两个例子没有支持人类为什么是靠着智力变成best的) The progress of the science and our society is a history of asking why and finding out the answers which is replete with reasoning and the cognition of the phenomenon all around the world which we call it intellect. (第一层结构混乱.先说科技方面的作用.中间莫名插了一句Intellect is the reason why the human beings are the best species in the world. 后面又累述了两个只能支持科技发展需要智力的例子.乱得我都有点理不清了.厄~) Secondly, the intellect is also being essential in the economic world. It is the mathematics that makes the economics change from a sensitive subject to a quantitive and logical subject. If you have a theory and you want to convince others, you have to get many statistics data and mathematical calculate to convince them. The intellect tells us that we have to change the world by the way of our heads rather than our hearts. (这么大一段话连经济都没有提到,尤其是后面一句.非常地beat around the bush) Finally, the same importance also occurs in the art field. The cognitive skill to sense the nature is the spirit of the artist. (后面的例子都没有讲到推理是如何s有助于ense的) In China, every art student should learn some math since it is beneficial for painting. (如何beneficial?不具体) And some auxiliary knowledge about math can help a people learn to draw quickly, since they can try to remember the proportion of the body and this may make painting easier. (第三个层次还好.没有总结)

Additionally, we can not imagine a world without intellect. (ts等于没说.失败) We can not be all philosophers or artists, who actually still need intellect. (不知所云) The product of intellect is everywhere in the modern world, such as the computer, the elevator, the internet and so forth. Without intellect and its products, our life will be totally different. (sigh.不知道你这段到底想说什么前面说人,后面说智力的成果遍布世界.单薄不说,跟上一段到底什么关系?上一段是分领域来说智力的影响,这一段算什么?)

Nevertheless, the society is not giving it (前面无指代,这里应该明确写出it是什么) sufficient attention. The teachers are always telling the students to accept the equations and the theories simply. “No reasoning, the scientists have proofed it.” (没看懂) My school teacher told me once when I was young and this really made me sad. The Chinese society (自曝身份.不要这样说china,不用涉及具体地域) and education system is not appreciating the intellect, while they just value the high score. (前面说的是只要accept,这里变成hig score.不好) This is really bad for our later generation which may make them stop thinking and wondering. (思维不连续.句与句之间概念经常转换.)

In summary, considering the importance of the intellect and the society’s ignorance on it, we have to change the present situation. We should place more emphasis on this issue and further make the intellect more useful and beneficial to our life.

除了智力,如情感等,同样重要性--->智力的重要性(2个body)--->然而智力没有得到足够重视

思路还算清楚

没有说出智力之于感情的优势,
也没有提到情感的重视程度是否足够 从而让人无法信服凭什么要重点照顾智力.
只是顺着题目的意思把题目都解释了一遍
而且微观的论证做得也不好.结构比较乱
思维经常跳跃

多多看ets给的范文吧

JohneyWoodUID: 2307381

TOPIC: ISSUE47 - "Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills."

WORDS: 586          TIME: n久          DATE: 2007-3-19

昨天寝室熄灯，借同学机器发了下帖，现在补上，希望来得及~~

那天看了iq28版主的评价以后，一直都在想到底怎么写这篇，因为自己也觉得上次写得太滥。所以基本全盘改写了了一下，如下：

The proposition suggests that the intellect has been neglected by the society, such as the reasoning and other cognitive skills. While this indication may also neglect the other important elements such as the feelings and sensibilities of the human beings, on balance I fundamentally agree with the speaker that we should place more emphasis on the intellect, as discussed below. (全部有问题，换掉！！！"In my point of view, I fundamentally agree with the author, since the society's misunderstanding of intelligence is leading much emphasis on other useless factors, as discussed below.")

First of all, I concede that other factors such as the human's sensibility and feeling of the environment is also important for the success of an individual and the well-being of our society. Without concentrating on mercy and pity, the whole world's stability will be undermined. People will be involved into distrust, conflict or even warfare.;
换！！
"To begin with, I have to emphasize the defination of intelligence, which mean the skill to cognize the facts, to suspect the present theory, to reason the unknown phenomenon and to find ways to reach the truth. However, the society is placing more emphasis on other factors and misunderstands what the intellect really means. In China, the parents, the teachers, the schools and even the entire society is just concerning about the scores that a child can get in the exam. When we advance from the middle school to the high school, from the high school to the colledge and even from the colledge to the society, all what the people concern about is the score we get in the exams. No one really cares about the truely ability of intelect, or even they think that the scores are the interlect. This is really ridiculous, while the society is just more and more emphasis on this. Many students with high scores are proved to be lacking necessary abilities during their work according to a national statistics. We have to realize our misunderstanding of the intellect and put more emphasis on it in this condition."
However, the intellect is also very important in all the fields of our life as well. Firstly, it is somehow for sure in the science field. Without intellect, we may just still be the Adam playing in the Garden of Eden. Without reasoning skills, our “scientists” may be still wondering why the apple will drop from the tree. Intellect is the reason why the human beings are the best species in the world. When the Newton wonders why the apple will fall from the tree, he found the gravity and finally established the classical mechanics. When Watt wonders why the vapor would move the plug of the water jug, he finally invented the steam machine. The progress of the science and our society is a history of asking why and finding out the answers which is replete with reasoning and the cognition of the phenomenon all around the world which we call it intellect. Secondly, the intellect is also essential in the economic world as well.It is the mathematics that makes the economics change from a sensitive subject to a quantitive and logical subject. If you have a theory and you want to convince others, you have to get many statistics data and mathematical calculate to convince them. The intellect tells us that we have to change the world by the way of our heads rather than our hearts. Finally, the same importance also occurs in the art field. The cognitive skill to sense the nature is the spirit of the artist. In China, every art student should learn some math since it is beneficial for painting. And some auxiliary knowledge about math can help a people learn to draw quickly, since they can try to remember the proportion of the body and this may make painting easier.
再换！！！
"Additionally, it is also necessary for us to see how important the real intellect is in the progress of science field. The progress of knowledge and science field is replete with the thinking and reasoning as a result of the intellect. Without the intellegence, the science may stop its development. For instance, the long debate of the property of light between the scientists is a good example. To cognize and reason the fact of the light's property, many scientist did a lot of jobs. Newton first announced that the light is made up of particles after thinking carefully, while later the Huygens debated that the light is actually a kind of wave.  But no one can prove this. After years of study, the Young's double-slit experiment was found. Scientists then began to believe in the Huygens' theory since the wave property can better explain the experiment. Later, Hertz and Lenard found the "Photo electronic effect" and the wave property again becomes insufficient. Einstein then advanced the quantum theory and finally we know that the light has both the two properties. From this debate, we can find that how imprtant the real intellet is, which means to cognize the facts, to suspect the present theory, to reason the unknown phenomenon and to find ways to reach the truth. In one word, the real intellect is vital to our society."
Additionally, we can not imagine a world without intellect. We can not be all philosophers or artists, who actually still need intellect. The product of intellect is everywhere in the modern world, such as the computer, the elevator, the internet and so forth. Without intellect and its products, our life will be totally different.
Nevertheless, the society is not giving it sufficient attention. The teachers are always telling the students to accept the equations and the theories simply. “No reasoning, the scientists have proofed it.” My school teacher told me once when I was young and this really made me sad. The Chinese society and education system is not appreciating the intellect, while they just value the high score. This is really bad for our later generation which may make them stop thinking and wondering.
换换换！！！
"Finally, we shall see that the other factors of the society and the individuals are also important as well, such as the sensitivity of the nature and the feeling of our environment. The arts, for example, can make people to think more, to feel more, and to thank more about our life. Standing infront the famous paiting "sunrise", which was painted by the famous artist Monet,and reading the novel "One hundred years of solitude", which was written by Garcia Marquez, we can try to understand the true meaning of life. And it is also important to study the history which may endow us the patriotism. In sum, though we have to correct the misunderstanding of the intellect and place more emphasis on it, our society should concern about other important factors as well."

In summary, considering the importance of the intellect and the society’s ignorance (and misunderstanding) on it, we have to change the present situation. (Further, I conside that we shall place emphasis on other factors as well. However, as we know that the intellect and other important factors are not exclusive.) We should place more emphasis on this issue and further make the intellect more useful and beneficial to our life.

朋友们如果有精力能帮我看看逻辑就好~感觉还是有点乱~~~谢谢~~！！！

[ 本帖最后由 JohneyWood 于 2007-3-26 11:54 编辑 ]

JohneyWoodUID: 2307381

在此谢谢iq28上次的认真修改
能看完我原先作文的人我都很佩服了~
我自己都看得郁闷。。。。。