Issue208 真正意义的第一篇I 心力交瘁中 by ploplo

ploploUID: 2320001

“知耻后勇”。前一方面我做得很好了，在努力做后一方面。请痛宰 :mad :mad :mad

题目：ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
字数：563          用时：上午 01:30:00          日期：2007-4-10

It is generally accepted that people's appearance and behavior can imply their incline of value. Although sometimes it may not be the case, I am still mostly in favor of this viewpoint.

To begin with, changes in people's appearance always coincide with the value changes of society. Generally speaking, with the development of nation, people's concepts of value pursuing vary simultaneity, which is especially focused on their clothes. As it is in 1960's of China, almost everyone was in grey, brown or other dark colors in order to be uniform. However, people in 1980s, the years China began to open its door to the whole world, prefer flares which are tight and colorful. And the value they cared much about was fashion. While when it comes to 21st century, that is nowadays, no definite style is defined to be the typical one and people will dress themselves as they like. As the diversity of the clothing indicates, the values they hold has changed for presenting themselves to be unique. So we may conclude that it is easy to get information about the people's ideas in the whole society when we look over people's appearance.

  In addition, even in the same era, the appearance may also help us to know well about people's value and idea. We may always suppose a person about its profession and background simply by its wearing. Imagine when we come across a man with trim suit and glossy shoes, possibly we might regard him as a business man, and the information he sends to us is his ambition of winning in the tough competition and gaining much profit. Similarly, a worker who always works in factory will undoubtedly choose hemp uniform which is durable and comfortable enough so that he can perform well when operating the machines. Also, the purpose why a chef wears white hat and clothes is to give costumers an idea that the food he makes is as clean as his wearing. Examples all above point to the conclusion that what people's appearance always carry information and can tell their values they are in pursuit of.

  Admittedly, sometime appearance and behavior might be misleading and hardly can tell people's ideas. As the Chinese proverb says "One can never judge a person by its appearance only", what we saw might cover the fact and lead us to wrong direction. Take Hugo's world famous work "Notre Dame De Paris", which contains So many counterexamples, for example. The Archdeacon Claude, who always in decency appeared to be a man of honor, did lots of wicked things without anyone's knowing. It is not easy to reveal his quality, if we simply evaluate from his appearance and behavior. While Quasimodo, the ugly and poor-dressed hunchbacked bell-ringer, who was instructed by Claude to kidnap pretty gypsy dancer Esmeralda, was eventually proved to be kindhearted and became the only one who secure Esmeralda to the cathedral. Similarly we might ignore his kindness if we only care exterior rather than interior. Wrong judgment always comes from hasty and superficial ideas. Consequently, it is not always the case that all the valee and quality of people are implied by their appearance and behavior.

  To sum up, as long as we do not judge people by their appearance and behavior without questioning, we can get much information and tell the values and ideas in this way.

[ 本帖最后由 ploplo 于 2007-4-11 09:14 编辑 ]

iq28UID: 2152875

It is generally accepted that people's appearance and behavior can imply their incline of value. Although sometimes it may not be the case, I am still mostly in favor of this viewpoint. (简明)

To begin with, changes in people's appearance always coincide with the value changes of society. (清晰.下面论证如果能着力于change则成功) Generally speaking, with the development of nation, people's concepts of value pursuing vary simultaneity, which is especially focused on their clothes. (不令人信服,基本等同于强行重复自己的论点) As it is in 1960's of China, almost everyone was in grey, brown or other dark colors in order to be uniform. (简约而match,例子就是要这样展开.不错) (看了下面的例子,发现原来还有这么多...中间一定要明确点出某种服饰代表的社会观念是什么,就像紫色的部分.80那一层的这一点就没有做好) However, people in 1980s, the years China began to open its door to the whole world, prefer flares which are tight and colorful. And the value they cared much about was fashion. While when it comes to 21st century, that is nowadays, no definite style is defined to be the typical one and people will dress themselves as they like. As the diversity of the clothing indicates, the values they hold has changed for presenting themselves to be unique. So we may conclude that it is easy to get information about the people's ideas in the whole society when we look over people's appearance. (说理太少,例子后面直接就结为了)

  In addition, even (没看出两段之间有明显的递进) in the same era, the appearance may also help us to know well about people's value and idea. We may always suppose a person about its profession (职业相对于态度还有兴趣还是太浅薄了一点) and background simply by its wearing. Imagine when we come across a man with trim suit and glossy shoes, possibly we might regard him as a business man, (牵强) and the information he sends to us is his ambition of winning in the tough competition and gaining much profit. (更牵强了) Similarly, a worker who always works in factory will undoubtedly choose hemp uniform which is durable and comfortable enough so that he can perform well when operating the machines. Also, the purpose why a chef wears white hat and clothes is to give costumers an idea that the food he makes is as clean as his wearing. (偏离了,全部都是职业.) Examples all above point to the conclusion that what people's appearance always carry information and can tell their values they are in pursuit of. (本段基本无论证,全是例子,而且还有偏题之嫌)

  Admittedly, sometime appearance and behavior might be misleading and hardly can tell people's ideas. As the Chinese proverb says "One can never judge a person by its appearance only", what we saw might cover the fact and lead us to wrong direction. (应该是全文我看到的第一句正面论证) Take Hugo's world famous work "Notre Dame De Paris", which contains So many counterexamples, for example. The Archdeacon Claude, who always in decency appeared to be a man of honor, did lots of wicked things without anyone's knowing. It is not easy to reveal his quality, if we simply evaluate from his appearance and behavior. While Quasimodo, the ugly and poor-dressed hunchbacked bell-ringer, who was instructed by Claude to kidnap pretty gypsy dancer Esmeralda, was eventually proved to be kindhearted and became the only one who secure Esmeralda to the cathedral. Similarly we might ignore his kindness if we only care exterior rather than interior. Wrong judgment always comes from hasty and superficial ideas. (例子还好.总结无升华) Consequently, it is not always the case that all the valee and quality of people are implied by their appearance and behavior.

  To sum up, as long as we do not judge people by their appearance and behavior without questioning, we can get much information and tell the values and ideas in this way.

段落之间逻辑性不强
前两段无论证
第二段有偏题之嫌
第三段还好
加油

ploploUID: 2320001

非常感谢斑斑的狠批，重新修改了。烦劳IQ同学在小小指点下。看这会好些了没。
拜谢中！

修改后~
body段:

注：蓝色为重写或修改内容




To begin with, an individual's appearance and behaviors always provide information about one's interests and attitudes. As everyone has its own distinguished characteristic, the most direct and effective way to analyze it is by observing its looking, acting, as well as other factors shown. Thousands of fans imitate David Beckham's cockscomb hairstyle after the World Cup, from which we may clearly see the fervor that his fans holding on him and their desire to be look like their idols. This is just a simple example to show that appearance reveals one's interest. Also we may judge one's attitude on certain affair simply by his/her behaviors. People who always sit in the front and ask reasonable questions when listening a report generally holds a active and enterprising attitude. Their action to show interests and respect is best proof on their value. So by observing one's appearance and behaviors, we may know much about its interest and attitude.

  In addition, not only can we judge a individual by one’s appearance, but also the changes of whole nation’s appearance reveals the changes of the society. We may know a whole society’s value and ideas when studying the appearance of its people, especially from their dressing. As it is in 1960's of China, almost everyone was in grey, brown or other dark colors in order to be uniform. However, people in 1980s, the years China began to open its door to the whole world, prefer flares which are tight and colorful. It is fashion rather than other factors people care about most in this period. While when it comes to 21st century, that is nowadays, no definite style is defined to be the typical one and people will dress themselves as they like. As the diversity of the clothing indicates, the values they hold has changed for presenting themselves to be unique.The changes of appearance shows the value people consider vary from time to time. And it always give us a hint about what people are interested in. So we may conclude that it is easy to get information about the people's ideas in the whole society when we look over people's appearance.  

Admittedly, sometime appearance and behavior might be misleading and hardly can tell people's ideas. As the Chinese proverb says "One can never judge a person by its appearance only", what we saw might cover the fact and lead us to wrong direction. Take Hugo's world famous work "Notre Dame De Paris", which contains So many counterexamples, for example. The Archdeacon Claude, who always in decency appeared to be a man of honor, did lots of wicked things without anyone's knowing. It is not easy to reveal his quality, if we simply evaluate from his appearance and behavior. While Quasimodo, the ugly and poor-dressed hunchbacked bell-ringer, who was instructed by Claude to kidnap pretty gypsy dancer Esmeralda, was eventually proved to be kindhearted and became the only one who secure Esmeralda to the cathedral. Similarly we might ignore his kindness if we only care exterior rather than interior. Wrong judgment always comes from hasty and superficial ideas. And it is unwise to ignore other factors when observing someone. Only by looking over both their external and internal part can we get to know them accurately and profoundly.


[ 本帖最后由 ploplo 于 2007-4-12 09:04 编辑 ]