ARGUMENT65 没几天考了 求拍 欢迎指正 谢谢!

jswpcUID：2158651

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 380          TIME: 0:29:46          DATE: 2007-3-25

In the argument above, the author proclaims that the company should concentrate domestice cheeses instead of stocking imported cheeses. In order to establish his assumption, he enumerates the survey results and also provides some facts. Although it seems credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal some hidden flaws in his reasoning.

In the first place, the author provides no evidence that the survey's sample are statistically reliable. In order to establish a correlation between the domestic cheeses and the magazine's subscribers, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of the overall population. Maybe someone who is taken by this survey （这个感觉表达有问题，请大侠指点一下）eats domestic cheeses for a long time and never chooses imported cheeses at all. While it is true that he/she does prefer domestic cheeses, this is not true for everyone. Lacking evidence that the survey's sample are sufficient representative, the author cannot rely on the survey to draw any conclusion whatsoever.

In addition, even if someone accepts the survey results are sufficient representative, the argument remains questionable. The author makes a fallacy of hasty generalization. Making a assumption that the domestic cheeses will be solden more than imported cheeses based on the preference of people only is unfair.It is highly possible that the imported cheeses have an deeply cheaper price, which always playes a crucial role on determining people choice. Moreover, a successful advertisement for imported cheeses can also attract more consumer. Actually, the conclusion that domestic cheeses are more welcomed most likely turn out to be ineffective and somewhat misleading.

In the third place, even if all the people prefer to the domestic cheeses, as everyone's known, profit is a mixture of not only revenue but also costs. It is entirely possible that the carriage and tariff costs will offset the additional revenue. Besides, the author provides no evidence that the quality of domestic cheeses is better than imported cheeses, so we cannot ignore the possible risk that the cheeses will be decomposed. All the possibilities might prevent the company from being as profitable in the foreseeable future as the argument predicts.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer's claim. Only when the author substantiates more statements, can I be fully convinced.

这是我第一次放自己的文章 不知道在考试中大概是几分的标准，请有经验的朋友路过帮忙说一下  感激不尽

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-25 22:44 编辑 ]

expire7UID：2160574

4分左右
展开不够。都是把题目反复再说。自己的攻击不够充实。尽量做到两层以上的攻击。perhaps, or perhaps。 Possibly, or Possibly等等。
模版化比较严重。

jswpcUID：2158651

哦 大致明白斑竹的意思了 方便具体评判一下么 比如句式表达什么的 感激不尽

下去再接着练

jswpcUID：2158651

自己顶一下

iq28UID：2152875

In the argument above, the author proclaims that the company should concentrate domestice cheeses instead of stocking imported cheeses. In order to establish his assumption, he enumerates the survey results and also provides some facts. Although it seems credible on the surface, closer examination will reveal some hidden flaws in his reasoning. (restate太长了.body写得完美之前不用花太多心思在开头上面,可以参考这个https://bbs.gter.net/thread-607686-1-1.html)

In the first place, the author provides no evidence that the survey's sample are statistically reliable. (这个攻击点是比较低级的.详细参考这个帖子https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=620337&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Ddigest) In order to establish a correlation between the domestic cheeses and the magazine's subscribers, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of the overall population. Maybe someone who is taken by this survey （这个感觉表达有问题，请大侠指点一下） (直接用participant) eats domestic cheeses for a long time and never chooses imported cheeses at all. While it is true that he/she does prefer domestic cheeses, this is not true for everyone. Lacking evidence that the survey's sample are sufficient representative, the author cannot rely on the survey to draw any conclusion whatsoever. (尽量不要攻击survey中没有涉及到的背景)

In addition, even if someone accepts the survey results are sufficient representative, the argument remains questionable. (让步是好的,不过第一句最好就要给出这一段你要攻击哪个点) The author makes a fallacy of hasty generalization. (仍然看不出你要攻击什么.而且用模版用的很蹩脚.模版的句子看上去很正式,自己论证的句子却非常的随意,反差太强烈,看了让人觉得便扭.建议少用模版) Making a(n) assumption that the domestic cheeses will be solden more than imported cheeses based on the preference of people only is unfair. (作者没有提到这句话.而且到了这里还是不知道你要攻击文章中哪一个点) It is highly possible that the imported cheeses have an deeply cheaper price, which always playes a crucial role on determining people choice. Moreover, a successful advertisement for imported cheeses can also attract more consumer. (上面两个实例都没有反驳国产奶酪销量高的论点.只能说国产奶酪销量高的原因不是奶酪本身) Actually, the conclusion that domestic cheeses are more welcomed most likely turn out to be ineffective and somewhat misleading.

In the third place, even if all the people prefer to the domestic cheeses, as everyone's known, profit is a mixture of not only revenue but also costs. It is entirely possible that the carriage and tariff costs will offset the additional revenue. (模版.没有本题的特色.只要说到卖东西的利润都可以套用这句话.深度不够) Besides, the author provides no evidence that the quality of domestic cheeses is better than imported cheeses, so we cannot ignore the possible risk that the cheeses will be decomposed. (这个攻击点有点无厘头了...) All the possibilities might prevent the company from being as profitable in the foreseeable future as the argument predicts.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer's claim. Only when the author substantiates more statements, can I be fully convinced.

问题相当严重
语言比较稚嫩
错误很多

攻击点选取不好

段落内的ts阐述也有问题

lz要努力了
多去看看坛子里argument精华区的别人的文章吧

加油