argument38 同主题

zhizi522UID: 2307341

第一次下狠心限时，没成功，汗。。。B2除主题句以外是到时间后出来在记事本写的，因为写到一半自己晕了，所以先赶的B3。



TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 449          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-3-30

In this argument, the author concludes that daily use of the Ichthaid will prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, close canvass of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the arguer's claim.

To begin with, the mere fact that people in East Meria eat more fish and visit the doctor less for the treatment of colds does not indicate that fish is conducive to prevent colds. First, visiting the doctor less does not mean that people are having fewer colds. It is entirely possible that in East Meria, a large percent of the people would treat themselves at home by having some medicine when they catch a cold instead of visiting the doctor. In this case, it will make no sense that fewer people are visiting the doctor. In addition, given that people who catch cold are few, there is still possibility that other factors, which are more important than the fish consumption, are account for the low level. Perhaps climate in East Media is mild which does not change significantly during the year, or people there do much exercise and eat much fruit which make it a nature for them to have less cold. Thus, without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion is open to doubt.

Even if one accept that eating more fish is the main reason for the low level of colds in East Meria, the experience may not adapt to West Meria. There may be many distinctions between these two cities. Perhaps the food style of the cities is far from the same. It is likely that East Meria people generally eat food contain little component that can also be found in fish, which make the consumption of fish very helpful to their health, while residents in West Meria will eat some other food similar to the functions of fish, such as beef, pork and so forth. If this is the case, the people in West Media will benefit little from more consumption of fish and thus the colds will stay stable.

Finally, granted that the forgoing assumes are both substantiate, whether the Ichthaid will lower absenteeism is still open to doubt. First, Ichthaid is just a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, a possibility is that it is some other components of the fish, such as the meat, that will contribute to prevent the colds rather than fish oil, and thus, use of the medicine derived from fish oil will be useless. In addition, given that the Ichthaid will be useful to prevent cold, the absenteeism may not decrease. It is entirely possible that the cold is not the main reason for the absenteeism. Perhaps many of the faculty take the cold as an excuse to absent from work, instead, other factors, including that they do not like the job very much, or their family has been bogged down in a difficult situation which need much time to deal with, may be the true reasons. Thus, the author should try to find the reality and focus on them to decrease the absenteeism.

In conclusion, the reasoning of the arguer lack sufficient evidence and comprehensive consideration as discussed above.

annlyseaUID: 2219320

嘿嘿~~
没关系的 接着努力就好
我这篇也没有500+
有点小小的郁闷 HUHU

荧惑UID: 2280559

按规则是我拍你的吧，先拍了...
----
In this argument, the author concludes that daily use of the Ichthaid will prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, close canvass of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the arguer's claim.

To begin with, the mere fact that people in East Meria eat more fish and visit the doctor less for the treatment of colds does not indicate that fish is conducive to prevent colds. First, visiting the doctor less does not mean that people are having fewer colds. It is entirely possible that in East Meria, a large percent of the people would treat themselves at home by having some medicine when they catch a cold instead of visiting the doctor. In this case, it will make no sense that fewer people are visiting the doctor. In addition, given that people who catch cold are few, there is still possibility that other factors which are more important than the fish consumption, are account for the low level. Perhaps climate in East Media is mild which does not change significantly during the year, or people there do much exercise and eat much fruit which make it a nature for them to have less cold. Thus, without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion is open to doubt.

Even if one accept that eating more fish is the main reason for the low level of colds in East Meria, the experience may not adapt to West Meria. There may be many distinctions between these two cities. Perhaps the food style of the cities is far from the same. It is likely that East Meria people generally eat food contain little component that can also be found in fish, which make the consumption of fish very helpful to their health, while residents in West Meria will eat some other food similar to the functions of fish, such as beef, pork and so forth. If this is the case, the people in West Media will benefit little from more consumption of fish and thus the colds will stay stable.
--第一个Body很清晰，但第二个就不知所云了
--逻辑很混乱...
--你想表达的意思是West Meria即使吃鱼也有可能不能受益？？？那你后面的ex中的beef, port...有什么用啊？？？
--ex的前一段也看不懂。

Finally, granted that the forgoing assumes are both substantiate, whether the Ichthaid will lower absenteeism is still open to doubt. First, Ichthaid is just a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, a possibility is that it is some other components of the fish, such as the meat, that will contribute to prevent the colds rather than fish oil, and thus, use of the medicine derived from fish oil will be useless. In addition, given that the Ichthaid will be useful to prevent cold, the absenteeism may not decrease. It is entirely possible that the cold is not the main reason for the absenteeism. Perhaps many of the faculty take the cold as an excuse to absent from work, instead, other factors, including that they do not like the job very much, or their family has been bogged down in a difficult situation which need much time to deal with, may be the true reasons.--感觉有一个就可以了，两个有点多余. Thus, the author should try to find the reality and focus on them to decrease the absenteeism.
--第一个ＥＸ实在不能理解，什么叫such as meat??你是想说鱼肉有用，鱼油没用？？这句话太长，根本不能表达清。
--看了这个ＥＸ发现一些你一贯性的问题，句子太长了，且不说是不是有语法问题，这么长的句子，成分太多，稍有不慎就不能表达出自己想要的意思。



In conclusion, the reasoning of the arguer lack sufficient evidence and comprehensive consideration as discussed above.

其实你一共攻击了５点，
Body1两点比较清晰，８错。
Body2是ＦＡ吧，但ex不知所云
Body3也是两点，但这两点放在一起太牵强了，之间没什么联系。
Anyway, 加油～

zhizi522UID: 2307341

原帖由 荧惑 于 2007-3-30 13:55 发表
--第一个Body很清晰，但第二个就不知所云了
--逻辑很混乱...
--你想表达的意思是West Meria即使吃鱼也有可能不能受益？？？那你后面的ex中的beef, port...有什么用啊？？？
--ex的前一段也看不懂。

汗，因为只有第一个B是正常的写出来的。。。后面就都是在赶。。自己都有点晕。。
恩B2想说的是EM适用WM不一定适用，也就是错误类比，举例想说两地饮食结构差异，EM的人吃的其他食物都不具有鱼的营养价值，比如都素食（当时没想起来怎么写），而WM吃的东西已经包含了鱼所含的营养价值，（一时没想起来就当成肉类举了两个）这样呢再吃鱼也不会有太大用处。。

不过细想想这个点好像找的不是很好，下手写的时候貌似想的不是这个但写着写着没想到没忘了。。。

原帖由 荧惑 于 2007-3-30 13:55 发表
--第一个ＥＸ实在不能理解，什么叫such as meat??你是想说鱼肉有用，鱼油没用？？这句话太长，根本不能表达清。
--看了这个ＥＸ发现一些你一贯性的问题，句子太长了，且不说是不是有语法问题，这么长的句子，成分太多，稍有不慎就不能表达出自己想要的意思。

恩，是想说鱼之所以有用不在于鱼油来着，汗。。恩，可能句子是有点问题，比较习惯性的一逗号到底了
反省。。

B3的安排考虑的是整体攻击他的结论阿，因为鱼油和减少absenteeism都属于结论提出的，这样可以算作他们之间的一点关系么？

恩，先谢过了，呵呵。

iq28UID: 2152875

In this argument, the author concludes that daily use of the Ichthaid will prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, close canvass of the evidence provided by the author reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the arguer's claim.

To begin with, the mere fact that people in East Meria eat more fish and visit the doctor less for the treatment of colds does not indicate that fish is conducive to prevent colds. First, visiting the doctor less does not mean that people are having fewer colds. (这一句是目前看到的攻击看医生少不等于感冒少最简洁明了的.bingo) It is entirely possible that in East Meria, a large percent of the people would treat themselves at home by having some medicine when they catch a cold instead of visiting the doctor. In this case, it will make no sense that fewer people are visiting the doctor. (无可挑剔.非常好) In addition, given that people who catch cold are few, there is still possibility that other factors, which are more important than the fish consumption, are account for the low level. (太仁慈了.不要说more important了,直接就是攻击没有证据表明是鱼的作用,然后开始列举别的可能原因) Perhaps climate in East Media is mild which does not change significantly during the year, or people there do much exercise and eat much fruit which make it a nature for them to have less cold. Thus, without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion is open to doubt. (总地来说这段确实不错!)

Even if one accept that eating more fish is the main reason for the low level of colds in East Meria, the experience may not adapt to West Meria. There may be many distinctions between these two cities. (点明这些区别会导致鱼对于感冒的作用不同) Perhaps the food style of the cities is far from the same. It is likely that East Meria people generally eat food contain little component that can also be found in fish, which make the consumption of fish very helpful to their health, while residents in West Meria will eat some other food similar to the functions of fish, such as beef, pork and so forth. If this is the case, the people in West Media will benefit little from more consumption of fish and thus the colds will stay stable. (没看懂你这段要说什么.比较失败的段落.似乎还是在攻击感冒降低是否是鱼的效果)

Finally, granted that the forgoing assumes are both substantiate, whether the Ichthaid will lower absenteeism is still open to doubt. (这两个,ichthaid和absenteeism还是不要放在一起攻击吧) First, Ichthaid is just a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, a possibility is that it is some other components of the fish, such as the meat, that will contribute to prevent the colds rather than fish oil, and thus, use of the medicine derived from fish oil will be useless. (这一层攻击还可以) In addition, given that the Ichthaid will be useful to prevent cold, the absenteeism may not decrease. It is entirely possible that the cold is not the main reason for the absenteeism. Perhaps many of the faculty take the cold as an excuse to absent from work, (看来这个问题很严重,都是先说不是main reason,然后又说感冒其实是借口.不匹配.看来这个问题需要总结一下) instead, other factors, including that they do not like the job very much, or their family has been bogged down in a difficult situation which need much time to deal with, may be the true reasons. Thus, the author should try to find the reality and focus on them to decrease the absenteeism. (后面倒是列举了不少和感冒平行的可以导致迟到的.不过为什么要放在excute这个另外一层的反例的后面说呢?总之顺序安排不是很好)

In conclusion, the reasoning of the arguer lack sufficient evidence and comprehensive consideration as discussed above.

第一个body写的不错
后面的不是很好
尤其第二个body,看了不知所云