issue48 [victor小组]第三次作业by totalsm45518

totalsm45518UID: 2286658

As we can see from a performance on a brilliant stage, behind the beautiful actors and singers, there are numerous of crew that operate the lights, audios, music and voices, who are also necessary and important however are almost forgotten by the audiences. Admittedly, the few famous leaders and hero brought human being to a new level of development, yet there are so many groups of people who have also compelled the progress of society and culture in human history, nevertheless, whose identities have long been forgotten.

   We should not deny the significant roles that the great figures played in the making of history, without whose prominent behavior, we might still live in a primary society. For instance, the king of invention Thomas Edison, who have brought light to people by numerous of trials and experiments, without which, we could have still live in dark in the night and burn woods for lighten the dim environment after the sundown. Some politicians also create great contribution in human’s way of developing and progressing. If the former president Lincoln hadn’t unified the whole American, the super country in temporary world is just a dream. Therefore, the famous limited individuals really influence much in history.

  However, there were many significant events and trends in history that were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of ordinary people, without whom we would also have lost some excellent things at now. The most famous and significant of progress in biology is the discovery of the double-helix structure in DNA molecules, which exposed the secrete of human’s genetics and bring the biology development to the level of molecules. No one will feel unfamiliar with the two famous name-Watson and Crick. However, how many people will be familiar with the names of other scientists who have provided indispensable information before Watson and Crick? Before the double-helix structure had been revealed, there were lots of experiments and theories which had already exposed some of the structure. Finally, Watson and Crick aggregated these people’s elites and got inspiration so that the famous discovery was created. How can we forgot the former people who also have significant contribution to the progress? There was a notable saying of Newton, the most famous scientist in last century,“ I am standing on a giant.” Without the efforts of Galilei and other scientist, Newton would not reveal the classic axiom in physics and astronomy.

   Meanwhile, we have to acknowledge that traditional history books give too much space to the great figures in history. As a result, many descendants only have impression of the few famous individuals in memory regardless the groups of people who also have spur the advance of human beings. What invariably happens is the fact that we often find books with the names such as “The most famous figures in 20 century”, “The most brilliant of moments of human’s history”, instead of “The most groups of people behind a success in history” when we visiting a book store. This is really unfair to the people who have dedicated themselves to the whole human society. Therefore, historians should distribute more spaces to describe the common groups of people whose contribution were also important and indispensable.

    In sum, both famous figures and common identities had make great contribution to the human’s progress, which demands the history to record all of them in order to keep the accurate of authoritativeness of history. So I would agree that historians today should do more work to let us hear the voice of the forgotten majority.

coraoneUID: 2233021

As we can see from a performance on a brilliant stage, behind the beautiful actors and singers, there are numerous of crew that operate the lights, audios, music and voices, who are also necessary and important however are almost forgotten by the audiences. Admittedly, the few famous leaders and hero brought human being to a new level of development, yet there are so many groups of people who have also compelled the progress of society and culture in human history, nevertheless, whose identities have long been forgotten. （关于开头段的写法，你看一下论坛精华里面的一些内容，第一句As we can see 的内容不错，但是我觉得这可以算是一个论据，论据最好不要放在开头，放在后面Body部分比较好，我觉得开头应该明确提出观点，论证是后面body的事情，因此在开头提出论据不妥当，而且很可能在开头把想说的话说完了，后面没话说了。此外，我觉得即使你这么使用这个例子恰当，第一句和第二句间有一个思维跳跃，你自己再体会下，我是这样认为，没有衔接好。最后，就是没有一个明确的中心句，点明本文你要论述的中心l）

  （这里用让步更好些，It is true that……和下段however呼应 ） We should not deny the significant roles that the great figures played in the making of history, without whose prominent behavior, we might still live in a primary society. For instance, the king of invention Thomas Edison, who have brought light to people by numerous of trials and experiments, without which, we could have still live in dark in the night and burn woods for lighten the dim environment after the sundown. Some politicians also create great contribution in human’s way of developing and progressing. If the former president Lincoln hadn’t unified the whole American, the super country in temporary world is just a dream. Therefore, the famous limited individuals really influence much in history. （你知道要用确实的事例支撑起自己的论点了，但是在举出事例以后没有再进行一下演绎分析，使得内容显得论述不够充分。）

  However, there were many significant events and trends in history that were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of ordinary people, without whom we would also have lost some excellent things at now. The most famous and significant of progress in biology is the discovery of the double-helix structure in DNA molecules, which exposed the secrete of human’s genetics and bring the biology development to the level of molecules. No one will feel unfamiliar with the two famous name-Watson and Crick. However, how many people will be familiar with the names of other scientists who have provided indispensable information before Watson and Crick? Before the double-helix structure had been revealed, there were lots of experiments and theories which had already exposed some of the structure. Finally, Watson and Crick aggregated these people’s elites and got inspiration so that the famous discovery was created. How can we forgot the former people who also have significant contribution to the progress? There was a notable saying of Newton, the most famous scientist in last century,“ I am standing on a giant.” Without the efforts of Galilei and other scientist, Newton would not reveal the classic axiom in physics and astronomy.（看完这段觉得你第一句之后论述的内容与第一句也就是中心句无关。第一句你要说的是groups of ordinary people 对于significant events and trends in history 的影响，但是，你举的例子，说明的是那些幕后者被遗忘了，我觉得可以这样写，但是你中心句要改，看到你的这个例子，我觉得挺新颖，但是仔细思考後觉得不是很有说服力。）

   Meanwhile, we have to acknowledge that traditional history books （题目中是the study of history 你这里说books，我觉得不妥）give too much space to the great figures in history. As a result, many descendants only have impression of the few famous individuals in memory regardless the groups of people who also have spur the advance of human beings. What invariably happens is the fact that we often find books with the names such as “The most famous figures in 20 century”, “The most brilliant of moments of human’s history”, instead of “The most groups of people behind a success in history” when we visiting a book store. This is really unfair to the people who have dedicated themselves to the whole human society. Therefore, historians should distribute more spaces to describe the common groups of people whose contribution were also important and indispensable.

    In sum, both famous figures and common identities had make great contribution to the human’s progress, which demands the history to record all of them in order to keep the accurate of authoritativeness of history. So I would agree that historians today should do more work to let us hear the voice of the forgotten majority.

总体思路上没有问题，注意论述的要充分展开。
注意举例，很好！
再对题目和写法斟酌一下。
coraone
20070506