argument37 特殊篮子是否只来自一个地区

wingerweskerUID??2154168

TOPIC: ARGUMENT37 - Woven basketscharacterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been foundonly in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Paleaand therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently,however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos,an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim Riveris very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed itby boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capableof carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands ofyears after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had noneed to cross the river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, andsmall game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique toPalea.
WORDS: 394 (413)      TIME: 0:36:56          DATE: 2007-4-11

This argument begins by introducing apreviously hold point: woven baskets having distinctive patterns are unique tothe ancient village of Palea. It continues bypresent a series of evidences supporting the opposite view; however, terrainfeatures, Palean ship design skills, abundance of nuts, berries, and smallgames can not rule out exceptional possibilities that justify the previousview.

To begin with, the author's assertion thatancient Paleans can not cross the Brim River is problematic.This argument provides on information concerning the river's condition inancient time, especially the period when Paeans live. Perhaps, at that time, Brim Riveris just a narrow and shallow creek or even did not exist at all, despite itsmodern appearance. If this possibility is validated, the difficulty of Paleanson crossing the river could not hinder such endeavor.

Even if Brim Riverwas as broad and deep as it is now, the author still fails to prove thatPaleans can not cross the river by boats. Possibly, other tribes capable ofmanufacturing boats once stopped near Palea, and then some Paleans got aboardwith the distinctive baskets and traveled as well as distributed the baskets.Before any sound evidence proving that Paleans can not cross the Brim Riveris achieved, the author assumption is unconvincing.

Moreover, the author fails to consider sucha possibility: some baskets, though unique to the village of Palea,were abandoned to the river by accident, natural disaster or even purposely.Under this hypothesis, baskets might float with the stream of Brim River,and later be picked up by people in the village of Lithosor other locations. Though it is too hard to find evidence of this possibility,it is equally impossible to find any to disprove it.

Finally, the author assertion that Paleanshad no need of crossing the Brim River falls into incompletethought. Suppose that, for example, despite local abundance of nuts, berries,and small games, Paleans' food need is not filled. Perhaps people lived in thisvillage feed themselves mainly through meat of large mammals; thus the activityof hunting may require Paleans to cross the river. Unless the author can provethat Paleans' major food is those in abundance at nearby woods, his or herpresupposition is fallacious.

In sum, every evidence presented by theauthor contains logical fallacy, thus turn this paragraph into an unconvincingargument: woven baskets characterized by particulardistinctive pattern are unique to the village of Palea,despite the recent discovery.

ryansandyUID??2315982

哇塞
斑竹写得文章:eek:

荧惑UID??2280559

开头很赞！！！



中间段似乎弱了点...

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

写报告写得累了
占个座，帮斑竹看看
本本快没电了，能看多少改多少吧

This argument begins by introducing a previously hold point: woven baskets having distinctive patterns are unique to the ancient village of Palea. It continues by present a series of evidences supporting the opposite view; however, terrain features, Palean ship design skills, abundance of nuts, berries, and small games can not rule out exceptional possibilities读起来好怪异，什么叫abundance of nuts不能排除异常的可能性，主语怎么能是东西呢 that justify the previous view.

To begin with, the author's assertion that ancient Paleans can not cross the Brim River is problematic.This argument provides on information concerning the river's condition in ancient time, especially the period when Paeans live. Perhaps, at that time, Brim Riveris just a narrow and shallow creek or even did not exist at all, despite its modern appearance. 空洞了些，可以再说一下可能是由于某些因素使得地理情况发生改变，for example the movement of crust等等。。。If this possibility is validated, the difficulty of Palean son crossing the river could not hinder such endeavor.

Even if Brim River was as broad and deep as it is now, the author still fails to prove that Paleans can not cross the river by boats. Possibly, other tribes capable of manufacturing boats once stopped near Palea, and then some Paleans got aboard with the distinctive baskets and traveled as well as distributed the baskets. Before any sound evidence proving that Paleans can not cross the Brim Riveris achieved, the author assumption is unconvincing.分析还是没有深度。作者说没有证据说明他们有船，那么第一个层次就应该说，没有证据不能排除有船的可能性，然后让步说即使本族人没有船，还有其他办法过河
并且作者还提到的不能造大船的证据，因该在同一段内驳斥一下

Moreover, the author fails to consider such a possibility: some baskets, though unique to the village of Palea, were abandoned to the river by accident, natural disaster or even purposely.这个ts写得超级失败，ts是用来指出错误的，而不是分析怎么错的。可以这样写，即使不能过河，也不定说明这东西不是他们的。作者忽视了其他的可能性。Blahhh…. Under this hypothesis, baskets might float with the stream of Brim River, and later be picked up by people in the village of Lithosor other locations. Though it is too hard to find evidence of this possibility不知道这样写好不好。。。, it is equally impossible to find any to disprove it.

Finally, the author assertion that Paleans had no need of crossing the Brim River falls into incomplete thought.空洞的ts同样，可以先说以前可能没有这么多的nuts，berries。然后让步，即使有也。。。 Suppose that, for example, despite local abundance of nuts, berries, and small games,  Paleans' food need is not filled. Perhaps people lived in this village feed themselves mainly through meat of large mammalsmeat of large mammals是细节，最好不要这么直接的写出来，要层层深入的写出来。可以说为了。。。，这些人还需要其他一些food，such as ,  ,  and the like.; thus the activity of hunting may require Paleans to cross the river.可以指出这些动物在他们那块地方没有 Unless the author can prove that Paleans' major food is those in abundance at nearby woods, his or her presupposition is fallacious.

In sum, every evidence presented by the author contains logical fallacy, 逻辑错误不是evidence上的，而是推理过程中的thus turn this paragraph into an unconvincing argument: woven baskets characterized by particular distinctive pattern are unique to the village of Palea, despite the recent discovery.这句话用来干吗的？

Lz的文章结构基本没有问题，但其他地方还是有不少问题
1． Ts的写法。Lz的每个ts都是作者的结论什么什么不对，而不能联系到文中的论据。
2． 论证深度。Lz的每一段都只是一个ts，然后接着一个possibility然后总结。虽说结构上做到完整。但想拿高分还是较难得。最好段内有让步后者递进等的关系的层次
3． 缺少reasoning。每个body都只是立即举反例，缺乏对论据和推理过程的分析。
看在是斑竹，批得手下留情了。:loveliness:
加油3

[ 本帖最后由 ILOVEISSUE 于 2007-4-12 01:57 编辑 ]

speaklessUID??2205899

:rolleyes: ISSUE大牛来了~~~~~我等会在来吧.....

[ 本帖最后由 speakless 于 2007-4-12 01:19 编辑 ]

speaklessUID??2205899

This argument begins by introducing apreviously hold point: woven baskets having distinctive patterns are unique tothe ancient village of Palea. It continues bypresent a series of evidences supporting the opposite view; however, terrainfeatures, Palean ship design skills, abundance of nuts, berries, and smallgames can not rule out exceptional possibilities that justify the previousview.
前面就列了这么多细节,不知道好不好,个人觉得,细节如果能充实下面具体攻击点可能会效果更好

To begin with, the author's assertion thatancient Paleans can not cross the Brim River is problematic.This argument provides on information concerning the river's condition inancient time, especially the period when Paeans live(这个特殊下面似乎并没有体现,如果你这样写我会认为下面应该会有一个事例很突出的说the period,而且这个也不好写,建议换个,或者不加especailly). Perhaps, at that time, Brim Riveris just a narrow and shallow creek or even did not exist at all, despite itsmodern appearance. If this possibility is validated, the difficulty of Paleanson crossing the river could not hinder such endeavor.
展开的不够,河窄有怎么样,他们能过去吗?你要继续往下说,不要点一下就停了.

Even if Brim Riverwas as broad and deep as it is now, the author still fails to prove thatPaleans can not cross the river by boats(这个细节,我觉得不太适合放在TS里,你只要说没有证明不能河就可以了). Possibly, other tribes capable ofmanufacturing boats once stopped near Palea, and then some Paleans got aboard(?这个词)with the distinctive baskets and traveled as well as distributed the baskets.Before any sound evidence proving that Paleans can not cross the Brim Riveris achieved, the author assumption is unconvincing.
根据你所得的攻击点,我会这么说
没有证明当时没有办法过河(注意不能说他们不能过河,参看第二点)
a)没说明他们部落自己没有渡河的工具:船
b)即使没有,也不能排除其他有的部落做船过来和他们做生意

Moreover, the author fails to consider sucha possibility: some baskets, though unique to the village of Palea,were abandoned to the river by accident, natural disaster or even purposely.Under this hypothesis, baskets might float with the stream of Brim River,and later be picked up by people in the village of Lithosor other locations. Though it is too hard to find evidence of this possibility,it is equally impossible to find any to disprove it.
太零散了吧,你把一种可能性都作为一段,
个人认为一段应该是一个攻击方向,确切的说,在段内用逻辑将对同一主题进行攻击的攻击点联系起来,然后段之间又有一层逻辑关系,如果像你这样,其实等于把两层逻辑关系弄成一层,更难控制了.

Finally, the author assertion that Paleanshad no need of crossing the Brim River falls into incompletethought. Suppose that, for example, despite local abundance of nuts, berries,and small games, Paleans' food need is not filled. Perhaps people lived in thisvillage feed themselves mainly through meat of large mammals; thus the activityof hunting may require Paleans to cross the river. Unless the author can provethat Paleans' major food is those in abundance at nearby woods, his or herpresupposition is fallacious.
这个攻击方向我觉得可以深挖的,多加加想象,,难道他们就因为食物就不能过去啊?可能因为建筑材料?躲避灾害?-----效果更好
In sum, every evidence presented by theauthor contains logical fallacy, thus turn this paragraph into an unconvincingargument: woven baskets characterized by particulardistinctive pattern are unique to the village of Palea,despite the recent discovery.

看了后觉得主要问题是
你字数本身就不是很多,如果还要想把几乎所有的方面错误都概括到,这样攻击力就分散了,
所以我建议减少段落(三段足够了,三个大的攻击方向,里面也可以不同的攻击点),这样宽度就足够了,ETS又没有让你把所有的都找出来来,然后着重笔墨往深了写...

个人意见,也希望其他人对我的评论拍砖,LZ觉得不对或者不好可以别管哈.

[ 本帖最后由 speakless 于 2007-4-12 01:49 编辑 ]

speaklessUID??2205899

改完收工睡觉

ILOVEISSUEUID??2300195

继续写报告