argument38 0706G--4月底最后冲刺作文小组第一次作业

cici0017UID: 2229984

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 440(495)         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-4-11

The argument is not cogent because it suffers several flaws on the author's contention. By citing the fact that a study reports that people visit doctor few times in nearby East Meria where fish consumption is very high. However, there are several other possibilities why one cannot assert that use Ichthaid derived from fish oil and this questionable evidence is of help to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

First of all, for a study to be accurate, it needs to be under a controlled environment. In the above study, though, we have nothing about the age, background, dietary habit, and general health of people involved. If all of the people in the study are young people and thus be at small risk of catching colds just because of their age. Further, if most of people there have strong physical fit everyday, or make well protection from catching colds, it is hard to say that fish is responsible for avoiding the cold. Or perhaps people there have a regular dietary habit which is contribute to prevent colds rather than eating much fish. If so, with considering these factors, the author cannot easily convince me that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds.

We might still ask: Does all the people in East Meria eat a substantial amount of fish every day? Can it be an odd that just part of people eat fish casually or eat little of it? Does the high fish consumption there represent that people eat fish a lot? Can it be a possibility that the exportation of fish make fish consumption high rather than the consumption of the local residents? Hence, before answering all these questions, the author's assertion that people in East Meria consume amount of fish is open to doubt.

What is more, granted that fish consumption there is very high, the author's assumption that using Ichthaid derived from fish oil is of help to prevent colds and lower absenteeism, yet provide no evidence to support it in two respect. First, the author unfairly equates fish with fish oil. Common sense tells me that the function of fish and fish oil has huge differences. May be there is something in fish oil which can adversely affect on preventing colds, or even decreasing their immunity to avoid cold. Before confirming this problem, the author cannot make any recommendations to suggest that this supplement is of use to prevent colds. In addition, even assuming this supplement is conductive to avoid colds, the author fails to take into account other possibilities can lower absenteeism. Such as the stronger restriction on the absenteeism, or make more strict discipline on the teacher. Either scenario, if true, could cast considerable problems on the author's assumption.

To sum up, although fish might have some effect on preventing colds, the author fails to provide more detail information to demonstrate that the fish and Ichthaid have the same impact on preventing colds, and could actually lower absenteeism.

寂寞樱花UID: 2306511

The argument is not cogent because it suffers several flaws on the author's contention. By citing the fact that a study reports that people visit doctor few times in nearby East Meria where fish consumption is very high.(这句话的结构好象有问题……再分析一下吧，感觉只有主语……） However, there are several other possibilities why one cannot assert that use Ichthaid derived from fish oil and this questionable evidence（有点指代不清） is of help to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. （整个这句话读完感觉不是很明了，建议改的清楚一点）

First of all, for a study to be accurate（accurate study）, it needs to be under a controlled environment. In the above study, though（在这里是转折么？好象没有看出有转折的意思）, we have nothing about the age, background, dietary habit, and general health of people involved. If all of the people in the study are young people and thus be at small risk of catching colds just because of their age. Further, if most of people there have strong physical fit everyday, or make well protection from catching colds, it is hard to say that fish is responsible for avoiding the cold. Or perhaps people there have a regular dietary habit which is contribute to prevent colds rather than eating much fish. If so, with considering these factors, the author cannot easily convince me that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds.

We might still ask: Does all the people in East Meria eat a substantial amount of fish every day? Can it be an odd that just part of people eat fish casually or eat little of it? Does the high fish consumption there represent that people eat fish a lot? Can it be a possibility that the exportation of fish make fish consumption high rather than the consumption of the local residents? Hence, before answering all these questions, the author's assertion that people in East Meria consume amount of fish is open to doubt（这个词组不错）.（又是一堆问题的写法，很有气势，但是我一直不知道是不是可以这样写，哪位高手解答一下……）

What is more, granted（恩，这个词也好） that fish consumption there is very high, the author's assumption that using Ichthaid derived from fish oil is of help to prevent colds and lower absenteeism（又是后面没有动宾的，后面一句又是个单独的句子，建议再看一看句子的结构吧）, yet provide no evidence to support it in two respect. First, the author unfairly equates（哈哈，好词好词） fish with fish oil. Common sense tells me that the function of fish and fish oil has huge differences. May be there is something in fish oil which can adversely affect on preventing colds（这个有点牵强了，其实可以说有其他副作用，引起其他病什么的）, or even decreasing their immunity to avoid cold. Before confirming this problem, the author cannot make any recommendations to suggest that this supplement is of use to prevent colds. In addition, even assuming this supplement is conductive to avoid colds, the author fails to take into account other possibilities can lower absenteeism. Such as the stronger restriction on the absenteeism, or make more strict discipline on the teacher. Either scenario, if true, could cast considerable problems on the author's assumption.（这句话……没看懂想说什么……）

To sum up, although fish might have some effect on preventing colds, the author fails to provide more detail information to demonstrate that the fish and Ichthaid have the same impact on preventing colds, and could actually lower absenteeism.

恩，总体来说结构上没有什么大的问题吧，语言上的问题也不是很大，就几个句子结构有点问题，很多词汇用的很好的说，段内的攻击方式多变，很好，不过力度可以加强，请继续加油哦~

cici0017UID: 2229984

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 440(495)         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-4-11

Before concluding Ichthaid derived from fish oil is a good way for people to prevent colds and lower absenteeism, the evidence given in the argument should be examined from several other angles. A study reports that people visit doctor few times in nearby East Meria where fish consumption is very high without any other information which may weaken the result of this study.

First of all, for a study to be accurate, it needs to be under a controlled environment. In the above study, we have nothing about the age, background, dietary habit, and general health of people involved. If all of the people in the study are young people and thus be at small risk of catching colds just because of their age. Further, if most of people there have usual physical fit everyday, or make well protection from catching colds, it is hard to say that fish is responsible for avoiding the cold. Or perhaps people there have regular dietary habit which is contribute to prevent colds rather than eating much fish. If so, with considering these factors, the author cannot easily convince me that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds.

We might still ask: Does all the people in East Meria eat a substantial amount of fish every day? Can it be an odd that just part of people eat fish casually or eat little of it? Does the high fish consumption there represent that people eat fish a lot? Can it be a possibility that the exportation of fish make fish consumption high rather than the consumption of the local residents? Hence, before answering all these questions, the author's assertion that people in East Meria consume amount of fish is open to doubt.

What is more, granted that fish consumption there is very high, the author assumes that using Ichthaid derived from fish oil is of help to prevent colds and lower absenteeism, yet provide no evidence to support it in two respects. First, the author unfairly equates fish with fish oil. Common sense tells me that the function of fish and fish oil has huge differences. May be there is something in fish oil which can cause some effect to decrease their immunity to avoid cold. Before confirming this problem, the author cannot make any recommendations to suggest that this supplement is of use to prevent colds. In addition, even assuming this supplement is conductive to avoid colds, the author fails to take into account other possibilities can lower absenteeism. Such as the stronger restriction on the absenteeism, or make more strict discipline on the faculties. In such cases, unless the author rules out these scenarios, the author’s concerning about this argument is ill proved.

To sum up, although fish might have some effect on preventing colds, the author fails to provide more detail information to demonstrate that the fish and Ichthaid have the same impact on preventing colds, and could actually lower absenteeism.