argument153 -anan

zsa1983UID: 2299564

Argument153  第14篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：63分15秒    503 words
从2007年3月5日11时40分到2007年3月5日12时63分
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The following is from an editorial in the Midvale Observer, a local newspaper.
'Ever since the 1950's, when television sets began to appear in the average home, the rate of crimes committed by teenagers in the country of Alta has steadily increased. This increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. According to several national studies, even very young children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. Furthermore, in a survey conducted by the Observer, over 90 percent of the respondents were parents who indicated that prime-time television—programs that are shown between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.—should show less violence. Therefore, in order to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, television viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time.'
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The speaker want to show us that there is a certain relationship between the rate of crimes committed by teenagers and the increase in violence shown on television. To certify such a relationship, the speaker should provide convincing evidence either that there is not any other factor causing such rate of crimes increasing or that there are greatly clear details to support his assertion. But he fails. From the editorial, none evidence is as mentioned.

First of all, other factors that can cause such rate of crimes increasing are not considered by the speaker. Obviously, there are many factors that can affect the children and abet them to criminate such as the family, the school, and so forth. Perhaps that many families in Alta are in trouble of economy or sensing, or the parents pay no attention to their children, makes the children feel lonely, worried, and the like, and then such feeling cause them to vent by crimination. In that matter, perhaps schools are giving some bad inducing on students by some criminative books and magazines. However, the speaker does nothing on ruling out such factors.

Secondly, may the speaker want to provide greatly clear details to support his assertion, but such evidence including the mentioned studies and survey he cites is not enough. To begin with, consider whether we should lend our trust to such studies and survey. Who provide such studies? And could it be believed? Does its researcher are scientific or its methods rational? The speaker cannot ensure anything about these questions. And then, how can these studies support his assertion? Besides, even assuming that such studies and survey are according to the fact, still these cannot prove the speaker's assertion are correct. On the one hand, the studies that even very young who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment that do children who do not watch violent shows does necessarily indicate that the children who display more violent behavior will criminate as the same. The speaker wrongly equates the displaying violent behavior to crimes. What a fun that we identify person who talk to his friends "I will kill you" for a laugh as a crime. On the other hand, that over 90 percent of respondents were parents who indicated that prime-time television-programs that are shown between 7 p.m. and 9p.m.--should show less violence also accomplishes nothing toward bolster the speaker's assertion. Perhaps that the parents indicated prime-time television should show less violence just because that they do not prefer to watch such kinds of programs, or in certain prime time, they more like other programs such as news recording, or other type films. In short, only to provide such evidence is far to enough to support the speaker's assertion.

In sum, the speaker should supply more convincing evidence to make his assertion credible,  that excluding any other factor causing such rate of crimes increasing, or giving greatly clear details to prove his assertion rational.

PrudenceUID: 2286952

The speaker want to show us that there is a certain relationship between the rate of crimes committed by teenagers and the increase in violence shown on television. To certify such a relationship, the speaker should provide convincing evidence either that there is not any other factor causing such rate of crimes increasing or that there are greatly clear details to support his assertion（感觉像结尾句的）. But he fails. From the editorial, none evidence is as mentioned.First of all, other factors that can cause such（去掉）increasingrate of crimes increasing（去掉） are not considered by the speaker. Obviously, there are many factors that can affect the children and abet them to criminate such as the family, the school, and so forth(你这样写太恐怖了). Perhaps that many families in Alta are in trouble of economy or sensing, or the parents pay no attention to their children, makes the children feel lonely, worried, and the like, and then such feeling cause them to vent by crimination. In that matter, perhaps schools are giving some bad inducing on students by some criminative books and magazines（学校都赶上黑社会了）. However, the speaker does nothing on ruling out such factors.Secondly, may the speaker want to provide greatly clear details to support his assertion, but such evidence including the mentioned studies and survey he cites is not enough.（病句）To begin with, consider whether we should lend our trust to such studies and survey（把你的态度明确的表示出来）. Who provide such studies? And could it be believed? Does its researcher are scientific or its methods rational? The speaker cannot ensure anything about these questions. And then, how can these studies support his assertion?（不合适） Besides, even assuming that such studies and survey are according to the fact, still these cannot prove the speaker's assertion are correct. On the one hand, the studies that even very young who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment that do children who do not watch violent shows does necessarily indicate that the children who display more violent behavior will criminate as the same. The speaker wrongly equates the displaying violent behavior to crimes. What a fun that we identify person who talk to his friends "I will kill you" for a laugh as a crime. On the other hand, that over 90 percent of respondents were parents who indicated that prime-time television-programs that are shown between 7 p.m. and 9p.m.--should show less violence also accomplishes nothing toward bolster the speaker's assertion. Perhaps that the parents indicated prime-time television should show less violence just because that they do not prefer to watch such kinds of programs, or in certain prime time, they more like other programs such as news recording, or other type films. In short, only to provide such evidence is far to enough to support the speaker's assertion.把两个调查分开写In sum, the speaker should supply more convincing evidence to make his assertion credible,  that excluding any other factor causing such rate of crimes increasing, or giving greatly clear details to prove his assertion rational.